I have no coffee creamer and my net worth is $3 right now. This is my sad country song.

oh, hey, didn’t see you there

alright hear me out

At my funeral, please make sure to note that while I did not contribute to human progress in any way, at least I didn't stand in the way of it

"Look at me! I'm alive!" is exactly something I would say if I were dead.

NEW ACHIEVEMENT! YOU HAVE BEEN CAUGHT IN A COMPROMISING POSITION One of your children has walked in on you during sexy time. Reward? LIFELONG TRAUMA! THERAPY BILLS! ENDLESS AWKWARD INTERACTIONS!

Lol, hey @highnessophelia.bsky.social . Dungeon Crawler Bob!😃

He was a fascist, Liz.

Listen I’m sure my enemies are going to celebrate my death so I’m going to celebrate theirs while I have the opportunity.

One guy wanted me to role play as someone who turned him into a bug and stomped on him in various types of shoes. Someone else asked me to stomp on actual bugs and film it. I agreed to the first one but not the second one.

Honestly, I watch zero porn with the exception of content I make with bf.

To be a historian is to speak ill of the dead and the rest of you should take more history classes and join us.

I’m middle aged but not old, I’m like early middle aged, in my dark age.

Words never fail me. It’s people who fail me.

If I see any of you assholes doing the “Lady G” shit I will block you. You don’t need to be a transphobe to celebrate a shit man dying.

“Alexa play Party in the USA”

Live your life in such a way that an entire country doesn't celebrate your death.

"when did you realize you were chill af" the day that I openly addressed my OF work on social media b/c my old school district had discovered my content. Past Ophelia would not have handled being the illicit scandal of a tight knit, small town well, but I'm proud of how Present Ophelia handled it.

LMAO Even Graham gave up the ghost, before Mitch

Don’t lie. This was your first thought too, right?

We don't throw enough shade at self-proclaimed "cougars" when they're out here doing the same creepy-ass shit as guys like DiCaprio and Grohl.

I love my job - genuinely. I get to be creative with photography and staging and find new ways to make my content unique. Plus, I meet some really cool humans. And I get to play dress up :) The only aspect I don't enjoy is marketing. That part sucks (for me at least).

I don't. Not that I don't enjoy it but there's just so much on my list of things to read. I don't do much writing anymore but when I do, it's usually essays about aspects of my experience as a human.

Most of the stuff I've been excited for has recently been released - I was stoked about Ready or Not 2 and loved it. I'm impatiently awaiting book 9 in the Dungeon Crawler Carl series. I have no idea what games are releasing and my music I just kind of stumble into.

Welcome to my Lindsey Graham is Dead party! Hopefully we'll be dancing on Mitch McConnell's grave soon. And that one orange guy.

man made promises he wasn’t prepared to keep 🕯️

Every few months, I check my DM requests on Reddit and treat a few lucky souls to a reply but only if they lead with something other than some variation of"heyyyyyy sexy". You want my attention, compliment my plants or my mad Lego Fortnite skills.

I'm either completely uncovered or completely cocooned. There is no middle.

I have theories about who sent this... Definitely bread pudding.

Parenting tip: answer all of their questions

Evil Mitch Rising

everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about you are pretty clueless tbh

Probably leftovers. I made teriyaki pork tenderloin last night and we have a bunch left. Maybe add some steamed rice.

oh god.. I think the worst is probably that my hair is on EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE, ALL AT ONCE. best... Idk, we just have fun together all the time. Also, I'm basically DTF literally whenever he looks at me, so that's fun for both of us. baaaabe.. what say you? @3ofdiamondsgrey.bsky.social

It's free slurpie day at 7/11 if you want to make a teenager in your life very happy today.

I'm taking a brief fiction break because I know anything that follows Carl will be disappointing simply by the fact that it isn't Carl. Bf and I are reading Devil in the White City together now and I'm about to start Neurotribes.

Subscribe to Ophelia's spicy sites to see her other bean!

Some people ask you things about yourself to better understand you and other people ask so they can better judge you. I hope you can detect the difference asap.

bath time 🛁 AMA ngl.link/highnessophe...

lazy afternoon enjoying the air conditioning with my favorite human (and Bean)

Verify my age? Motherfucker, im on bluesky

Coco and I are waiting patiently on the front porch for our favorite person to get home from work. Well, I'M waiting patiently. Coco is grazing on grass.

I should make a JOI video but instead of masturbation, it's just me telling you how to clean your house.

mid-july is brought to you by the color red ♥️

I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike Bar but I'd cut a bitch for a Pepsi right now.

*comes in from doing yardwork *checks Bluesky timeline NOPE. *logs into LEGO instead

I do not appreciate that the only time of day that is bearable for doing yardwork is.. now.

my most effective core workout is when I take a big hit off my vape and immediately start coughing my lungs up because I have to both keep myself from throwing up AND from peeing my pants simultaneously.

hi it's really hot here send help

2025//2026 It's such a painfully slow process waiting for landscaping to mature enough to match your vision but I can see glimpses of it every so often. This little pond is a maintenance nightmare but it's cute and I want to have safe water for critters to drink.