Knock knock beeyotch

ʰᵉʸ ᵐᵃⁿ ᵈⁱᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵘˢᵉ ᵐʸ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ˢᵃⁿᵈʷⁱᶜʰ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵈ

misread a Mariner player’s name as Billion Dinger… … .. ……. GO BILLION DINGER THROW THE BALL YEAH FUCK THAT GUY GET HIM OUT

it’s a concrete beehole

gentle reminder for anyone who is anticipating the need for caramelized onions later this week: you should probably start now

THE BLOOD MOON RISES ONCE AGAIN PLEASE, LINK, HURRY

Buckets of practical gore, oodles of impractical nudity, sight gags and more make THE TOXIC AVENGER a can't Miss (Meat) movie. Full review here from Christopher La Vigna @chrislavigna.bsky.social.

Chinese restaurant called Hunan Resources

(nodding) night corn

Roupp the Poop strikes again! 😭

Dominic Smith drives in Willy Adames to give the Giants a 1-0 lead. It's the 1st time in franchise history that they have scored a run.

the crapo

Don’t even talk to me about drying mushrooms unless you do it the traditional* way *strategically placing them in tree branches like a squirrel

I gotta find a new place to meet up with fuckaas bitch

a fully loaded baked potato that is caffeinated could fix me

lol, it’s gray

Opinion: there are too many biting insects outside; they bite me and they should not

100 days until Halloween.

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ - which is so much better

Been going around calling everyone a labubu lookin ass mf lately

Angry guy Wet guy Naked guy Ass guy I can get behind this

Two extremely important baseball lessons we learned in the past 24 hours: 1. Every team needs an ass guy 2. We replace the ghost runner in extras with a 3 man dinger swing off

I'm Sufjan Stevens, and this is Jackass

Wow

Good evening to this fawn out back and this fawn only

Get in loser, we're going west to diminish

being hormonal feels like you’re trying to go for a walk and your mind keeps pantsing yourself

“chick fil a… a little chicken noodle dumpling hit up the right” hunter, what? 😆 @hunterpence.bsky.social @sfgiants.com

If a million people got you, Wilmer Flores is one of them If a hundred people got you, Wilmer Flores is one of the If one person got you, it’s Wilmer Flores If no one got you, send help for Wilmer Flores

dunning-cougar effect is when your cat thinks it’s a bigger, more wild feline than it is

i have found the spiritual successor to two girls, one cup thanks, duolingo!

The Red Sox LIVE for getting divorced. Like, DIVORCED divorced.

red sox front office really did this today

bush in da yard fulla BEES

welcome to sweaty boobs sunday it’s like sweaty boobs saturday only holier

the amazing thing about asparagus is that it comes with free rubber bands

THIS SHIT IS CARROTS, C-A-R-R-O-T-S

chopping cabbage leaves up for a slaw is my personal miracle of the loaves and fishes

Stoned thoughts part 5: Im a baked potato.

BILLY CORGAN: the world is a vampire NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: what the fuck did you just say

I don't think I want you to take me there.

the cops chased us for 15 seconds, then their legs broke in half (backwards style) so we flipped a bitch driving up to them poured our code red all over their bodies because there’d been a fuckin homicide

while i recognize that plastic is bad and harmful for the environment, paper straws are the worst experience and honestly i should just make a straw out of a potato, it would be superior.

I’m gonna do a desert-themed remake of Hamilton and call it Camelton

ms pac-man? more like ms wap, man