so, I’m working in the lab late one night, right

Trying to explain the works of Guillermo Del Toro to my 2 year old niece:

If we're playing this game, why doesn't Annie Wilkes talk more about The Overlook hotel, when she lives right by it? 🤡 Why doesn't the film Carrie have Teddy DuChamp from Stand By Me [The Body] in it? 🤡 Why does no-one in the Cars universe acknowledge the Stephen King short story Maximum Overdrive?

@vixleyton.bsky.social Figured you'd appreciate this...

At the

There's this woman doing an absolutely wild social experiment on TikTok. She calls random US churches with the sound of a baby crying in the background, explain the baby hasn't eaten in over 12 hours, and asks for 1 bottle of baby formula. She has a public spreadsheet of how each one responded. 1/3

Christmas is coming. A great van taught me that. If you have children to buy presents for, please consider these books I wrote. Both are fun, funny, fact-filled and great for both reluctant and enthusiastic readers. Become A Genius In A Year and There's No Such Thing As A Silly Question: buy them!

the vet wrote in one of our ferrets’ charts “patient was wiggly” and I keep thinking about how cute that is

Posting about yawning, confident that it will make people yawn themselves, cos all you need to do is read the word 'YAWN' and away you go, ridiculous business. Repost to make someone's mouth go big!

Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.

Reading a contract. Our acts are not permitted to give the audience any literature. Fine. "OR WRITTEN MATERIAL", they add, in case we were thinking of getting away with arguing eg the Mr Men books don't count as literary classics. Pah.

Fortunately, I already figured out the plots of the next several Toy Story films

On this week’s @comedyclub4kids.bsky.social Radio Nonsense podcast chair expert @lauralexx.bsky.social talks to me about pasta armour and grub gubs. Get your kids to listen at: pod.fo/e/3512ee Available in all places podcasts live: Apple Podcasts, spotify, amazon music and more.

It only just occurred to me that Richard Scarry doesn’t actually look like a lion wearing overalls.

Heaps of fun things coming up before Christmas, join us for classes at The Phoenix in London, and gigs at: ⭐ Tunbridge Wells, Trinity Theatre* ⭐ Brighton, Komedia ⭐ Worthing, Connaught Theatre ⭐ Finsbury Park, @parktheatrelondon.bsky.social* ⭐ Bedford, Quarry Theatre * with @howardread.bsky.social

this must've been so annoying before computers

We had a lovely time at @parktheatrelondon.bsky.social yesterday, and will have another lovely time there on Sunday December 14th, yes yes yes.

Monsters Inc meets Alien Vs Predator, love it

If you have mini people aged 4-7, there is a lovely new show out today on C5/Milkshake from today called Stan and Gran. It's full of gags and nature facts. Also I wrote some of it, and it's all expertly head written by @howardread.bsky.social. My first ep is out next Monday (its all about worms 🪱🪱🪱)

Loving today's news that the mysterious "fedora man" outside the Louvre heist was actually a 15-year-old museum visitor who dresses like a 1940s French detective all the time, just because. apnews.com/article/louv...

Finsbury Park! Families of London! Join us at our next @parktheatrelondon.bsky.social shows: November 9th: @robkemp.bsky.social, Mandeep Singh, @tommayhew.bsky.social, Helen Duff December 14th: Rachel Watkeys-Dowie, Dave Chawner, @howardread.bsky.social 🎟️ parktheatre.co.uk/events/comed...

Hey that is fun.

Watching 20 5 year olds try to put their shoes on independently is better than TV

Love how putting something in quote marks, even for reported speech, brings an air of sarcasm to proceedings. "Great job", guys. www.bbc.com/news/article...

Told the Zoom workshoppers about this ridiculous conversation in Sense & Sensibility - politely scrapping about which child is tallest, when only ONE is actually present! - and one of the kids told us about a 2.5 hour argument they overheard on a DofE camping trip, about how to spell 'ravioli'. 🏆

Poole! KIDS! Come see us at The Lighthouse on Saturday 8th, we have stand-up and clowning from @vanderlaugh.bsky.social, @annasoden.bsky.social and Darryl J. Carrington. High chance of mayhem! And all after an 11:30am family screening of E.T. - how NICE. 🎟️ www.lighthousepoole.co.uk/event/comedy...

