Are you happy, or are you an atheist?

You're probably just moody because you didn't get enough sleep, protein, water, exercise, sex and vitamin D.

I can't explain it, but horror movies were scarier on VHS tape.

Sorry I ruined your joke by asking an autistic question.

Vegans are like "you can get all of your protein from plants" and then don't do it.

You can start smoking cigarettes now and it absolutely will not matter.

[Slightly inconvenienced] Is this a trauma?

Chatgpt is for morons. I get all of my information from text books published by Robert Maxwell.

If I had a pet shark I would only feed him bad guys.

Horses kill more people in Australia than sharks, snakes and crocodiles combined. Don't tell me marketing doesn't work.

I'm not changing my heart just because the world is cruel. Lol

Waiting for the police to go to sleep so I can say illegal shit.

If you steal money in a dream you should be allowed to keep it.

We aren't allowed to criticise *you know who* for *you know what* in Australia, or they will put us in *you know where*

I hope everyone at the Oscars gets slapped this year.

The evil people would prefer it if you don't say mean things about them on the internet.

No new wars! Ok, maybe 6.

I can point to millions of people who are bad at basketball. It doesn't mean that basketball is bad.

Been there (against my will), done that (begrudgingly).

There is no such thing as "hate speech". There is only speech the government hates.

Adding a note "*Not to be used for evil" when I pay my taxes.

Hot people are so boring. Like, we get it, ok.

I think about you every day. You're very dumb.

Yeah, I'm vaccinated (paid a Romanian woman to spit in my mouth).

Following the recent shark attack in Sydney, the Australian government is introducing tough new anti-hate swimming laws.

You need to be supremely evil to live to 95.

You should only have tattoos if you've killed a man.

I thought we were all put on this earth to gather intel and exchange information, but it has come to my attention that "tone" also matters, for some reason.

Hold up, I'm thinking of the most depressing reply ever to your obvious light hearted joke.

I'm simply not participating in anything that requires me to download another app.

I don't believe in labels or thumb rings.

The good news is we are infinite beings of light. The bad news is we are infinite beings of light.

"Left" and "right" are two heads of the same dragon. It's how the few rule the many.

Italian actors playing Hispanic gangsters is my favourite movie genre.

Only romanticise the grind if the end game is you happier, healthier and wiser.

It's 2026. They should be able to make the pavement light up like in the Billie Jean video by now.

First of all, No. Second of all, what was the question again?

Working out so I look good for WW3.

"Gen Z is drinking less alcohol" the substance that literally kills more people than fentanyl.

Using a VPN, so I don't go to jail for criticising my government.

The Boogyman's objectives are not clearly defined. I will reserve judgement.

Pretty lame we have to go back to work when there's only a couple of years left until we all start hunting each other for food and searching everywhere for gasoline.

I thought "Unc" was short for "Unconditional love and support".

If someone doesn't like you, it's information. Just information.

[Being governed by a cabal of satanic pedophiles] Yay! The people of Venezuela have been liberated from an evil dictator!

If you've read a few books that don't have any pictures you would understand how insane it is for the US to charge another country's leader for drug trafficking.

Oh sweet, beautiful, little angel heart, international law doesn't apply to countries with nuclear weapons. Dear, sweet, beautiful, baby doll.

Scanned this at the self-checkout and got arrested for antisemitism.

It could always be worse. You could be left handed.

Row your boat GENTLY down the stream. The instructions are very specific.