I don't know what "turn the beat around" actually means and at this point I'm too scared to ask

I read books because I love books but also because they don't have ads.

There is very little my child could do that would make me embarrassed and ashamed to be their parent. This is on that short list.

First workday song: crudbump.bandcamp.com/track/how-to...

I need a bleak light filter. Something that won't let me consume any depressing books or movies after 7 pm. Existential dread blocking software. Something I can blow into that will measure my brain chemistry and be like "oh no no, only baby animals or Bob's Burgers for you until this clears up"

I get heartburn from *not* eating and never thought to Google this; just assumed my body was uniquely fucked up. Turns out that's a thing! #normal

Imagine saying something like this and not instantly imploding into nothingness. (I mean, she has, it's just on the inside where the soul used to be)

mom can you pick me up at the strait of hormuz, my friends are laughing at me and wont help

Thinking way ahead: Do you think there are still enough convicted felons in the NFL that I could put together an all-felon fantasy team?

First workday song (featuring Mary Timony, my secret girlfriend): youtu.be/Fk6qb9NUcF8?...

I've never seen a political party so lazy that they don't even feel like pretending they're doing something.

I'm sitting through a thing and the presenter has now said, "And lastly..." three times

Live version of first workday song: youtu.be/D1xDkZLMUKo?...

I feel very tired and whiny, just uselessly flopping around the house like an unhappy pancake

This was the White House's war plan: Day #1 : Bomb Day #2: Iran becomes a white Christian nationalist country Day #3: Free gas Day 4: Kid Rock concert/UFC fight broadcast from Tehran So far, things are a bit off track

Work is like an unskippable cutscene

It takes effort for me to remember that the Hamburglar is not a hamburger. "You're thinking of Mayor McCheese," they tell me. Oh right. I am.

First workday song: deeperchi.bandcamp.com/track/willing

They were playing a Sebadoh album (Bakesale) (recorded in Chicago!) at the grocery store and I choose to be elated about this.

SMILE BALLS???

Attention all household cats: I am getting reports that today is a perfect day to eat too fast, barf up your food, and immediately go into "oh god I'm so hungry" mode

First workday song (with a bonus thing you can read): thelisteningpostblog.wordpress.com/2018/02/24/s...

Thinking ahead to that Ides of March thing the internet loves so much and just saying, that was a day when a bunch of elected senators organized to kill a dictator, just saying

it's Fossil Butthole Friday

I continue to be angry when an expensive thing works way better than a cheaper thing. I so want it to be equivalent or the other way.

Was half-watching a forgettable show and turned it off when a new couple dropped acid together, decided to go to a BOSTON-AREA ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADE, and had a life-affirming, community-minded, wholesome good time while falling deeply in love. I'll suspend disbelief but there are limits

First workday song is one of those that I can't sing out loud because I'll cry youtu.be/DTc1w32Vbeo?...

There's an Iron Maiden song about Alexander the Great? Goddamn you learn something new every day istg

Roses are red Tulips are bright

Really, everything that swings...swings both ways.

First workday song, delayed due to delicious, proper breakfast: thevacantlots.bandcamp.com/track/night-...

I might be an unsung hero. No one is singing so that's one clue

Seems a little rude to call them that?

Yearly thryoid scan was great: a very gentle technician and a normal amount of lube, unlike last year's lady who mashed my neck into pieces and essentially bukkake'd me to hell and back

Stupid eyebrow thing aside, this guy looks like someone with paperwork saying he's not allowed to be near an elementary school.

I had never in my life seen the word "Kalshi" before today and for a split second thought I had misremembered the name of that cereal and that cereal was in the news

Dubai is about as romantic as a fucking mall

I'm pretty sure there was just an audible Zoom fart from a presenter and this might just be a day for the history books

Have your morning beverage of choice and watch this armadillo dig a hole. youtu.be/SkXDQxgs_Pw?...

Is it just me or is Oscar the Grouch much brighter these days. He has gone from the avocado green of a '70s refrigerator to a sort of toned-down AstroTurf

I just think that Paul McCartney has already taken up enough of our collective national consciousness

It's Make Merry March because I'll die if I don't! So far I have scheduled two literary readings, one book club meetup (bird-related), a "learn to play mahjong" thing, one yoga class, two or three rock shows, and one weekend trip. STAY BUSY, DON'T THINK

Very cool how every day the tension in my brain between “how the fuck can you care about dumb shit that makes you feel a little better at a time like this” and “this dumb shit is providing a sense of meaning and staving off total emotional collapse” is rising toward truly untenable levels

The thing you have to understand about the 80s is that the Harlem Globetrotters could show up in anything at any time and nobody would bat an eye.

First workday song: youtu.be/c9cIQb5x7OA?...

they took my blood but not my dignity. well, a little of my dignity. mimismartypants.com/2026/02/26/t...

Oh I didn't know it was going to be a "cry about nothing/everything" night! Come on crying gang! Raise your crumpled Kleenex to the sky with me!

Outstanding recipe comment, thank you Robert

repost this perfectly flat bud heavy can and you will be blessed with fortunes heretofore untold