Ian Power
@ihpower.bsky.social
📤 1466
📥 164
📝 3376
I, for one, am a great fan of Roman numeral puns.
I’ve never been much of a fan of Joe Pasquale, but he speaks quite highly about me.
about 4 hours ago
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I see General Bone-Spurs has called other NATO countries cowards. It’s a shame there isn’t a Nobel Prize for irony - the tangerine turd would be a shoo-in for that fucker!
about 7 hours ago
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Botox makes actors forget their lines.
about 11 hours ago
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Has anyone else noticed that many people who work in IT get disproportionately annoyed when those of us who don’t work in IT don’t share the same knowledge and expertise that they get paid for?
about 12 hours ago
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“Hi Geordie, my sister got hurt by a marsupial in a Malaysian city zoo.” "Kuala Lumpur?" “No, kicked by a kangaroo.”
about 15 hours ago
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When you decide ‘growing old gracefully’ isn’t for you.
about 16 hours ago
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I just farted and told my wife it was the dog. Then I remembered I don't have a dog. Or a wife... I'm so lonely.
1 day ago
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If I had a pet baby kangaroo I'd call it Tribbiani.* *If you don't get this we can never be friends.
1 day ago
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Hands up if you enjoy stretching!
1 day ago
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I've just ordered some books about OCD.
2 days ago
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Me, aged 20: “Oh fuck, the plans for Saturday night have fallen through.” Me, aged 60: “Thank fuck the plans for Saturday night have fallen through.”
2 days ago
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I once took a Lidl bag for life into Waitrose. I think they would've been less horrified if I'd got my cock out.
3 days ago
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I found out the owner’s name of Toyah Willcox's local Chinese takeaway. It's a Mr Wee.
3 days ago
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My ex-wife often gave me ‘the silent treatment’. I liked those bits best.
3 days ago
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I just phoned the Thesaurus Helpline hoping to find an ideal synonym for connected. It was engaged.
3 days ago
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If I had a boomerang I’d name it Mack.* *give yourself one mark if you get this
3 days ago
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“How much for the organic dildo?” "That's a cucumber, sir!" “... How much?”
3 days ago
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All McDonald's are drive thrus if you're adventurous enough.
3 days ago
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Do you know who likes to hear about your weird dreams? No one. Absolutely no one.
4 days ago
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I once saw Billy Joel in B&Q buying fire lighters. The lying bastard.
4 days ago
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Jarvis Cocker's Pulp were heavily influenced by 80s band Orange Juice, who in turn had been greatly influenced by 70s group Squeeze.
4 days ago
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My doctor says I have xenophobia. I bet I caught it off some fucking foreigner!
4 days ago
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I was surprised to discover Oxo isn't on the stock exchange.
5 days ago
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I'm not as nostalgic as I used to be. I really miss that.
5 days ago
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I'm only ever interested in someone's sexuality if I'm attracted to them. It's the only time it matters, isn't it?
5 days ago
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I'm - Sunday breakfast used to be cheese, crackers and peanuts off the bar between the opening hours of 12 till 2 - years old.
5 days ago
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If beer really is God's way of showing he loves us, I presume hangovers are his way of saying "but not that much.”
6 days ago
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I bet foreplay's a nightmare with MC Hammer.
7 days ago
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You know those people who are all 'bright and breezy' first thing in the morning? Does anyone else feel like strangling the fuckers?
7 days ago
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Unlike most pop singers, Seal has never been a fan of clubbing.
7 days ago
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Do you remember those days before mobile phones, when you could disappear for hours and no one could get hold of you? Fuck me, I miss those days.
7 days ago
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The best bit about becoming a grandparent must be looking at your son/daughter and thinking 'your turn now, let's see how you fucking like it!'
7 days ago
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I like to think there’s a special place in Hell for people who don’t acknowledge your kindness when you let them out of a junction.
7 days ago
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Due to money worries I've had to sell my late father's diamond studded adjustable spanner. It was quite a wrench.
7 days ago
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Just heard my next door neighbour saying she thinks I'm creepy. If her wardrobe hadn't been so comfortable I would've confronted her about it.
8 days ago
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A face tattoo is a great way of showing you never want a job.
8 days ago
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Coffee keeps me going until I can have a proper drink.
8 days ago
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I scoffed when they said I eat too much.
8 days ago
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If I had a pet impala I'd call it Vlad.
9 days ago
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Thank fuck they got the design for the drawing board right first time.
9 days ago
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If nothing else Facebook's great for finding out how stupid and ignorant your family and old friends really are.
9 days ago
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It’s not you, it’s me... just kidding, it’s definitely you. Fuck off.
9 days ago
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Not much is known about Mr T's brother, E.
9 days ago
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Cape Town doesn't have as many superheroes as I'd expected.
9 days ago
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I'm - my mum used to give me 2p for a phone call in case of emergencies when I went out - years old.
10 days ago
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A BMW driver's just let me out of a junction and I don't know what to believe anymore.
10 days ago
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I'm - I used to be my parents tv remote control - years old.
10 days ago
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Fuck's sake! I've been lost on spaghetti junction for 30 minutes now. This is past a joke.
10 days ago
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Please remind me, was Trump’s war to change the Iranian regime or kill school kids and fuck up the world economy?
11 days ago
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Overheard in Waitrose: "No, Giles! Get a nice Chablis. What is it with you and your obsession with Sauvignon Blanc?"
11 days ago
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