He's holding the sword wrong. And doing everything else in his shitty life wrong too, of course. But also, the sword.

Coincidentally, yesterday I finalised writing the most hilarious joke ever written. Far too dangerously funny to release to the public. It's definitely true though, and not just a way of begging for attention and money from the gullible.

Just out here confusing hipsters

I'm coming to the Cardiff Children's Literary Festival! I'll be bringing lots of tricks, bad jokes, and SHENANIGANS GALORE! Get your tickets at www.ticketsource.com/kidslitfest/... #cardiff #kidlit #childrensbooks #writer #tricks #magician #magic

Best star trek crew. Wrong answers only.

Chapter three of my selective memoir TEN GIGS is now up for subscribers. Busking saved my life. Here's how. matricardo.substack.com #busker #streetperformer #london #coventgarden #writer

This is the only thing I make online that I charge money for, because it's a lot of work. Still feels weird though. I've got the subscription set as low as it is possible to go. Really hope people like it.

Add food to a movie name Diet Coke Hard

Just published chapter three of my selective memoir TEN GIGS. This one is a love letter to the patch of cobblestones in the middle of London that made me, saved me, and gave me a life. matricardo.substack.com #memoir #busker #streetperformer #london #writer

This is the only thing I make online that I charge money for, because it's a lot of work. Still feels weird though. I've got the subscription set as low as it is possible to go. Really hope people like it.

Just published chapter three of my selective memoir TEN GIGS. This one is a love letter to the patch of cobblestones in the middle of London that made me, saved me, and gave me a life. matricardo.substack.com #memoir #busker #streetperformer #london #writer

Went to one of my favourite second hand bookshops today, because sometimes you need some escapist fun. Love that Johnny Alpha. He's my dude. #2000ad #strontiumdog #alanmoore #modestyblaise

I'm writing a thing about stealing something in Paris, and just used the phrase "Petit larceny" I AM A PROPER WRITER

NO. WAIT. NO. IT'S NOT A MINI EGG. MINI IS DESCRIPTIVE & MEANS SMALL. IT'S NOT SMALL. IT'S NOT THE WORLD'S LARGEST MINI EGG, IT'S JUST A LARGE EGG, AND NOT REALLY THAT LARGE. ALSO "THE SAME SIZE AS AN ADULT CHEETAH" IS VERY ALEX HORNE. IN CLOSING I HAVE HAD A COFFEE. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

“No book is genuinely free from political bias. The opinion that art should have nothing to do with politics is itself a political attitude.” - George Orwell

So, yes, the cat is out of the bag (rabbit out of the hat?) I am thrilled to be writing a regular column for the Magic Circle magazine. Not often you get asked to write for a 120 year old publication! I plan to cause a little good trouble every two months. #magician #magiccircle #columnist

Throwback to when I filmed on the NBC Universal backlot, and each of the golf carts we used was named after a cast member of The Office #theoffice #stevecarell #micharlscott #universalstudios

Of all the things I've made, I'm most proud of this book. I'd love you to get it for the young person in your life. Available in all your usual book buying places, both online and in the real world! #books #reading #kidsbooks #kidlit #magic

I am reading about Ezra Pound, and may have to start using one of his insults: CAT PISS AND PORCUPINES!

Well this put a huge smile on my face! Thanks to the mighty & wonderful John Hodgman & Jesse Thorn for the shout out on #judgejohnhodgman (and yes, the King Charles thing is totally true. That was an odd evening..) NOW GO BUY MY BOOK PLEASE AND THANK YOU www.instagram.com/reel/DWW8Vup...

Well this put a huge smile on my face! Thanks to the mighty & wonderful John Hodgman & Jesse Thorn for the shout out on #judgejohnhodgman (and yes, the King Charles thing is totally true. That was an odd evening..) NOW GO BUY MY BOOK PLEASE AND THANK YOU www.instagram.com/reel/DWW8Vup...

