smut is getting too niche imo

No, I’m not going to CALM DOWN. Why don’t you CALM UP

The freaks who insist that it's not necessary to wash their hands after the bathroom ("I don't pee on my hands!") are missing the fact that it's just plain good to wash your hands periodically and bathroom breaks are a nice natural point at which to do so.

This coffee is making my stomach hurt; time for a refill

Tonight I made my first truly successful meatloaf. As good as my mom's. I CARRY THE MEATLOAF TORCH INTO THE FUTURE

More NYT recipe comment gems. Let us all pity Maria's husband, who has no ethnicity

Today I randomly saw on my Chicago Public Library dashboard that I've passed 1800 items borrowed, I guess since the advent of the dashboard/system (obviously lifetime is much higher). There should be virtual badges! Stickers! I am gifting you this idea, @chipublib.bsky.social 💖

Sort of scary/thrilling when you get one of those Haul Ass CTA bus drivers

Walked three miles for the brain benefits but also bought a coffee I don't need. Supporting small businesses plus now I'm all resilient and shit.

Broke a necklace I had been wearing almost daily and the worst part is that I really miss it as a fidget toy. :(

If I played guitar, and had one of those guitars with the whammy bar thing (lot of ifs here), I would use it so much. "Mimi," my band mates would say, "this part doesn't really require whammy bar." But I'd be there whammying away.

I dreamed that he self-immolated on live TV. It wasn't even that gruesome. All the media outlets agreed to show it.

I'm seeing New Candys tonight and NewDad tomorrow---kind of a weird week for band names

First workday song: youtu.be/I8SHt3Mu_tI?...

Post something random or you'll have the exact same May as you will if you don't post anything.

Off to a barbecue. 10-year-old son: “Is it going to be one of those adult barbecues where everyone’s just ‘chatting?” The word ‘chatting’ could not have been delivered with more disdain.

The franchise is not very good for many reasons but truly it's the appalling makeup that makes the Rhode Island Housewives show unwatchable. I've seen better makeup on bodies in caskets.

Look if you've got a better way to run a country than "putting an illiterate octogenarian bigot on TV every few days to free associate and complain, and then everyone tries to figure out if it means we're about to start a war or not" I'd love to hear it. But the constitution says this is it.

I wish I could experience photosynthesis just once. I bet it feels great.

I went to all the trouble of organizing an edging convention and no one came

No one sends me more email than a certain well-known underpants company from which I sometimes order underpants. Twice a day or more. Underpants company is my best friend.

This product's consumption was referred to, in my memory, as "getting mauled" and later a cheers to Tim Treadwell was included

my son uses "lol" almost like "stop" in a telegram

really good first workday song. bummed I'm going to miss these guys when they're here later this month. justmustard.bandcamp.com/track/deaf

Happy May Day! Happy full moon! Happy anniversary of the polio vaccine! Happy death day to Antonin Dvořák! Happy Constitution Day to the Marshall Islands, even though I made fun of you in a recent blog post! Blessed Beltane!

A book of everything you could need to know en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lincoln...

One thing about me is that I will name folders "Whatever" and put items like "Do the stupid thing" on my to-do list and then not find it useful later. But will I stop? No!

First workday song: youtu.be/lFzwnwDMFvQ?...

Men are way too emotional to be leaders

[to my friend, whom I love] you're on very thick ice with me, buddy

holy shit. have fun listening and getting lost: aschmann.net/AmEng/#Audio...

"Gender reveal" lol. Babies are just baby gender. They dress baby-style and express themselves in a baby manner.

These do not get their due, why are they so rarely performed en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_stra...

here is your horoscope for today

Incredible alt text, incredible turtle

I hope it's acceptable to go to acupuncture looking like a gremlin because you're not getting me out of these sweatpants today.

I hate when people get on my case for not attending work social functions. I have recovery reasons, mental-peace reasons, and energetic protection reasons. I also don't want to. Okay?

Introductory clause of the day, from the ophthalmic literature: "Compared with spheroidal eyes,"

I wish that the culture's most fervent, discourse-worthy censorship battles were not centered around Jimmy Kimmel, who is not worth all this fuss

As a fan of all forms of cleromancy, I really like "surprise me" or "random post" buttons on recipe websites.

First workday song: youtu.be/EKyvH0oHd3g?...

Also I was evacuated (although in no danger) from a building today because of a shooting in the building next door to where I was, so this has just been a very shooty day and I'm fucking tired.

Who could have imagined the reporters at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner would have wound up cringing in their knees on the ground

demeter when her daughter goes missing

First workday song: youtu.be/YZ50HFc0-6Y?...

I have to be honest. I don't care what the rules DON'T say. They should not have let Air Bud play, it is just too absurd.