But who am I kidding? If appealing to Reform voters didn't work the first half dozen times, might as well run headfirst into that wall again!

Now he's resigned he's Keir Starmed.

Lovely stuff, the line-up is out for @jamesrosscomedy.bsky.social's PBH Free Fringe Weekender in Southwark (www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Lon...), with e.g. #ACMS veterans @michaelbrunstrom.bsky.social, @jlukeroberts.bsky.social, @alexanderybennett.bsky.social, and @robinince.bsky.social, HOW NICE.

Waiter: You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me. So, what'll it be, sir? Customer: Can I hear the specials again?

This website has caused me to invent the word schadenfreudography: isaiprofitable.com

Anyone who missed the last show w/ Mark Thomas, Tasha Cluskey, Kathryn Mather, Alice India et al it's now out on Patreon! Rates start at a mere £1 per show and we only charge when a new live show video comes out, so do hop on it if you fancy: www.patreon.com/posts/quantu...

Tickets for next QL still very much available! All comp winners special with Edinburgh Comedy Award Best Newcomer nominee TOUSSAINT DOUGLASS, Cerys Bradley, Sasha Ellen, Aayush Rathi & more! Saturday 20/06/26 - www.ticketsource.com/quantum-leop...

We sold out for tonight three days ago but had a return of six tickets due to illness, so if you fancy seeing MARK THOMAS headline and a bunch of other cracking acts at a pay what you like price in a BYOB venue, now's your chance! www.ticketsource.com/quantum-leop...

New research shows that more people abandoned Labour because they were too tough on immigration - and because of their support for Israel - than because they were too soft on immigration.

I can never unrealise that when they're pictured together Streeting looks like Starmer's adult son from his failed first marriage

Proust Baking Company Recalls Thousands of Madeleines

Proportional representation is an excellent idea: 1) avoids splitting vote of UK's progressive majority 2) encourages coalition building & avoid elective dictatorship 3) I for one very keen on the idea that my proportions be represented, perhaps in charcoal sketch, or oils if that's more your medium

106 years ago today, on May 7th, an undergraduate at Christchurch College, Oxford, drank a glass of port then left through the main gates for a walk. I've been thinking about him, & his walk, for years now. It's taken a long time for me to figure out why - why I've kept returning, near obsessed.

Had a lovely chat with Blizzard ahead of their previews weekender in Manchester. Have a look, come to the shows! blizzardcomedy.co.uk/2026/05/06/j...

If I die and go to hell then I will also have to do this:

Every guy in a videogame:

Isn't all crime cosy crime if you've dressed appropriately for the weather?

Why is he called James Bond when he is entirely incapable of forming long term relationships?

Quantum Leopard podcast w/ @caitrionadowden.bsky.social is now out to the lovely public! A great chat about medieval nuns, miracles and vaginismus. Enjoy! quantumleopard.podbean.com/e/episode-42...

Quantum Leopard podcast w/ @caitrionadowden.bsky.social is now out to the lovely public! A great chat about medieval nuns, miracles and vaginismus. Enjoy! quantumleopard.podbean.com/e/episode-42...

Hello! 14 tickets left at time of writing for the May QL w/ MARK THOMAS, Tasha Cluskey, Kathryn Mather, Alice India and some lovely fives. Sat 16th May. Hop on it! www.ticketsource.com/quantum-leop...

Quantum Leopard podcast w/ Declan Kennedy is out now! quantumleopard.podbean.com/e/episode-41... A lovely chat about joke construction, Blake's 7 and the glory of Manchester. Enjoy!

In Korean, the word for cowboys, 속기 쉬운, translates literally to “American horse pirates” * read on for more of my all-time favourite translations from around the world (a thread)…

PIG AT A WEDDING is a one-page TTRPG where you must sneak a pig into a wedding and release it at the most traumatic possible moment. PDF, text-only version, and a largely unrelated dev diary here: www.patreon.com/posts/pig-at...

I hate it when I'm in an argument about new distillation devices and inevitably come up with the perfect retort a couple of days later

Tickets out for April show w/ Jordan Gray, Richard Todd, Alice India, Alex Prescot, meeee MCing and a bunch of lovely fives. This one WILL SELL OUT because it's JORDAN GRAY HEADLINING. Twenty tickets left at time of writing so if you're keen then HOP ON IT! www.ticketsource.com/quantum-leop...

