Riggs 🐍
@handle.invalid
📤 351
📥 296
📝 555
I’ve learned to love a little blood in my wine —Amigo the Devil Jan is my savior
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Riggs 🐍
Theciscokidder
almost 2 years ago
News anchor: The world is ending and we're all going to die TODAY, but first, messages from our sponsors.
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slate
about 2 years ago
[creating the electric eel] god: i made a snake for the water angel: hell yeah as long as you didn’t use that one ingredient god: haha no of course not. which one angel: electricity? god: angel: what the fuck man
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bloody bacon popsicle 🏹
almost 2 years ago
him: His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, CBE, Lord of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular Starbucks barista: … can I just put Bob?
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andy vs.
almost 2 years ago
When you're chronically distracted, every car kinda feels like it's self driving
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Is this app still in Beta or are we into the Charlie stage of things
almost 2 years ago
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Why isn’t there a laundry detergent called Sacred?
almost 2 years ago
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Riggs 🐍
Benny Rollins
almost 2 years ago
Know what the internet needs? Another sarcastic cartoon avi account that doesn't like people.
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Ok… Ladies with fake eyelashes and stuff…how do you rub your eyes? Dying to know this
almost 2 years ago
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Sometimes I like to listen to death metal before the dentist Gets you pumped up to suffer
almost 2 years ago
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I just had the Smiths come on and was ok with it for the first time ever Am I even real now
almost 2 years ago
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Time changes are here and thanks to my phone just setting itself back I don’t have a fucking clue why the dog is suddenly losing her shit before normal feeding hour
almost 2 years ago
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Riggs 🐍
Benny Rollins
about 2 years ago
For every action, there is an internet overreaction.
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Salty MacTavish
about 2 years ago
Hurry up epiphany I don’t have all day
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Ennui Doofen
almost 2 years ago
Now that we aren't trying to keep safe from prehistoric animals it seems we could evolve into boners making boing sounds and vaginas playing peaceful ambient music with just a few days of heavy metal each month
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Jason Goes to Hell
almost 2 years ago
Guy who says, “Question for you,” before he asks you a question.
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Riggs 🐍
fredesque
almost 2 years ago
me: do you take walk-ins dude at the crematorium: what
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lukelukeluke
almost 2 years ago
I have to say something Wile E Coyote had telekinetic powers and we all acted like he was some kind of loser His mind suspended him in the air so long as he believed he was still on the cliff We should have nurtured his power, but instead we just laughed
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Hush Jared
almost 2 years ago
Halloween is socialism. Christmas is communism. I will not be taking questions at this time.
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Riggs 🐍
Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️
almost 2 years ago
My first mistake was feeling hope.
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
almost 2 years ago
Ever walked into a room and forgot the Alamo?
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Idk. I think God kinda takes advantage of his position so he can celebrate his son’s birthday for two whole months and we can’t do nothing about it
almost 2 years ago
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Riggs 🐍
Pessimus Prime
almost 2 years ago
Car salesman: It will fit 5 people comfortably Clown: How many uncomfortably?
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Riggs 🐍
Thanks For Spooking, Jerk
almost 2 years ago
In the 1970s we all drove trucks and had orangutan sidekicks
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I never celebrate Halloween. It’s fine like all other holidays: left at the store
almost 2 years ago
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ash
almost 2 years ago
The devil in me will make your head spin.
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Riggs 🐍
Salty MacTavish
almost 2 years ago
Found an old cut nail on the bedroom floor this morning and it would seem one of us is having an affair with a 19th-century cabinetmaker
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Riggs 🐍
MrsFitz
almost 2 years ago
Dr. Funkenstein, he's the monster. His funk is the best.
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Riggs 🐍
Jason Goes to Hell
almost 2 years ago
Jigsaw voice: I want to play a game. By now, you’ve noticed that you’re up to your chest in a vat of Mentos. Above your head are three buckets of Diet Coke, one of which contains a key. How much blood are you willing to spill to save your life?
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Riggs 🐍
deadshock
almost 2 years ago
picking out a playlist to be murdered to
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Glad Christmas starts tomorrow. It takes me two months to get in the mood and that’s at gunpoint
almost 2 years ago
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Don’t forget to leave blood and wine out tonight for the ghost of Peter Steele
almost 2 years ago
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Hell hath no fury like a woman on Nextdoor
almost 2 years ago
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Riggs 🐍
Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️
almost 2 years ago
Meet me later, I’ll be in the dark place.
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Riggs 🐍
Jason Goes to Hell
almost 2 years ago
Rebranding demon possession as a cure for loneliness.
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SpatialKimtamine
almost 2 years ago
Kinda fucked up how we can earn money with our time but we can’t buy time with our money
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Riggs 🐍
Jason Goes to Hell
almost 2 years ago
You don’t have to do anything for a Klondike bar. You really can just be a person with $3.
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Gretchen
almost 2 years ago
Every tween in a stephen king movie is like “Yeah this town is soooo boring and there’s a fuckload of ghosts”
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Apathy is the new black
almost 2 years ago
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Everything is goddamn political and I’m getting to where I just don’t care anymore
about 2 years ago
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