Grace Jarvis
@gracejarvisohno.bsky.social
š¤ 3167
š„ 448
š 1291
I am a stand-up comedian and that is okay
https://linktr.ee/gracejarvis
pinned post!
if a woman tells you you have ānice handsā she is doing everything in her power not to fuck you senseless please release her from her torment her friends are receiving the kinds of messages someone in prison would send
over 2 years ago
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baby foxes scampering and gambolling along the rooftops out behind my flat no photo
1 day ago
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if I was writing an action/revenge film where the antagonist was an insurance appraiser I would have the revenge seeking main character say something like, āAppraise this!ā in reference to his weapon before he used that weapon on his target
4 days ago
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took myself out to dinner, no headphones, immediately overheard a table full of english people in their thirties who are āsooooo excited for the new Harry Potter seriesā - it is the damn wild west out here
12 days ago
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I live directly above a music venue and, I tell you what, they are never not playing Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand down there
13 days ago
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just got a fraud prevention phone call because Iām trying to pay the NHS fee to extend my UK visa and the lady asked me if I was using a legitimate website and if I found it via google search or if someone sent me the link and if it could possibly be a scam IT IS THE UK GOVERNMENT WEBSITE
13 days ago
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itās so demoralising to use the bathroom while youāre travelling just cramming your suitcases into a tiny stall with you like theyāre small children who canāt be left by themselves
15 days ago
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when I was a kid my uncle had a picture of Britney Spears with a snake around her shoulders as his desktop background and even at my tender age I thought, āthis is some textbook uncle shitā
26 days ago
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you book me for something and I WILL do my time
add a skeleton here at some point
27 days ago
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slaying the Met Gala by showing up in a giant wooden horse
29 days ago
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I have a bunch of stickers left and Iām in Australia for a few more weeks, if anyone didnāt get a chance to buy one at a show and wants some mail
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
The Daily Tism
about 1 month ago
To mark our 2nd birthday and the end of our Patreon Pledge Week, we've teamed up with the amazing
@coherentcomedy.bsky.social
to bring you an hour of live comedy, headlined by the brilliant
@gracejarvisohno.bsky.social
!
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
Coherent Comedy
about 1 month ago
šTISM/COHERENTš We will be doing a cross over show with
@thedailytism.com
next Sunday. Joined by Coherent favouriteās
@natyougn.bsky.social
and
@thatbaldyfella.bsky.social
with the incredible
@gracejarvisohno.bsky.social
headlining. The show will be for Daily Tism patreons, details below š
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
Drew Mayo
about 1 month ago
The Brisbane show tonight by
@gracejarvisohno.bsky.social
was so good. You should check out her podcast too. And maybe buy her stickers.
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Brisbane! Monday 27th of April! This coming Monday, in fact! 7pm! Good Chat Comedy Club!
goodchatcomedy.com/shows/grace-...
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
Sara Gibbs
about 1 month ago
Our team has written 14 bonus pieces for all paid levels for Patreon Pledge Week & at the end of it thereās a big virtual standup show for our 2nd birthday party with
@coherentcomedy.bsky.social
running the show &
@gracejarvisohno.bsky.social
headlining. Please sign up, weāre all half dead now!
add a skeleton here at some point
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me and my friends getting "left behind" by AI
about 1 month ago
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all the Grillāds in the Melbourne CBD are fresh out of Healthy Fried Chicken Bites (Australiaās Favourite Nugget) (and mine also) if anyone has any intel on their restock schedule, spread the word!
