imagining Mike McDaniel trying to show a Chris Fleming instagram reel to Jim Harbaugh

I’ve seen enough. It’s time to arrest Jeffrey Epstein!

We gotta enact the E.T. a nd hammers protocol with Bill Gates

how are they ALL pedophiles man

Major change: No Ozzy

We need to talk about the rise of "smol bean fascism" where you have all the guns and the immunity but the really scary people are the ones with whistles and phone cameras and they're giving you generational trauma and ptsd by filming you killing people for no reason

What makes Gavin Newsom such a skilled politician is that he stands up to Trump’s bullying with piping hot memes AND is able to agree with Trump about policy www.sacbee.com

Ilhan Omar is an American hero. www.nytimes.com/live/2026/01...

more democrats should be pointing out that "illegal immigration" is not even a crime

tom homan: keep this up and we will compile a list of the horniest wettest milfs in your area!!!

wait they removed Bovino? maximum respect to the people of Minneapolis: you did this. power to the people forever

As screenwriter of the Labubu movie I want to clear up some misconceptions. Yes, technically they do eat human flesh, but only necrotic tissue around wounds. Doctors use them to clean up injuries and promote positive health outcomes. Labubus are humanity’s allies, except for evil Labubus of course

wait a minute how are the "your body has gone soft from not eating the raw meats of your ancestors" guys also the "the computer should summarize the big scary email for your inadequate brain" guys

You've created thousands of Jimmy Kimmels

Kash Patel looking at the crowd through a big magnifying glass for antifa like it's where's waldo

I can't imagine what this is doing to Tenacious D right now

As end-of-empire scenarios go it is so much more dignified to get your capital city sacked by the Visigoths than to have a bunch of illiterate rich people in their 70s doing it through a series of incomprehensible tantrums because their brains were defeated by their phones.

Zero stars for the new Naked Gun movie. Was really hoping for a meditation on grief

[THEO VON WHEN HE INEVITABLY HAS GHISLAINE MAXWELL ON HIS PODCAST NEXT MONTH]: Wow so people say men and women can't be friends but you were straight up Jeffery's main guy huh?

215-214. Thanks Gerry Connelly!

"Crust"

the thing I hate most about that rfk quote is that autistic lives have value and worth and beauty and dignity whether they are able to do the things other people do or not. no one is defined by ability or lack thereof and to frame divergence as lack is monster stuff, utterly godless

‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory theonion.com/show-me...

Incredible that 30k people showed up at this rally in LA to demand Gavin Newsom move more to the right!

Trans people: please use our correct pronouns and don't call us freaks The Trump administration: if you publicly oppose genocide our secret police will disappear you and send you to a torture gulag in El Salvador Centrists: these two things are the same

EVERY SCIENTIST IN THE WORLD: vaccines are the safest and best way to prevent disease RFK JR: I recommend rubbing dog poop in your eyes while doing the Macarena

I bought Twitter for $44,000,000,000 and sold it back to myself for $33,000,000,000. I have 43 kids and no friends. Everything I make explodes

It’s really funny for me to imagine all of the weird guys like Greg Proops in a meeting after Chuck Schumer capitulated to fascists saying “how can we pin this on Bernie Sanders and the dastardly white man AOC”

i haven't watched white lotus but people are always like "OMG did you see the way CHARLES wears SOCKS!?"

mrs. gennaro I am sorry to have to tell you this but your husband was killed in a work accident. they made dinosaurs real for fun and he got eaten by one while sitting on the toilet. he wasn’t using it he died abandoning children

During the Hays Code era a movie couldn't show people sharing a toilet

We're actually super nice to conservatives considering they all talk like this and have dog food for brains

Stephen King saying “capital punishment is complex” doesn’t mean that it is. Maybe you also think clowns actually turn into big space spiders because he typed it

man he really hates trans people huh. what is going on in your head where you think harris was one charlie kirk beer summit away from flipping all the swing states she lost?

god it must be so easy to be a Dem consultant, just sitting around making $250k a year to say things like "actually voters don't want healthcare, they want you to go to gun shows and start using the word orientals again"

You gotta hand it to Jim Varney for being able to make his face display an emotion that does not exist in nature

I grew up watching Gene Hackman. His body of work helped me understand that acting is indeed an art. He melted into every role, big or small. If Hackman is in the film, that just about guarantees it's a good film. He was also on Richard Nixon's list of enemies. Rest in peace Gene Hackman.

Hemingway famously wrote a 6 word story with a full dramatic arc and so did this guy I saw on Facebook who wrote “happy belated birthday to my fiancee”

@franifio.bsky.social What’s not to love about RFK Jr., a picture of health? 🤣 #RFK #AntiVax #FDA

conservatives don't actually care about states' rights or the national debt, and they know they don't care about it. pointing out the hypocrisy is pointless. stop playing their game and recognize that conservatives win by wanting things and leveraging power to get them. we need to do the same

One of my biggest complaints about 2025 so far is how everything is bad and airplanes are crashing

Interesting. Here's my alternative take: Kill it with fire.

I think the reason people are frustrated with Democratic leaders is that they expect these elected representatives to act like a real disaster is happening, which it is. Four-day weekends and bratwurst junkets in Munich kind of undercut that

My 100th birthday... in prison? - This is abuse.