Saddest story ever: FOR SALE Baby gun. Fired once.

“The Ooh Aah bird is so called because it lays square eggs.” One of the greatest joke deliveries of all time. RIP

OK, here it is: my Makuuchi Division banzuke prediction for the Nagoya basho. I’m still a novice, so be kind to my more idiotic mistakes. You’ll immediately notice that I’ve opted for FOUR sekiwake. A mad decision? Possibly, but it’s such a crowded san’yaku, I didn’t know what else to do. #sumo

Just realised that the July Banzuke will be announced tomorrow, and I haven’t compiled my predictions yet. I’ll get right on that, and post by the end of today. Sorry, everyone. #sumo

I’m just sitting eating hummus in the rain.

FANFARE 🎺 The PBH Free Fringe Weekender starts today. A massive lineup of comedy shows raising essential cash to keep the Fringe accessible and diverse. See everything! (I’m on at 5.20pm.)

Friday 3rd July @ The Glitch, Waterloo 7pm Stuart Goldsmith: Canary WIP 8.30pm Edith Alibec: The Void 10pm Michael Brunström: William Tell vs the Algorithm

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh, and cruel. Says he feels all alone in threatening world. Doctor says: 'Treatment is simple. The great therapist — Pagliacci — is in town. Go see him. Great listener. Empathetic and insightful.' Man bursts into tears. 'But doctor...'

Hooray to the Durham Fringe Festival for having separate Comedy, Theatre, and Comedy Theatre listings.

It could be worse. Imagine if it were this hot and we hadn’t decimated the insect population.

Look out for my new Edinburgh show: Michael Brunström Invites an Audience Member on Stage for a "Bit", Gives them Deliberately Incomplete Instruction on What they're Supposed to Do, and We all Laugh while they Struggle.

Massive PWYW comedy festival this weekend near London Bridge. All to support a more diverse and accessible Edinburgh Fringe.

Like royalty, MÜSLI has two birthdays. Today we celebrate the first müsliversary of her arrival in our home from the amazing Mayhew Animal Home. Pleased to report that she continues to grow in both her skills and our affection. Check out and support The Mayhew. #animalshelter #cats

Lovely stuff, the line-up is out for @jamesrosscomedy.bsky.social's PBH Free Fringe Weekender in Southwark (www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Lon...), with e.g. #ACMS veterans @michaelbrunstrom.bsky.social, @jlukeroberts.bsky.social, @alexanderybennett.bsky.social, and @robinince.bsky.social, HOW NICE.

The exile begins…

I’d go further. Do what they did with tobacco. No one born after 1 January 2009 should be allowed on social media.

It is easier to turn a billion dollars into a trillion dollars than it is to turn 5 dollars into 50 dollars.

Today’s to-do list focuses equally on fun creative tasks and the dull household chores I generally prioritise to avoid the fun creative tasks.

One week to go. Be a darling and prebook: www.museumofcomedy.com/michael-brun...

The collection grows. Imagine if I kept making these…? #zines

Apologies that “CRABS” is running slightly late. I plan to finish it this weekend. Should be the best one yet. If you would like this, or any of my zines, drop me a line.

The Edinburgh Fringe programme is published today. (I prefer the word 'brochure'.) The printed ticket prices now include the booking fee, which is far more transparent, though it does make it look as though prices have shot up dramatically from last year.

The football parade passes within yards of my front door. Fleeing home until the crowds disperse. Destination still undecided.

I don’t hate football. I hate noisy crowds. I wish spectators would keep a respectful silence during play.

Due to football, Islington is set to become a Boschian Road Warrior hellscape this weekend. Help!

Ruin a movie by gargling throughout.

They’ve changed the announcements on the Tube. It used to be “If you see something that doesn’t look right, call London Transport Police…” Now it’s “If you see something unusual…” This is a dangerous and worrying trend.

📣 REVIEW KLAXON! 📣 I am hugely grateful to Fringe Review, who have proclaimed "William Tell versus the Algorithm" HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. fringereview.co.uk/review/brigh...

Today I learned that there was a 10th-century Pope called Lando, about whom very little is known.

The algorithm thinks I want to buy a tractor and this worries me.

I would not like to have to play Bungle off Rainbow on a day like this.

A reminder to come to my show in Brighton on Sunday, and to get your ticket in advance to minimise my anxiety. www.brightonfringe.org/events/micha...

EDINBURGH poster reveal! Can a Swiss folk hero defeat Artificial Intelligence? Find out in August at the HOOTS Big Yurt, Potterrow, and at a number of previews across the country. linktr.ee/michaelbruns...

Heartbroken for Hoshoryu 😢

Stoked for the Hatsu basho, which starts today. Home-made score-card at the ready.

The collection grows. #zines

Just finished this month’s #zine. Comment below or drop me a message if you would like one.

Thrilled to discover that FringeReview have put me on a list: fringereview.co.uk/blogsandcolu...

How long until the sexy clowns get their own section in the Fringe programme?

Going to be doing some comedy at the Yellow Book in Brighton tonight. Pop down if you can, it’d he lovely to see you.

I hope JD Vance comes to the UK to campaign for Reform.

My books and zines can be obtained here: michaelbrunstrom.co.uk/books #books #zines

The first four issues of my zine are now available. #zines

Just finished my fourth zine: CLOWNS. I found this a tricky topic, but I love making these and I’m very pleased with the result. Next month: SALADS. #zine #clowns