about 2 months ago
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the cinema popcorn choctop combo is one of the few culinary experiences where you can enjoy cold and hot AND sweet and salty simultaneously
about 2 months ago
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
Catherine Kneen
about 2 months ago
I saw
@gracejarvisohno.bsky.social
last night at the
#MICF
and she was great! Check her out
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honestly obsessed with the people proselytising on the street this weekend, they really think the reason Iām not in church is because I havenāt heard about the concept
about 2 months ago
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thinking about the pastor at my all girls school who told us that the rock in front of Jesusā tomb couldnāt have been that heavy because ātwo women managed to move itā
about 2 months ago
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
oak blanco
2 months ago
love work april fool
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my camera roll is obsessed with reminding me that this time last year I was also doing a comedy festival show
2 months ago
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sometimes at comedy gigs the bar staff get stressed about me using my drink ticket for soft drink so I end up with a pint of lemon, lime & bitters which is more lemon, lime & bitters than anyone has ever needed
2 months ago
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āI asked chatgptā well I asked the sage and mighty oracle and she said the only way to prevent the village crops from failing is to drag you around by the ankles, behind a horse-drawn chariot, for seven days and seven nights
2 months ago
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the whole of Australian society runs on the back of the āfriend with a uteā
2 months ago
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
danielle weisberg
2 months ago
you idiot!!!! (me to me)
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nothing transforms from friend to burden more rapidly than the humble neck pillow the very minute you set foot off the plane
2 months ago
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need a shock collar that goes off when I start telling a story that Iāve already told on my own podcast because Iām telling it to a different guest and, in the throes of good conversation & new perspective, I forget
3 months ago
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anyone who has ever used disability to justify their use of generative AI: may the ghost of Maud Lewis strike you down, Iām so serious
3 months ago
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honestly insulted to be getting targeted ads for ebay like thatās not where Iām spending half my screen time already
3 months ago
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ātwas the night before International Womenās Day and all through the house, not a woman was stirring because theyāre all being forced to get up obscenely early to go to breakfasts where they donāt actually get to eat nor complain about not eating
3 months ago
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and for the lady, perhaps a respite from the āØcalamitous screamingāØ?
3 months ago
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at London Zoo today, in the pygmy hippo enclosure, looking at the pygmy hippo asleep under a sign that says āthis is the pygmy hippoā and a guy says to his wife, āoh the hippo isnāt even here, thatās a statueā HUH??
3 months ago
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
Gillian Branstetter
3 months ago
They won't start with banning birth control. First they'll lie about it. Then dictate who can prescribe it, use it, fund it, in what forms, and for how long. Suddenly, your doctor won't call you back. I know this is what they'll do because it's what they're doing to transgender healthcare right now.
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
The Daily Tism
3 months ago
Coming this Thursday -
@gracejarvisohno.bsky.social
is back to chat about our most heinous sensory icks, why standup gigs for Autism Parents are a trap, & the hidden dangers of door-to-door onion salesmen.
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muuuuum theyāre accusing me of contributing to the downfall of society again!
add a skeleton here at some point
3 months ago
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
orcus
3 months ago
pretending to be a branch by pointing my chin towards the sky and closing my eyes
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š¦š¦š¦š¦š¦
@thedailytism.com
3 months ago
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girl math is buying something expensive and then using/wearing it a lot so that the cost per use/wear becomes as low as possible and boy math is getting catastrophically addicted to sports gambling and then killing your family
3 months ago
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with Valentineās Day approaching weāre about to see an influx of my favourite kind of post in which a couple commemorates a relationship thatās less than a year old by going, āweāve been through so many ups and downsā how many could there be?? itās been 6 months? maybe break up!
4 months ago
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this toilet canāt be separated from its bonded partner
4 months ago
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reposted by
Grace Jarvis
The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (ACMS)
4 months ago
AHOY-HOY! We have updated our list of free comedy specials on YouTube
noblefailure.org/specials
to include newness from
@andrewoneillcomedy.bsky.social
, Catherine Bohart and Rosie Jones, alongside
@abigoliah.bsky.social
,
@brainmage.bsky.social
,
@gracejarvisohno.bsky.social
,
@joznorris.bsky.social
...
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why do I feel so odd and unsettled? could it be because Iāve been switching between the audiobooks for Heated Rivalry, The Holocaust Industry by Norman G. Finkelstein and Dire Straitsā debut album Dire Straits all day?
5 months ago
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people who say things like, āwe didnāt have all this autism/ADHD/trans people back in my day?ā make me want to get the āinstances of left-handedness over timeā graph printed and distributed like a business card
5 months ago
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sheep really dig their big one with lanolin those guys are really onto something
5 months ago
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I accidentally left my beautiful, brand new woollen hood on the bus on its second ever outing because I was so tired after work and Iām just crying because I feel stupid
5 months ago
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Bugs Bunny over here
5 months ago
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Iām writing creative non-fiction about all the dead dogs in my life on substack
open.substack.com/pub/gracejar...
5 months ago
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this year Iām gonna put aside more time to spend on my true passion which is using the word āahoy!ā
5 months ago
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