in the year 2026 I will be transforming into a large and formidable oak tree

hope you have cheeses for those meeces because they’re fuckin coming for you

just gave your address to a bunch of mice wearing clothes merry christmas

Come see us* in January wegottickets.com/event/685242/! Bring any unwanted Christmas presents for the swaps table! Have an excellent rest of December! Have a nice time! HAVE A NICE TIME! * Inc. @turlygod.bsky.social, @barrstard.bsky.social, @gracejarvisohno.bsky.social, @joznorris.bsky.social, etc

audiobooks, much like bisexuality, are wholly more enjoyable when you stop engaging with whether weirdos on the internet think they “count”

pretty grim that I’ve been sick enough in my life to be able to recognise the difference between a bacterial infection and a viral infection just from how they feel in my body, but it’s fun to have a party trick at the doctors

gaston movie should just be 1.5 hours straight of him being terrorized by eggs

I have been upset by the Grinch’s terrible fluffy fingers my entire life

The Daily Tism is not an educational platform, that’s why it doesn’t have sources for its information because it’s not information

A chronically ill autistic woman has endeared herself to yet another specialist, according to the letter sent to her GP. Read this and other exclusive articles on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/123513...

it’s that time of year again! the time when my social media feeds are filled with Australians and New Zealanders very politely explaining that we have Christmas in summer to some American person in their comments calling them stupid for not wearing a jacket in December

I went to the post office yesterday to mail my friend a cross stitch that I spent weeks making and the lady behind the counter asked, “does the item have a value?” and I said, “well, I made it with my hands” and she just stared at me until I went, “so I guess not…”

put my vibrator in the bathroom sink to give it a quick wash while my flatmates weren’t home, got distracted by one of the eight other tasks I was doing concurrently and then forgot that I’d put it there until one of my flatmates came home and told me that’s where it was

I worship at the altar of stained glass

there’s something to be said for the deep spiritual bonds and genuine precious friendships I have formed with people I’ve simply made eye contact with, at the back of a comedy club, while someone was doing or saying something absolutely batshit insane onstage

#ACMS 📆 Monday 12 January 🏰 The Phoenix 🎟️ buy online from wegottickets.com/event/685242/ 😻 hosted by @turlygod.bsky.social, with @barrstard.bsky.social, @gracejarvisohno.bsky.social, @hollyburncomedy.bsky.social, @joznorris.bsky.social AND MORE 🌈 free guestlist for trans & non-binary folk, just ask

watching The X Files - the nineties were crazy!!!

shit is so bad that I am reading the terms and conditions

if you give me SEVEN godforsaken swans-a-swimming for Christmas, I assume you want to see my blood spilled that is not a present that is an assassination attempt

I’ve been thinking about the worms on the de-worming chocolate box since I was a kid, I just think they’re such fun little guys! they each look like such a good hang

I’ve made a Discord server for my podcast, if anyone’s into that: discord.gg/Hu66hp5WHN

stop doing Strange Things to those kids leave them alone

the original hot girl summer

my mum and I went to see The Play That Goes Wrong tonight and just before the show started all the actors were running around the theatre, panicked, asking everybody if they’ve seen a dog and the guy sitting next to us genuinely said, “do you think it’s part of the show or is the dog actually lost?”

I just need [5] more attributes to become an interesting character!

I miss when most businesses were interested in making a quality product for their customers.

Rain will often turn to hail if it fails to get enough attention

i could give up magnificently

our landlord is trying to sell our flat and there was supposed to be a viewing at 11:30, but I didn’t wake up until 12:30 so I’m not sure if they just didn’t come or if they viewed the house with me asleep in it like I was under some kind of fairytale spell

I am the poster girl for post-viral illness

A brand-new bonus episode of Autistic Women Oversharing is now live for your listening pleasure over on Patreon, featuring the hilarious @gracejarvisohno.bsky.social . Do we have ADHD, they ask, posting this several months late!

Australian and New Zealand-made art is some of the best art in the whole world, I don’t fuck with cultural cringe or tall poppy syndrome - we’re good

I notice that the same freaks who are very into The Matrix when it comes to misusing the red pill metaphor in aid of misogyny are weirdly not as opposed to AI being forced upon us as they should be

you should listen to episode 26 of The Agonies with @davidpostoffice.bsky.social & @ajinhd.bsky.social ✨ we establish which pokémon we are, our fighting styles, our most controversial takes and towards the end Correos starts drinking a mysterious unlabelled goo and I haven’t seen him since

i love making wizards guess things with little to no clues

no costume, unlike you posers I am truly embracing the spooky season by waiting to discover if my boyfriend has gastro in a science experiment exclusively hinged on whether I get it too

Are you a “warn everyone of imminent danger” autistic or an “infodumping at all costs autistic”? Sketch written by @brainmage.bsky.social & starring @gracejarvisohno.bsky.social @stuartlawscomedy.bsky.social - background gremlin by @sararoseg.bsky.social Full show here: linktr.ee/tdtnews

polyester halloween costumes are to me what garlic is to vampires watch me hiss and run out of the room to wash the feeling off my hands

Well look what we have here! It’s only The Daily Tism’s sketch show, back in audio form with a spooooooky Halloween special! In this episode, an autistic ghost has some unfinished business, Dr. Frankenstein makes a terrible mistake, and we take on THAT “I Am Autism” ad. Enjoy & tell everyone!

you should be allowed to take a break from sweating while you’re on holiday

you should be able to smoke weed with your dog

my most prolific hobby is moving an ice pack around to different parts of my body

I am once again at the shops looking for a face cream that will change my life

there’s no way to make this a functional technology, but I wish there was a way to completely block my access to TikTok on my phone except in the instances that I have to post something or that I’m having diarrhoea

why is there no ABC miniseries about the woman who married Morris Gleitzman and then after they broke up went on to marry Paul Jennings??

love when porn websites advertise “Australian Girls” as exotic yeah I’ve met Australian girls - country road bag, "here if you need," who bought pineapple cruisers, let’s go smoke down the servo - that’s them

depending on the kind of media you consumed as a kid you either thought you’d have to deal with a lot of quicksand as an adult or you thought you’d have to pour a lot more boiling oil on your enemies

can’t prove it, but I’m pretty sure the people who work at those little booths in shopping centres and apply phone screen protectors without bubbles all day are more skilled labourers than literally every architect

let the soft animal of your body get stuck in a blackberry thicket

when I was at uni I read a news article about a guy who ate a slug on a dare and became paralysed which is a really sad story, but now every time I see a slug my brain tells me not to eat it, which is crazy, ‘cause that was never my instinct before