You gotta hope The Hive staff are ON THEIR QUEUE GAME if @adamlarter.bsky.social's quirky madcap "load of surreal nonsense" www.edfringe.com/tickets/what... starts at exactly the same time as Sadia Azmat's "hour of unapologetic rape jokes" www.edfringe.com/tickets/what... in the next room, LORDY.

Its 2035. Uprising celebration day. Led by Donkeys have projected a humorous video onto the side of the drone prisons. The few remaining humans take off their gas masks to comment to each other 'why can't this lefty woke mob give it a rest occasionally?'

How many racists do LBC want to do 'call ins' with? Have they ever actually convinced them of anything? Do they ever listen to any logical counter argument? Is now not the time where we just say... they don't get airtime?

There’s something going on with dad

Makerfield or breakerfield

Wes Streeting has resigned to take the job he was born to do…regional sales manager for Moss Bros

Anyone not calling it a wesignation is a coward

Spaces are filling up on my 101 comedy course on joke and sketch writing! Next Wednesday evening www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/comedy-wri...

We call this design 'Kicking Random Man Up The Arse.' €5 from every sale goes directly to the World Food Programme's Palestine appeal >>> https://waterfordwhispers.shop/products/arse-kicked

EDINBURGH poster reveal! Can a Swiss folk hero defeat Artificial Intelligence? Find out in August at the HOOTS Big Yurt, Potterrow, and at a number of previews across the country. linktr.ee/michaelbruns...

We've finally won the war against woke

Canva- now with AI! Gmail- now with AI! Zoom- now with AI! Word documents- now with AI! Washing machines- now with AI! Books- now with AI! The sky- now with AI! A moment of stillness on a spring morning- now with AI! ✨There’s nothing that can’t be worsened or completely ruined with AI!✨

*Tonight* *North London* *Comedy* Myself and Ali Brice bring our comedy stylings to the King Alfred Phoenix Theatre [Golders Green / Hampstead] Details and tickets here. www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/weirdos-co... Good times guaranteed. Spread the word pls x

NIGEL FARAGE'S SUPPORTERS ARE SHOWING UP AT GREEN RALLIES DOING NAZI SALUTES. 382472343 OF NIGEL FARAGE'S EX-SCHOOLMATES SAID HE MADE GAS CHAMBER NOISES AT JEWISH KIDS. ALL WE FUCKING HEAR ABOUT IS THE ONE JEWISH PARTY LEADER BEING A DANGER TO EVERY JEWISH BRITON. I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING INSANE.

he's been rushed to johns hopkins landscaping

I wanna see Hilary go on Infowars. This is now a possibility.

Goodbye, get lost, and we'll see you soon.

Thought this bin was Paddington bear.

One of my favourite moments on twitter was when I tweeted "Accidentally said "Many thank you" to a woman in a shop." and got hundreds of replies about various misfortunes. (it's still there if you want to look). This was one of the highlights.

We have a podcast. It is excellently ridiculous. Please give Radio Nonsense a listen if you +/ your family would like to hear comics like @adamlarter.bsky.social, @kathyrivett.bsky.social, @ofalafel.bsky.social & @gracejarvisohno.bsky.social answer kids' questions: podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/r...

AI advocates say: Technology will be safe because it will rely on reasonable human judgement. I say: Using AI is proof that your human judgement is entirely worthless. You failed at the very first choice.

AI advocates say: Technology will be safe because it will rely on reasonable human judgement. I say: Using AI is proof that your human judgement is entirely worthless. You failed at the very first choice.

I've got to the point where I don't care if presidential assassination attempts are fake or not. Who cares. He's building his stupid money-laundering ballroom whether it happened or not. I woke up to "assassination attempt on Trump" headlines and felt ever so little.

Neighbour on the phone: Thanks lovely, thanks so much. *Puts the phone down* Neighbour immediately to her friend: £49?? What the fuck is in that order?? Are they joking or something?

Next door are ordering a Chinese over the phone like its the 90s. "Can I order two full fat cokes - yeh - the red ones - full fat coke" Love it.

Couldn't resist. That's not my Booky Wook.

Hate those personalised Better Help adverts telling you to stop checking your fringe ticket sales.

oh so now it's illegal to put on a little play with your friends

I've actually watched a pot and seen it boil so you're all talking shit.

Happy Tax Day, New York. We’re taxing the rich.

Give that man a milkshake!

In a Whatsapp group about cryptic crosswords with other comedians. I made this meme and felt quite pleased with myself.

What my brain pictures every time I hear Pope Leo.

When Paddington dies, who holds his hand?

Erm.... Are these people ok? I don't think they're ok. Join.greenparty.org.uk

Every now and then I just randomly remember the triplets in the Matrix sequels.

This might surprise people who aren't from the UK, but over here there's a publication that, in order to write for it, you have to be a sex offender.

Dear @lucympowell.bsky.social, I have enjoyed our exchange of letters about which of our parties is best placed to stop Reform. Hannah Spencer MP and I trust that you agree that this question has now been resolved once and for all. Thanks, Zack Polanski

This is so bad I never want to spend money ever again. I’m taking it out on all products everywhere.

We know. Do something about it www.theguardian.com/society/2026...

Pleasure to have you starting here at the Castle, Mr Crapper. You've already met Lumiere, Cogsworth and Mrs Pots. Oh this is my dog Footstool. Ha! I just realised a lot of the staff here are also named like the things they do. Let's hope we don't get cursed to be them aye, Crapper. Hahahaha.

A good week to bury Kemi Badenoch’s Desert Island Discs Her first dance was to Wet Wet Wet's cover of Love is All Around Me

Today I purchased out of date chewing gum. Didn't know that could happen. How does it taste? Sort of has the texture of a tissue that was left in a jeans-pocket and went through the wash.

Colin Jost: What is happening? Oh boy. Can we just PLEASE get on with the show? This is just... Oh my. Oh boy.

A 15th-century Inca citadel located in the Eastern Cordillera of southern Peru on a mountain ridge at 2,430 meters (7,970 ft).

Below - in this voice.