Alistair Green
@mralistairgreen.bsky.social
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The Churel
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2 days ago
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Little tip for you- if you’re unloading a dishwasher at somebody else’s house this Christmas DONT ask them where things go because it’ll take forever. Just stuff them anywhere and let them deal with it. It’s not your problem and you’re NOT their fucking slave. 😉👍
4 days ago
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My mum got me a cookbook and next to each recipe is a ‘carcinogen scale’ telling you how likely it is you’ll get cancer from it.
4 days ago
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Thank you the baby Jesus… for everything 🙏 💞
#christisking
#christmas
#manger
etc
5 days ago
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Why we never married
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9 days ago
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For one night only I’ll be presenting a series of never seen before videos followed by general Christmas related mayhem 🤪 at Rio Dalston on dec 18th. Ticket link in bio. See you there 💀 🎄
22 days ago
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Man delivering line that he’s been practising all week at dinner party
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about 1 month ago
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Sunday afternoon 4pm staring into the void
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about 1 month ago
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Watched an ai tiktok of a person cutting a cake that looks like a cat and a pet cat who’s watching freaks out and someone in the comments said ‘this is disgusting’ and someone else underneath wrote ‘its ai’ and the first one replied ‘it doesnt make it right he’ll be traumatised’
about 2 months ago
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Just the words ‘John Lewis Christmas ad’ make me want to throw myself off a fucking bridge.
about 2 months ago
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Might read a book. 📕 Only joking , going to look at my phone while a shit film plays in the background that I’ve seen at least 3 times and eat sugar until the anxiety is so overwhelming I have to go to bed. 😉
about 2 months ago
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Thinking about how I have to start reading another book now because I just finished one. (took me 7 months)
about 2 months ago
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A lot of people have asked so just to clarify I turned down the Riyadh comedy festival on principle. I regard my comedy as art and I would never compromise my integrity for a pay check. (Couldn’t do it anyway as it clashed with a voiceover I was doing for Morrisons).
2 months ago
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I’m sorry but there’s no way I can remember who anyone is if you release tv shows weekly. Even if it was postman pat I’d forget his name and his job. Our brains are rotted and there’s no going back so either put it all out at once or don’t bother putting it out at all.
2 months ago
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It’s the wallpaper that’s the giveaway for me
2 months ago
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Our equivalent of this is when Lembit Opik got off with one of the cheeky girls 🥲 🇬🇧
3 months ago
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Radio 4 comedy panel show 🎭
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3 months ago
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Commitment Ceremony on Married At First Sight
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3 months ago
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I won’t lie I needed to hear this today lol x 💞🥰 🙏
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3 months ago
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‘We want ARE country back’ I write sarcastically in the comments, triumphantly highlighting the posters lack of education compared to mine, as I recline in my Eames chair and take a sip of steaming hot Peruvian coffee from my Rest Is Politics mug. Another opponent vanquished. 😎
3 months ago
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We’re witnessing vintage Corbyn with this new party stuff. A man in pure flow state. Simply unplayable at this level.
3 months ago
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Wonderful to see former friend of Jeffrey Epstein Prince Andrew at the Duchess of Kents funeral, followed by our King entertaining former friend of Jeffrey Epstein Donald trump, in order to get a trade deal arranged by former friend of Jeffrey Epstein Peter mandelson. God bless us 🩷 🇬🇧
3 months ago
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English people really need to stop talking like Americans now it’s so fucking embarrassing. Watched a TikTok this morning of a man walking round a retail park in Ashford going on about ‘antifa’. What are you doing.
4 months ago
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reposted by
Alistair Green
Mr Bingo
4 months ago
After a brilliant day with
@mralistairgreen.bsky.social
in the shop on Saturday, the Alistair Green(s) print is now available online! Edition of 200, all signed by both of us! Big thanks to all who came down on Saturday to meet him, we both loved it :) 👉🏻
shop.mr.bingo/products/ali...
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You are exactly where you’re supposed to be right now 💞
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4 months ago
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Silly I know but one likes to imagine her majesty up in heaven smiling approvingly as patriots paint a mini roundabout at 1am. Perhaps Paddington is there too passing her a marmalade sandwich, his paw lingering on her soft feminine hand for a moment too long.. ❤️🏴
4 months ago
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Voxpop: the state of Britain today 🇬🇧
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4 months ago
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Annual tv industry conference
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4 months ago
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Going to start posting this comment under random TikToks regardless of the context. A recipe for pasta alla norma, a review of a yonex tennis racket, how to replace a headlight on a Mazda mx5 , doesn’t matter what.
5 months ago
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Another successful week on bluesky.
5 months ago
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Count yourself lucky you can still watch this one because TikTok thought it was real and banned it 😢
add a skeleton here at some point
5 months ago
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New hotel EXPOSED! 😡 🦁 🏴
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5 months ago
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Well we waited 45 years for it … and Oasis at Wembley did NOT disappoint for me and the boys. From ‘live forever’ to ‘sally can wait’ they played all the hits and other ones too and we’ll be ‘mad fer* it’ for a long time to come ie we’ll remember it for years! What a night! *for
5 months ago
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2 dog owners bumping into each other
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5 months ago
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Couple hiring a rowing boat in the park
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5 months ago
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How tom skinner tweets sound when you read them out loud
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5 months ago
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Enjoying the banter on bluesky again
5 months ago
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My grandad actually died fighting the Spanish Armada so tonight’s England victory against Spain meant a great deal to me and his memory. Not a very ‘woke’ thing to say in certain quarters I’m sure but I’m afraid the truth doesn’t care about your feelings.
5 months ago
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You’d never guess he just got divorced would you
5 months ago
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Reckon I could beat Alcaraz or Sinner. Don’t get me wrong it wouldn’t be easy. Might even be a 5 setter. But in the end I’d edge the win. Why am I so sure? Little thing called life experience. Goes a long way in this game. 👍 🎾
6 months ago
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Norrie to beat alcaraz 2-6, 3-6, 6-0, 6-0, 6-0. Sounds crazy right? Get back to me after the game and see if you’re still so sure. Doubt it somehow. 😎😉
6 months ago
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If someone beats a British player at Wimbledon they really shouldn’t be interviewed on court afterwards. It comes across as gloating I’m afraid. Instead they should offer to withdraw so the British player can go through. It would show great sportsmanship and endear them to the British public. 👍🇬🇧
6 months ago
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Hate to say this but if I was in the Wimbledon audience I don’t think the camera would linger on me like it does other celebrities such as David beckham or Bradley cooper. And that’s a bitter pill to swallow I can tell you that for nothing.
6 months ago
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Asked the cafe owner if he could turn the air conditioning on and he said it’s not worth it as we have the door open
6 months ago
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Got my shorts on today. I look like an uncooked chicken.
7 months ago
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Watching England again. Buzzing! 😜 🏴
7 months ago
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If you want to go viral say something like ‘anyone know a pub where they’re showing the trump vs musk twitter fight’ or words to that effect. People will lap it up. They love that kind of stuff. Tip from an old pro 😉🤫
7 months ago
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Having a beer in Budapest 😜🍻
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7 months ago
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Just wish there were more podcasts containing ‘hilarious and unapologetic conversations with no topic off limits!’
8 months ago
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Why am I crying ? 🥹❤️ ☕️
8 months ago
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