Dem leadership: changing this is a difficult process, you fool. You rube. You utter infant. Give us between $5 and $50 Mamdani, wiping grease off his hands: So it turns out there's a switch on this machine that puts it into either orphan-shredding mode or free school lunch mode. Just had to flip it

“Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they never stopped to ask if they *should.*” —THE ACTUAL POINT OF THE FUCKING MOVIE THESE PEOPLE ARE DEBASING!!

Judge Reyes’s conclusion: “There is an old adage among lawyers. If you have the facts on your side, pound the facts. If you have the law on your side, pound the law. If you have neither, pound the table. … Having neither and bringing the adage into the 21st century, [Noem] pounds X (f/k/a Twitter).”

DOCTOR: I told him he needed to get out to a show, that was how he would cure his depression. CHOTINER: So you learned this technique in school? DR: No, not— listen it was good advice. Pagliacci was in town. C: Right. Is it standard to give advice before learning a patient’s name? DR: Now look

Ten

Space Marine (watching me play Animal Crossing): Your island is infested with foul mutants. Me: They aren't mutants, that's just what animals look like in this game. Space Marine: I see. (Biskit asks me to give him a new catchphrase) Teach it to praise the Name of the Emperor.

It’s a cop playing candy crush and falling asleep in his cruiser for 14 hours. The city will be billed for six hours of overtime

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

sure they’re tear-gassing toddlers but what do the polls say

hard to overstate just how much Houston nailed it with the dunking astronaut logo

the council has done their part to enable the mayor to start punishing the owner of this building for these offenses, now it's time for the mayor to start using this power to penalize the owner of this building, stuart lindquist, to the fullest extent that his office can

Boston friends:

You can test new tech ideas using the Seinfeld Test Would the product eliminate the plot of an episode? (Google maps, cell phones, paypal, battery packs) Good tech. Would the product inspire new Seinfeld plots? (NFTs, AI chatbots, crypto currency, blindboxes, metaverse land sales) Bad tech.

just found out bari weiss is bisexual not a lesbian, this is a huge w for my community

This is how restaurants put the call out for new FOH/BOH staff because everyone walked out.

The feel-good movie of the decade

if "game recognize game" was a photo

Thinking of my Japanese American elders today, their resistance, their bravery in the face of state violence. “Were you afraid of being arrested?” Fred Korematsu: “No, I wasn’t because I didn’t feel that I did anything wrong. If anybody did wrong, it was the law.” www.instagram.com/reel/DUJAjhC...

Up the punx, we won! $760,007 in total. Press release later. We drink cider now.

Soon

i am happy to fight for freedom with the libertarians but also, we don’t really need to *talk*

grab a few small beers and get after those beavers

just choked on my beverage

Post credits scene in Melania where Nick Fury says he's assembling a team to fight men in women's sports

listen, scott stapp says he's six feet from the edge and he thinks that six feet isn't that far down. but like, he's six feet from the EDGE. so he's like, unable to see what is down there. further, scott stapp isnt even six feet tall. he doesn't know how far that really is

Another hypothetical win for the SEC

This isn't mine, and I can't definitively find the original source. But I love this little bit of wisdom: "If you're a fifteen-minute walk from a coffee shop, but the server there has to drive an hour to get to work, you don't live in a walkable city. You live in a theme park."

Brilliant work, Mr. Musk sir

So, historically this is going to come down to who can raise the most men-at-arms.

prepping in case the rumors about ICE converging on Philly next are true

finally a good dating app

Alt text for those who may need it

A few of the signs and flowers at this #alexpretti memorial here at the Portland VA

I am. But there are three things at play here regarding ICE collecting private data. Quick rundown on the issue, why you should be paying attention, and what I'm doing about it:

Concerning developments for Marie Gluesenkamp Perez

Boy howdy I sure do hope that some enterprising press with a few long lenses took their time getting pictures of these maskless faces Sure would suck for them if the same enterprising press confirmed that these frat boys work for ICE

if you want to feel old, bus thread was a week ago

National outlets reporting that a gull grabbed one of Greg Bovino’s french fries and he was carried off when he refused to let go

“Are you all press? Where is…the Batman”

Or drums, flags, tifo, etc

Let's be clear. For reasons only known to #MGPisGOP she chose to lose this seat and re-election. I am running to save this seat for the Democrats. There is no chance for her to survive in a General election after telling her base she does not care. ICE must be dismantled, end of discussion!

welcome to the resistance, Zeus

Ron Wyden has been right on the surveillance state and pushing legislation on these issues for 20 years now

we've got the guy who thinks the government should be there to help you, and are eager to show all the ways they can do it and the guys who think the government should be able to kill you and are eager to show all the ways they can do it

My ethics are really, really being put to the test here. But salute… [grinds molars down to a fine paste] KFC from Barstool

NBA star Tyrese Halliburton speaks out

in memory of a really good dude