Big shout out to the lads in the halal shop for my Vimto and big lamb chop.

Annual Reminder that sourdough bread is the absolute fucking dregs in every form, stone baked, even fucking crumpets. A French stick pisses all over it.

Might go to Manchester tomorrow morning to see the Banksy exhibition. If anyone fancies a mouthful of West Lancashire dandruff let me know, or a game of kerby

New £20 note revealed

Brian Lara in the nets at Warwickshire when Gladstone Small arrives

Mick Quinn for a pic of a horses skeleton as my nap of the week at Cheltenham, when he asked what everyone's bet of the festival was

"The infidels are not bombing our air bases"

Fred West. Cromwell Street 1994

"And here's our Hesgeth with a quick reminder"

5 Dogs named after people Jack Russell Terrier King Charles Cavalier Spaniel Gordon Setter Doberman Al Sation

Just found out that the 2027 Tour de France is going right past my house. Time to start pissing in plastic bottles I think. Goes over Crank then Prescott and Huyton and finishing in Liverpool. It's called the Wool Stage apparently.

Caster Semenyas drug tester

7 - 3

An American golf fan said he'd shoot me in the face at the US Masters because I tweeted "Get in the hole" when the USPGA announced Arnold Palmers death

First plane from Dubai lands at Heathrow carrying victims from the Fairmont Hotel which was hit with Iranian ballistic missiles

A year ago. Still miss him every day. Fucking idiot. No cock

Pele on his 30th wedding anniversary

Can't we just dress the Wealdstone Raider up in Ayatollah robes and fly him to Iran. Would love to see that little fucking weasel hit in the coupon by a ballistic

Daniella Westbrook shows off her injuries after an Iranian missile hit the Palm Jumeirah Hotel were she was staying

The Iranians seem to be targeting nice hotels in Dubai. Going by that logic, if they have a missile that can reach Britain, the safest place is going to be Blackpool

Dave Busst tibia 1996

Stefan Postma 2006

"The Ayatollah job ? Can I drink pints of white wine"

Supreme Bleeder

Haven't heard sirens like this on the news since the Peelers kicked in Cliff Richards door that time

Grandpa Joe - Willy Wonka And The 2026 Chocolate Factory

This war isn't going to end well for either side, the only outcome we can hope for is that a stray missile hits Russell Brand right in the fucking chops

He's on his way.....

As if the church didn't have enough

Daniella Westbrook trying to hoover up a stripe

"What is the charge"

Just seen the trailer for the Saipan film. Looks fucking brilliant to be fair, couldn't think of anyone better to play Mick Mccarthy than Paul Calf

The apple never falls far from the tree

Happy birthday to Motown singer and song writer Smokey Robinson

Happy 35th birthday to bed wetting singer and songwriter Ed Sheeran

Well she wears big knickers and she works on the sewage farm

AI wizardry used to show how Peter and Sonia Sutcliffe looked at the announcement of their engagement

Morning

Roses are red Gymnasts do the splits The chambermaid found

If you can sing along to Walking On Sunshine without shouting "Watch the berry", you are a better man than me

Darren Fletcher 2014

Best of luck to Margaret Thatcher in the women's skeleton at the Winter Olympics

Keith Chegwin on his wedding night

First trip skiing with the school, foggy over the airport we are landing at, circled for an hour then diverted for low fuel. Kids throwing up, headmistress went hysterical and to be fair deserved a clip, landed, got on a coach that stunk of sick. Great start. The skiing was fucking great though

Betty Ong. American Airlines Flight 11

Repost woth a photo of yours that would make a good Album cover.

Repost with a photo of yours that would make a good Album cover.