Ian Power
@ihpower.bsky.social
📤 1564
📥 165
📝 3540
I, for one, am a great fan of Roman numeral puns.
I'm in the company of the most cheery and chatty person I've ever met. I wish she'd fuck off.
about 15 hours ago
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Has he renamed it The Straight of Trump yet?
about 16 hours ago
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I feel really claustrophobic when I visit my local chemist. I fear I've become too big for my Boots.
1 day ago
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"Is Pepsi ok?" - Most frequent question asked of Shirlie.
1 day ago
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"Where are the Star Wars impersonators you booked?" "Their people carrier broke down. All I know is they're in a Galaxy far, far away."
#MayTheFourthBeWithYou
1 day ago
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If you opened a tin of evaporated milk and found it empty, would you be able to demand your money back?
2 days ago
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Her: “Do that thing I really like.” Me: *sits down to have a piss*
2 days ago
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I went to hospital with severe food poisoning after eating haggis, neeps and tatties. Fortunately they have an excellent Burns unit.
3 days ago
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Being an adult is about 80% pretending to be an adult.
3 days ago
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I used to be in a band called The White Lines. We were a bit like The White Stripes, just more middle of the road.
4 days ago
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I just ate the salad with my doner kebab. Like some sort of fucking health freak.
4 days ago
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WHAT DO WE WANT? what? You're supposed to shout A CURE FOR APATHY! whatever...
4 days ago
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I'm having a healthy tuna salad for lunch. But because I lack some ingredients I'm having to improvise with bread, butter, bacon and HP sauce.
4 days ago
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A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks, "Why the long space?"
5 days ago
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One day, if you live long enough, you’ll look in the mirror and wish you still looked as good as the time when you thought you looked like shit.
5 days ago
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Dido is a stupid name, isn't it? Mind you it could've been an 'ell of a lot worse.
5 days ago
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Today is the tenth anniversary of the day I put my favourite T-shirt in a separate drawer and said to myself I’ll wear it again when I’ve lost some weight.
6 days ago
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Someone's shown me some of that Rorschach's artwork. Fucking hell, what a pervert!
6 days ago
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A sign in Colchester city centre.
6 days ago
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Does anyone know if Hue & Cry are still looking for Linda? It's just that I've found her working at Asda's in Colchester.
6 days ago
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Who are Beyoncé's favourite Emmerdale characters? All the Dingle ladies.
7 days ago
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Sperm banks don't like donations by post. Apparently.
7 days ago
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I heard a man who was wearing Crocs say, "I don't give a fuck". We know, mate. We know...
7 days ago
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My doctor said I should drink more water. This is going to be easy. I've just checked and beer's about 95% water.
7 days ago
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Apparently, as long as you drive a 4x4, put your hazards on and are dropping your children off at school, you can park anywhere! Who knew?
8 days ago
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My mate's so tight he saved money on school name tags by having his son christened George.
8 days ago
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Fool people into thinking you've passed your Advanced Driving Test by simply using indicators at roundabouts.
8 days ago
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I sat in a London pub yesterday afternoon wearing running gear and a tinfoil cape while strangers bought me beer. Works every year. 😉🍻
9 days ago
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I once got badly hurt by a boxer in the ring. I think you'll agree that's a particularly nasty place to be bitten by a dog.
9 days ago
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I had a Sunday lunch that lasted nearly two hours and polished off two bottles of wine. I like those Sunday lunches best.
9 days ago
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*puts Fitbit in the tumble dryer and eats more bacon*
10 days ago
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I have a talent for bringing peace and tranquillity to any gathering. Or "uncomfortable silences", as my wife insists on calling them.
10 days ago
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If nothing else a Facebook account is a great way of reminding yourself why you don't make the effort to meet up with family and old friends anymore.
10 days ago
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Last night I did a mash-up of Anthrax and The Vaccines. It sounded like The Cure.
11 days ago
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I’m never more judgmental than when I see someone buying a Daily Mail.
11 days ago
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I asked the doctor whether it's true that excessive masturbation's bad for your eyesight. He said, "You're in the butcher's, mate.”
11 days ago
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I was going to give a lecture about Catholic birth control methods today, but I had to pull out at the last minute.
11 days ago
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I bet that curmudgeonly old nob, Alan Sugar, intends to be buried. Just to spoil the best parting line of any cremation ever.
11 days ago
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I couldn't stop twisting and turning in bed last night. I was torquing in my sleep.
12 days ago
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Whatever you do never try yo-yo dieting. They're a bastard to chew and you'd never believe me if I told you what happens when you shit.
12 days ago
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I nearly married a Brazilian many years ago. That was a close shave.
12 days ago
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A lovely pic of a young Ed Sheeran and his mum.
12 days ago
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"Incontinence Helpline, can you hold?"
12 days ago
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I'm - I remember when celebrities had to have a talent - years old.
13 days ago
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Son: “I’m gay.” Dad: “Hi, I’m dad.” *they both smile and hug* FIN
13 days ago
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I wasn’t going to drink tonight, but then I watched the news.
13 days ago
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You're beautiful You're beautiful You're beautiful, it's true I saw your face in a crowded place And I don't know what to do 'Cause I'll never be with you ~James Blunt I’d love to fuck you but you’re with that lucky cunt! ~James Blunter
13 days ago
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I've just received my copy of The Catholic Times. It's got a pullout section on recommended contraception practices.
14 days ago
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The first rule of Innuendo Club is you always enter Innuendo Club through the back doors.
14 days ago
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"Some of them aren't cunts", was the best I could come up with when asked to say something positive about colleagues in yesterday’s team meeting.
15 days ago
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