same writer

Tim Heidecker, the man that you are…

Alex Jones is now just making supercuts of Tim & Eric sketches and freaking out. Alex Jones on Twitter: "⚠️EVEN MORE VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED: We Compiled a Super Clip of Even More of Their Most Depraved Publicly-Released Material. This is SICK FOOTAGE From The Onion Scum."

I get paid in wuives

guy who navigates to infowars dot com to laugh at all the stupid shit the onion put on there without realizing that they haven't actually changed anything yet

in a DEA holding cell: but it's for the fish

Jerry Seinfeld loves breakfast cereal so much because that's what his girlfriends all have for breakfast before school

makes you a really good dancer too

Friend: dude, I think it was a bad idea to get a license plate that says "ASS EATR" Me: why, it's funny lol [later on the news] Reporter: police believe they have found the vehicle of the notorious rectum cannibal

LOL

Proving to windows that im over 18 before it turns all the icons into tits and ass

Pete Hegseth getting ready to send troops back into the middle east: Whelp, hair of the dog!

I'm shocked, SHOCKED! Well not that shocked.

Got to say "one enema away from solving world hunger" on cable news' most watched show last night. InfoWars is already paying off.

if i was on the plane, chernobyl wouldn't have gone down like that

liberals are the left wing of fascism

Like, I was supposed to be there

Holy. Shit.

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

When I'm king, upon pain of death, all popups in programs and webpages will follow this template: ---------------------------------------- Question? [No/Cancel/Back] [Yes/Proceed/OK] ----------------------------------------

How my Sunday went

Congratulations to sridhar on his wedding. This is still one of my favorites

Bitches, leave.

is that Omaha?

first date idea we drunk drive together

maybe he just thought about grinding the poor into gristle at the WEC and this is how much he came in his pants?

my benis horts for sex

Are you a Ctrl+C / Ctrl+V bitch or are you a Ctrl+Insert / Shift+Insert Chad?

My neighbor checking the mail

I always knew I'd be a kind and caring slave owner

"If you don't love America why don't you leave?" Uh, have you ever heard of Gladio?

Carlos danger?

mistakenly doubled cocaine delivery wreaks havoc on Allbirds

Is this dumb cunt talking about ICE?

Generating an AI assistant for workplace sexual harassment called CoPbenis

Augustine after writing about bellum iustum and then seeing how it leads to the 30 years war:

I'll be on Windows 10 or Linux for the rest of my life idgaf

Death doula, the mic rula, the old schoola, you want a RIP, I’ll bring it to ya

I will be (concerned honking noises) everywhere from now on

Materialist philosophy will save the world

[richard scarry worm on a payphone inside a Jiffy Lube] yeah man my apple is completely fucked. some guy driving a banana sideswiped me and i crashed into another guy’s pickle

folks, you love to see it

My dad did a B&E in like 1970 and got sent to the Navy as a prison alternative. Pretty much witnessed war crimes immediately upon arriving in Vietnam, and became a conscientious objector and was back in the States in like a week.

the algorithm has finally learned how to suggest topical music tailored for me