Job well done, Julian Stratenschulte! Slam dunk! www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Hat-tip Kate Beaton, way back when, for introducing umpteen readers to Rosalind Franklin with this excellent comic: www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id...

This bird just boarded a train and tried to start a singsong. Everyone thought he was going to be sick but he was just doing a bit to entertain a fractious toddler up WAY past their bedtime, now the carriage is starting to think he's pretty sound. He has said "mad for it" approximately 47 times.

@smoothdunk2.bsky.social Pictured this happening with your illustrations, hooray hooray.

Sold out! Wahoo!

It's that time of year when Halloween decorations haven't all come down, and Christmas decorations are about to start going up. We're in...the Tim Burton Zone.

There is a particular way that children hug books they're excited about reading that could 100% lower your blood pressure if its running a little high. Very calming and reassuring to see

traffic

Very much enjoying the way Clark Terry's Trumpet Mouthpiece Blues youtu.be/UkOxvb_Zqv0?... starts off slinky, and then turns into a conversation between a sorrowful Sweep and Charlie Brown's teacher. Who is, presumably, explaining for the nine millionth time that "sausages" is not on the curriculum.

Tell you someone else who thinks the "transporting sensation" of dead leaves should be "driven as much as possible from the sight", hiyoooo.

Pondering a possible Shepley-centric version of Fallout where there are lions menacing the Train Hat guys. Some chasing. Some being chased. Some yelling "TAG YOU'RE IT", which is what most video games are missing, sadly. Hat-tip @robbotron.bsky.social for the underground knowledge, also.

"and he ate TWO black holes, but he was STILL hungry" www.newscientist.com/article/2502...

Finsbury Park! Families of London! Join us at our next @parktheatrelondon.bsky.social shows: November 9th: @robkemp.bsky.social, Mandeep Singh, @tommayhew.bsky.social, Helen Duff December 14th: Rachel Watkeys-Dowie, Dave Chawner, @howardread.bsky.social 🎟️ parktheatre.co.uk/events/comed...

Wouldn't it be something if settlements from AI companies ended up becoming something like a functional UBI for artists and authors

i can’t believe a good thing happened we should do this more often

On this week’s @comedyclub4kids.bsky.social Radio Nonsense podcast @drucripps.bsky.social joins me to talk about sinking ships and aquatic dinosaurs. Get your kids to listen at: pod.fo/e/34b661 Available all places podcasts live - Apple podcast, Spotify, Amazon music, and your local pod goblin.

Arsenal have got a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD, Max Dowman, on. He is the first ever person to play in the Champions League about whom you can say definitively he was never in a Woolworth's.

Heaps of fun things coming up before Christmas, join us for gigs at: ⭐ Poole, Lighthouse ⭐ Finsbury Park, @parktheatrelondon.bsky.social ⭐ Tunbridge Wells, Trinity Theatre (with @matricardo.bsky.social) ⭐ Brighton, Komedia ⭐ Worthing, Connaught Theatre And workshops in: ⭐ The Phoenix pub in London

Poole! KIDS! Come see us at The Lighthouse on Saturday 8th, we have stand-up and clowning from @vanderlaugh.bsky.social, @annasoden.bsky.social and Darryl J. Carrington. High chance of mayhem! And all after an 11:30am family screening of E.T. - how NICE. 🎟️ www.lighthousepoole.co.uk/event/comedy...

Reading a contract for a gig in 2026. Happy to agree not to get there three months early.

There’s a lyric video for a Paw Patrol song where the words are “we’ve got each others backs” but the words on screen say “we’ve got each others bags” which is what a panic-stricken person says to a stranger in an airport car park, and I have to be honest I prefer it

Fired after one day on the building site. My brick glue was ‘runny’ and ‘not called that’ and my wall icing ‘uneven’ and ‘not called that’.

One of the workshoppers yesterday was explaining his dream Hallowe'en costume would be a LIFE-SIZED Godzilla mech suit, with laser cannon eyes. He'd sit in the head, piloting, eating the candy people would generously-and-not-in-any-way-fearfully put into a hatch in one of the toes. A sweet life!