Autotuned
@autotuned.bsky.social
📤 814
📥 588
📝 863
Yep
pinned post!
Just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
about 1 year ago
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Sneaky little fuckers
1 day ago
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Just had a popup appear on my laptop screen that said “Get Help” and I think that’s pretty rude of my laptop
3 days ago
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According to the weather prediction models, you’re to get anywhere between 1” to 2531” of snow
30 days ago
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Well, shit!
about 1 month ago
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Fuck it. I’m gonna start pronouncing the p in psycho
about 1 month ago
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Autotuned
Kellalena
about 1 month ago
I excel at saying two words at the same time.
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Autotuned
Marc
about 1 month ago
One of my favorite ways to waste time is to do nothing about everything.
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Swim Jeans 👖
about 1 month ago
LEADER: welcome to amnesia club do you have any stories you’d like to share ME: none that I can recall GROUP: *applauds quietly*
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Mal
2 months ago
Of course, personal growth is where it’s at. But it’s just so inconvenient, you know? Cashier: so, you didn’t bring your own bags…
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
about 2 months ago
Whenever I feel homesick I go into a dive bar.
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Mal
2 months ago
Get in, loser - me, during sex
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New year, new m… wait.. Nope. Never mind
about 2 months ago
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
2 months ago
I meant well. I think it was on a Thursday in 1978.
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$10 bucks says I can’t pronounce Açaí correctly
about 2 months ago
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Forrest Plump
about 2 months ago
I left you on read. Please respond.
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WineMummy
about 2 months ago
Inside me are a dozen Christmas cookies.
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Walmart Radio was absolutely fucking bangin today!
about 2 months ago
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I hope everyone got a podcaster equipment starter kit cause lord knows there’s just not enough podcasters in the world
about 2 months ago
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Mal
about 2 months ago
I don’t really want to do a new year. I’m all yeared out
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What am I bringing to the party? A desire to leave.
about 2 months ago
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
2 months ago
Joined the Flat Earth Society for the 50% discount on round-the-world air tickets.
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69 > 67
2 months ago
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WineMummy
2 months ago
Cover me in potato chips and tell me I’m salty.
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Autotuned
I’m wearing my beer goggles to this eye exam. Idgaf
12 months ago
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Autotuned
Seems the lines in this parking lot are only a suggestion
10 months ago
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Autotuned
𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠🦂
2 months ago
Never clapped when I was happy a day in my life
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A cigarette after sex is just the receipt for well made bad decisions
2 months ago
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I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life
2 months ago
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DaddyJew
2 months ago
Cloudy with a Chance of Calzones
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æmə
2 months ago
I like to leave the chip bag open so they absorb the flavor of my house
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She’s more like hot sauce and less like Xanax
2 months ago
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Marc
2 months ago
With the skills and abilities I have at talking myself out of bed in the morning, I should be a hostage negotiator.
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At least the musical gear I purchase is never recalled for salmonella or e coli or some shit like that
2 months ago
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Kellalena
3 months ago
“I’m out on a day pass and have a curfew,” I flirted.
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Viktor Winetrout
3 months ago
Got tased at bingo again
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WineMummy
3 months ago
What wine pairs well with shut the fuck up?
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Autotuned
Marc
3 months ago
My brain can remember a random event from 10 years ago, but can easily forget why I walked into a room 10 seconds ago.
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You know she’s in the holiday spirit when she gets some mistletoe tattooed on her ass
3 months ago
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Jez
3 months ago
I already miss hating the summer heat
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Shade 5
3 months ago
Is it okay to drag your feet and shock someone on the first date?
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Autotuned
C 🇨🇦
3 months ago
Like a bad sequel, I’m back. Same plot, less budget
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Autotuned
Breakfast 🍩☕️🍑
3 months ago
Happy low tire pressure season to all who celebrate.
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los 🦦
3 months ago
day 2468 of hitting the pizza button on the microwave and still no pizza
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Secretly Jay
3 months ago
Hot Take: Eggnog is the cranberry sauce of Christmas.
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Daisy
5 months ago
My bank flagged my debit card for fraud because I spent $46 at the liquor store. Like omg assholes, sometimes I’m fun.
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Happy Holidayzzz indeed!
3 months ago
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Just think, a couple million years ago we wouldn’t have to be dealing with any of this shit
3 months ago
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Autotuned
Kellalena
3 months ago
Mirror mirror on the wall why did I walk into this room?
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Did she blindside you, or did she blind you with science? Be more specific please
3 months ago
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Just assume everything you see isn’t real
3 months ago
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