Been cry-laughing at this for two days now.

Keep calm and read this post.

How not to illustrate the similarity of bone structures between humans & horses.

During the 2012 rapture, I was speaking at a skeptic conference in Oakland A minor earthquake happened during one of the talks Let me tell you, I have never seen a room full of atheists so nervous 🤣

Go home M&S you’re drunk.

Teke 2 #tylenol and release #EpsteinFiles

I have just had the rapture. It was ok, no fillings this time and to book a check up and hygienist appointment in 6 months time. I really thought it would be a bigger deal than that.

This probably isn't the place to advertise as I'm followed by about 5 Argentines, but I am once again offering English classes, online or in person in Buenos Aires, if any of you don't speak English and would like to. Maybe some of you English speakers are up for it too, who knows.

Seventh time listening to this and managed to get through it without sobbing. Personal milestone achieved. youtu.be/5VXSQQ5YDIU

You may follow yourself the same Mr Owens here 👇 @damienowens.bsky.social

What if the Rapture has CAPTCHA?

Speaking as a doctor, I can assure the American public that it’s safe to take Tylenol while reading the Epstein files.

It is with profound sadness that The Yorkshire County Cricket Club announces the passing of Harold Dennis “Dickie” Bird MBE OBE, one of cricket’s most beloved figures, who died peacefully at home at the age of 92. Read more: yorkshireccc.com/news/harold-...

I have got a dentist appointment this afternoon, their terms and conditions say will get charged if it gets cancelled at the last moment so my question is if I do get raptured will I still get charged?

Tuesday.

Look, it’s Heroin and Adderall ganging up on Tylenol.

This is very powerful. #MentalHealth

⏰ Start your countdown clock for the exact moment of the autumn #equinox, 19:19 (UK) 22nd Sept, when the Northern hemisphere and Southern hemisphere are equally illuminated. Today the day length in 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿Scotland is ~the same as in 🇳🇿New Zealand 🤓🧪🔭 📷: National Maritime Museum, Greenwich

It's officially Autumn!

One of my favourite gags in anything ever

Why are you so down? I just lost a game of noughts and crosses to some bird. We don’t call them birds any longer, 1970 wants that phrase back. Etc etc

Even she doesn't trust him.....

"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer. Bristow's only 27."

just mowed the lawn, wearing shorts. At this time of year there are loads of beech nut husks on our lawn, some get fired into my legs by the lawn mower, and I just carried on. I am telling you this in case any of you are in any doubt just how hard I am. I am shortly going to apply to join the SAS.

That magical moment when the pumice is gently cleared away revealing, for the first time in nearly 2000 years, a white mosaic. #MosaicMonday #Pompeii

The tangerines you bought on your delusional health kick watching you eat crisps

Well, obviously Jimmy Kimmel was wrong to suggest that MAGA World was making a spectacle out of Charlie Kirk's death.

This one is a belter, Junior Parker’s very different version of the Beatles Taxman. I am going to come out and say it - it’s better youtu.be/liCzbLxEncM?...

Drink responsibly, unless you just won a 200 km cycling race in Flanders. #procycling

Congrats to the thousands of you who bankrupted the bookies on my prediction this afternoon

I heard Tom Jones’s Delilah on the radio & it reminded me of when I used to go to watch Stoke. It was the club song and there was a period when they had a player called Dave Bamber. He was not exactly a fan favourite so the fans used to sing “why why why Dave Bamber”. Must have been tough to hear.

Jack Grealish

Shamelessly stolen from the other place, but this did make me laugh today.

Today I did the Eikenberg followed by the Molenberg. The Eikenberg is quite a bit longer but the cobbles are much more regular, it looks better maintained and it’s not as steep. The Molenberg is really narrow in places and I find myself astonished that they send races up there. Crazy guys.

How do you like to spend your Saturday? The good people of Kortrijk seem to like paddling in the canal in half a massive steel barrel.

Once again it seems that Russia’s performance management techniques are a bit on the nose

Thought he'd brought a fish with him there for a second #lufc

Everton playing for time now

Happy Batman Day!

[job interview] Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish. Would you care to expand?

Can we not just find some tiny atoll somewhere in the Pacific Ocean that will agree to take him. The condition is he can’t leave and there is no WiFi or phone signal. I am sure we could crowdfund his flights there

You know that you are getting too into cycling when you get excited to see a Visma lease a bike team bus and cars at a damp overcast crossroads near an Industrial estate. I couldn’t take any photos of the team cars because I would have caused a crash.

I can't get over how weird this photo is. I love that someone in England captioned it: "Darling, be a dear and DO click on the floor lamp."

If you are not already following this great account then you should do so, right now. It’s a collection of photos of the Beatles with at least one cup of tea in every shot. It’s always a joy to see one.

That also doesn’t look like the most effective way to fill it, to be fair.

I’ll be heading to the lovely Bridgewater Hall in Manchester October 26th 3pm to talk with the marvellous Roisin Conaty about my memoir. Tix are £40 which is reasonable as it includes the book. Hope to see you there! 🤗♥️📚🐝

Lovely to have your company again 🫶🏻 May as well enjoy it before we're shut down #TOTP