I failed the introvert test. Come and see me on tour to hear jokes from a man who longer dresses like Shrek. mickperrin.com/tours/alasdair-beckett-king-king-of-crumbs

JUST 14 tickets left for the birthday show next Saturday! It's Saturday 21st March w/ THE CREATIVE MARTYRS, Sooz Kempner, Dru Cripps, Andy Barr & a lovely bunch of fives. Remember whoever brings the most people wins a free bottle of wine! www.ticketsource.co.uk/quantum-leop...

If you're doing a costume for World Book Day surely the only choice is Atlas

The media is trying to make me feel sorry for the kind of British people who visit Dubai by choice

Hey gurrrrrl are you a western military intervention in the Middle East because you also seem like an incredibly bad, permanently damaging idea that reminds me of my early twenties

40th episode of the Quantum Leopard podcast w/ Kate Cheka is now out! A great conversation about the class war, getting railed in a chapel, and why 40 year old cis men are the Oxbridge of dating. Enjoy! quantumleopard.podbean.com/e/episode-40...

TWO MINUTE FAVOUR! PLEASE vote for Quantum Leopard in the Chortle Awards, "Best live comedy format" - that's the one we won the last three years. The link is here. Thanks loads in advance! www.chortle.co.uk/news/2026/02...

Hey everyone, tickets now on general release for our 11TH BIRTHDAY SHOW W/ THE CREATIVE MARTYRS, Sooz Kempner, Dru Cripps, Andy Barr and some lovely fives! Saturday 21/03/26: www.ticketsource.co.uk/quantum-leop...

On train last night. An old woman was playing far right tiktok out loud on her phone. I politely warned her that her headphones appeared to have stopped working. She then mercifully stopped. Your mileage may vary. She's entitled to her own white noise, but not everyone else's.

Why do they call it a lamb and not a minibaa?

Did Comedy Club 4 Kids today with 20 mins of Guess Who which was an absolute delight. I closed my set with a one Vs ten thumb war because I genuinely couldn't tell that some smaller children were standing up

Hello lovers and fighters. QUANTUM LEOPARD IS NEXT SAT and has @robinince.bsky.social @rachcreeger.bsky.social Caitriona Dowden & Fred Barber. Just 10 tickets left at time of writing, which is some, but not loads and loads, so hop on it if you're keen: www.ticketsource.co.uk/quantum-leop...

Aren't all tattoos temporary tattoos if you acknowledge your own mortality?

People assume Scooby Doo is male but they actually go by rhey/rhem

Hello lovers and fighters. QUANTUM LEOPARD IS NEXT SAT and has @robinince.bsky.social @rachcreeger.bsky.social Caitriona Dowden & Fred Barber. Just 10 tickets left at time of writing, which is some, but not loads and loads, so hop on it if you're keen: www.ticketsource.co.uk/quantum-leop...

Chester! Join us at @storyhouselive.bsky.social on Wednesday 18th for #halfterm giggles with @runitalwar.bsky.social, @jamesrosscomedy.bsky.social and Danny Pensive! Comedy! Games! Light ridiculousness! 🎟️ www.storyhouse.com/whats-on/com...

Coooo! Tonight at XS, it's the return of delightful pigeon-fancier Toussaint Douglass! Not only that, but also @androjonny.bsky.social, @jamesrosscomedy.bsky.social, sketch duo The Mayor and His Daughter, and our own fancy pigeon @tobyhadoke.bsky.social www.wegottickets.com/xsmalarkey

Reminds me I came up with this solution to the problems of the new economic model in the arts back on Twitter

The latest episode of the Quantum Leopard podcast with ALEX FRANKLIN is out now if you fancy it, really interesting set and chat about trans identity and zoology: quantumleopard.podbean.com/e/episode-39...

On almost everything – fraud, polarisation, radicalisation, misinformation – evidence suggests that over 60s are in much more urgent need of online protection and education than teenagers. But that issue gets zero political attention, and is a total non-starter. Nothing good will come of it.

Maybe Keir Starmer *is* good policies. Like Clark Kent and Superman, have you ever seen Keir Starmer and a good policy in the same place at the same time?

It’s time to abolish tuition fees and cancel student debt. Education is a public good, not a commodity.

Contrary to popular belief, cows only have one stomach. They only have four stomachs if you offer them pudding