This week on IMAGINATION & JUNK, the transatlantic conversation about the hard work of creativity, me & @billbarol.bsky.social talk about the things we did when we were young and foolish, and how we feel about them... Get it where you get podcasts, or at www.imaginationandjunk.com/posts/episod...

This week on IMAGINATION & JUNK, the transatlantic conversation about the hard work of creativity, me & @billbarol.bsky.social talk about the things we did when we were young and foolish, and how we feel about them... Get it where you get podcasts, or at www.imaginationandjunk.com/posts/episod...

In Episode 27 of Imagination & Junk, the transatlantic conversation about creativity I host with @matricardo.bsky.social: How to think about the work we did when we were younger. (Now with 40% more shame and regret!) #podcast apple.co/4rYfCnR

New episode of IMAGINATION & JUNK - the transatlantic podcast about the hard work of creativity, later today Make sure you're subscribed or..I got nothing..but please? #creativity #podcast #artist #funny www.imaginationandjunk.com

If you didn't see this before, here's me reading the introduction chapter of my book THE MAGIC IN YOU.. @faberbooks.bsky.social @faberchildrens.bsky.social #books #reading #kidsbooks www.youtube.com/watch?v=p81i...

My safe space: leaning on my table delivering sarcasm in a burlesque club. The gilded merkin in Leeds last night was ridiculously joyful. This is why we do it. If you were there I can only wish it nourished your soul as much as it did mine.

I mean, well done to Saxon for being as much of a cunt as his dad I guess?

Hell yes. Absolutely this. If there's one thing age is teaching me, maybe it's this.

Just in case you're wondering how things are going in professional showbusiness - yesterday I stunt doubled for a dog

There is a man in this coffee shop blahing on in a loud confident voice about how everyone should be using AI. So, y'know, when you see me dragged away in handcuffs on the news later, you'll know why.

I mean I know it's stating the obvious low hanging fruit, but these tediously evil motherfuckers are the oddest looking twunts I've ever seen. Genuinely had to Google if that guys head really looks like that and it does. It's like if the garbage Pail kids were temu Nazis.

If anyone wants to buy me a cherry red MSX hitbit, I won't stop you, I?

Off to do some behind the camera work today dressed like a young BBC foreign correspondent who still thinks he can make war reporting poetic

Blimey. I post something fairly innocuous about a thing Bernie Sanders said, and the internet is really keen to share its oblique opinions, huh. Just buy my book and then block me, or something lol

Bernie Sanders suggesting they filibuster by reading out the complete Epstein files is some next level agent of chaotic good shit

LEEDS! Saturday night! KILLER line-up of burlesque, circus and comedy Get there! Tix & info: the-gilded-merkin.designmynight.com/691c97d15824...

LEEDS! Saturday night! KILLER line-up of burlesque, circus and comedy Get there! Tix & info: the-gilded-merkin.designmynight.com/691c97d15824...

Made a thing about one of the ways I'm feeling www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDy2...

Made a thing about one of the ways I'm feeling www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDy2...

Yup.

Just for the record: yes, I have a full set.

Imagination & Junk, the podcast about creativity I write and present with @billbarol.bsky.social is back for season 4. And we're talking about TALENT. Who has it? What is it? Is it even a real thing? Get it where you get your podcasts, and subscribe/share etc if you like it!

Went to #transmission last night. Fantastic show, for a great reason. But Rahim Redcar. Holy fucking shit. Astonishing, in every metric.

Imagination & Junk, the transatlantic conversation about creativity I host with @matricardo.bsky.social, is back for Season 4. This week we're talking about the myth of talent. Among other things. Listen, share, subscribe, okay? podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i... #podcasts

WE ARE SO BACK! Imagination & Junk - the transatlantic podcast about the hard work of #creativity is back for season 4! Get it at your favourite #podcast boutique

Fantastic

Getting that spotlight tan, during the short time when I know what I'm doing. Lovely Sunday night mullarkey at the theatre Royal Windsor. Back to being a writer for a few days now.

"No pressure, just be funnier than anything this town has ever seen.."