Think it’s a real shame the new dinosaurs series on Netflix uses ai. Sure it’s cheaper this way but I can’t help but wonder what footage a camera crew could have got by filming these magnificent creatures up close in the wild if Netflix had stumped up the cash.

Theres a bit in the Netflix Dinosaur series where it says it rained for a MILLION years. Humans could be wiped out in a nuclear bomb and we’d just be a footnote in Earths history. We’re utterly insignificant. Not me obviously, I’m significant but apart from me I mean.

Although I narrowly missed out on an Oscar nomination this year (I guess mens mental health means nothing- good to know) I want ppl to know this will not deter me- it will only drive me on. And to the judges I say this- you have made a grave, GRAVE error in making an enemy of me.

We really need to be honest with ourselves in the uk and admit we are not capable of producing politicians of this calibre . It’s embarrassing to pretend otherwise. I’m seeing people say ‘hes our mamdani’ above a photo of Ed Milliband.

Tried to bond with my mum by sending her the sort of lame comedy meme she sends me and this was her reply

Just generally when people say they ‘dont understand the hate’ for influencers living in Dubai are they being serious?

Yes I missed out on best album at the brits this year (didnt get time to make album) but I can still hold my head high and be proud. Im sure Olivia deans is good (havent listened) but for me Im focused more on artistry than mainstream success. Different strokes as they say 🤷‍♂️

Like most people I vote for the party that annoys the people I dislike the most at that time. My entire worldview is based on spite.

I actually got down to the last 2 for the role of Heathcliff in withering heights. They went with erlordi in the end who I’m sure did a competent job (didn’t see it) and I guess what I would have brought to the role will remain one of the great ‘what ifs’ of modern cinema.

Just received the Galton and simpson or whatever election result from my source inside the count . Cant say too much atm for legal reasons but very interesting. VERY interesting indeed.

(Using ai to make a 1min video where Robert Downey junior has lobster claws for hands and fights with Tom cruise on the surface of the sun then Tom turns into a transformer jet and flies to earth to blow up Big Ben) - Hollywood is FINISHED

I got bored of the Paddington bit about a year ago but do you know what- I’m finding it all VERY funny again since seeing him die on his arse at the BAFTAs. Watching people go nah I’m bored of his thing now and seeing a cultural moment just DISINTEGRATE in real time. Love it.

Oh right fair enough they were ‘in a truck’

I’m crying with laughter at how shit this is 😂😂😂

Ooo exciting wonder who it is!

Silly I know but one likes to imagine her majesty up in hea’n looking a little cross because she spent 12m to settle a charge against her paedo son only to see him arrested for misconduct in public office. Im sure Paddington will cheer her up with a yummy marmalade sandwich 💞🇬🇧

Another victim of the satire of @mralistairgreen.bsky.social can he be stopped before the whole economy crashes (again) youtu.be/-wP3BjTdogY?...

God rest her paedophile protecting soul 🥹🇬🇧

Thinking about doing a video called ‘comedians talking about snl uk’

There are only 12 podcast guests in the uk and they have been in permanent rotation since 2015.

Steven Bartlett there, attempting to rehabilitate his tarnished public image by having some friendly banter with a man who begged a paedophile to let him visit his island.

Just buying some toilet duck in Sainsbury’s and remembered that the world is run by a cabal of paedophile billionaires.

Probably safer to start from the basis that all billionaires are paedophiles until proven otherwise.

Mandelson was on Laura kuensberg the other week and she asked him why he stayed friends with Epstein after he’d been to prison for being a paedo and he gave some excuse and then they just carried on talking about other news stories for the rest of the interview.

Too long to post on this app and don’t want to edit it so here if you want to watch. It’s called Taxi youtu.be/hu2o8lMpqXw?...

Trump may be getting away with this now but lets see if hes still so confident after a satirist does a scathing impression of him on SNL. Methinks not somehow 😏

Imagine being American and slagging off Britain. Wind your fucking necks in you thick meathead cunts.

Lot of people worried about going to the World Cup in America now but as long as you don’t do anything completely crazy like help a woman up who’s been pushed over then you have nothing to worry about and hopefully won’t be executed in the street. Enjoy it! ⚽️

HUGE opportunity for comedians this week !

Comedian doing his first hour after starting comedy 5 weeks ago and doing 2 open spots

Embrace It!

Worst year ever already. Hate it.

The spirit of Christmas 🎅

The Churel

Little tip for you- if you’re unloading a dishwasher at somebody else’s house this Christmas DONT ask them where things go because it’ll take forever. Just stuff them anywhere and let them deal with it. It’s not your problem and you’re NOT their fucking slave. 😉👍

My mum got me a cookbook and next to each recipe is a ‘carcinogen scale’ telling you how likely it is you’ll get cancer from it.

Thank you the baby Jesus… for everything 🙏 💞 #christisking #christmas #manger etc

Why we never married

For one night only I’ll be presenting a series of never seen before videos followed by general Christmas related mayhem 🤪 at Rio Dalston on dec 18th. Ticket link in bio. See you there 💀 🎄

Man delivering line that he’s been practising all week at dinner party

Sunday afternoon 4pm staring into the void

Watched an ai tiktok of a person cutting a cake that looks like a cat and a pet cat who’s watching freaks out and someone in the comments said ‘this is disgusting’ and someone else underneath wrote ‘its ai’ and the first one replied ‘it doesnt make it right he’ll be traumatised’

Just the words ‘John Lewis Christmas ad’ make me want to throw myself off a fucking bridge.

Might read a book. 📕 Only joking , going to look at my phone while a shit film plays in the background that I’ve seen at least 3 times and eat sugar until the anxiety is so overwhelming I have to go to bed. 😉

Thinking about how I have to start reading another book now because I just finished one. (took me 7 months)

A lot of people have asked so just to clarify I turned down the Riyadh comedy festival on principle. I regard my comedy as art and I would never compromise my integrity for a pay check. (Couldn’t do it anyway as it clashed with a voiceover I was doing for Morrisons).

I’m sorry but there’s no way I can remember who anyone is if you release tv shows weekly. Even if it was postman pat I’d forget his name and his job. Our brains are rotted and there’s no going back so either put it all out at once or don’t bother putting it out at all.

It’s the wallpaper that’s the giveaway for me

Our equivalent of this is when Lembit Opik got off with one of the cheeky girls 🥲 🇬🇧