Pretty useful having this bookmark feature

I sincerely hope 100% of my followers are bots. I can’t imagine the damage real people might suffer if they read this shit.

Best fake band names: Carcass (metal) Pink Lillies (indie twee) James Plastic & the Teflonics (indie) Rubber Hose (70s rock) Hindley (90s indie) Sugar Plum Fairy (Lou Reed tribute) Kalashnikov (Euro punk) Cherry Blitz (80s pop) Brian Oldman & the Rings of Power (prog rock) Psoriasis (death metal)

My list should I ever want to start a new band: Gadzooks! The Jetset Dropouts World War Tutti Frutti Respectfully Horny The Wet Farts Cool Hand Leukaemia Ooga Booga Flamingo Friday Just Thirsty Ample Cleavage Degloved Elvis

Oi! Dave The Statutes Supreme Corpse Veddie Eddrer Simon Paul Asparagus Wee Stevenage Is Shit

Much love to Vampire Weekend, who played right after us at the Shaky Knees festival in Atlanta and treated the crowd to this lovely Weird Al cover

Shoplifting from the boyfriend store —-> stealing someone’s boyfriend

Right then Monday you bastard, what have you got in store for me?

Eating fillet steak and drinking Barolo because fuck it why not?

Tie over? No way Italy lose the doubles..

I’m disgusted to hear my friend STILL subscribes to Disney+. I cancelled 2 years ago, but still watch because she gave me her log in details. Our friendship will be over if she doesn’t quit soon. Preferably after I’ve seen all of Alien Earth. I honestly feel like I’m the only person making a stand.

Still just need to know this really.. bsky.app/profile/mega...

It’s been going around for a day or so, but you really need to watch this Dutch late-night show’s parody of MAGA Disney. It’s brutal and honestly better than anything our comedy shows have done this week (though Colbert had a cute riff on Be Our Guest) youtu.be/7vRX-BQAjeE?...

Still fuming about this. Stupid past Shamp.

Go and listen to some Cheekface. It’s better than whatever you are doing now.

I DONT KNOW!! WHEN IS TOO LATE? YOURE STRESSING ME OUT MAN

Eh. Vote however you want (like you don’t anyway), but listen to both of these albums cos they’re good imo.

Smart.

It occurs to me, a decade or more into being permanently work from home, that there is literally nothing stopping me from ordering a massive Chinese takeaway for my lunch.

Meanwhile one of the clever football writers (probably Nick Miller) pens a long read in The Athletic about how football culture changes British politics.

Pulling out of mixed with Andy Murray. Pulling out of Fed Cup to play a tour event. She’s definitely not too concerned with keeping the British tennis fans on side…

I’m prepared to sacrifice some cognitive advantage in exchange for not looking like a virgin.

I think the BBC would do well to remember that if Reform came to power, they’d shut it down tomorrow.

Quite post a film you like with a terrible rotten tomatoes score. Long term followers will know what to expect here.

The yellow car game is ableist and if you let your children play, you are raising bigots. #TrashTuesday

Here’s this week’s cartoon for @sport.theguardian.com www.theguardian.com/football/pic...

if somebody tried to hornswoggle me i would have a hairy conniption

We’re out of dog food. Dog is currently sad. She’s getting Iceland lamb mince with weetabix in a minute though. Is that good for dogs? It’ll make her happy..

I’ll be voting Bob here because: A:- I am not an American and B:- I am a grownup

*whilst surrendering to them at every opportunity.

Muuuummmm my wife is refusing to validate my poor life choices again…mummmm.

FURIOUS that none of my posts were popular enough for Bluesky safety to ban me.

"We extend our heartfelt sympathy to Saurons family and friends. Although we did not agree politically, we condemn this cowardly act of terrorism and the destruction of a historic landmark" - Keir Starmer

It's Friday. It's the shortest amount of time anyone has ever owned a trouser press. youtu.be/tNqn5bKmKNc?...

More a criminal minds one really, but whenever I enter a hotel room I check the bathroom for dead bodies before I do anything else.

“A man has died and whatever you think of his beliefs, it’s very poor taste to…” All of Bluesky:

This was the highlight for me.

Onlyfans?

Anyone who has spent a night out on the beers with Japanese business people will know that they put beer away in astonishing quantities.

Summer's here and the time is right For a lovely Dancing In The Street BBQ ©Paddy Merrit

You make 16 blocks and what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt St Peter don’t you call me cos I can’t go I owe my soul to the company store

You honestly don't have to show me what Twitter's saying. That's why I'm here and not there.

It’s fun watching America - it’s like a special sneak preview into what the UK will be like in 4 or 5 years time.

Chapman

By 2027 there will be exactly 3 famous people left that it’s okay to like.

Still lots in the garden though, so lunch remains as standard for a while longer.

This time next year I will have an army of Tomato Men and nothing* will be able to stop us. *possibly someone with a recently sharpened knife and some olive oil.

Say what you like about Queen, but if someone’s doing a viral flash mob, they pick a queen song.