BREAKING: Peter Mandelson expresses remorse and vows to atone for past lies, by walking the Salt Path.

McSweeney: I am become Cummings, destroyer of worlds

Given the illiteracy of his emails, how could Epstein have been effective as a financier? I imagine him instructing his broker, say, to "Buy XYZ stocks" and typing it "buuye xyy;za , sotkos".

Please can we add to this calling what those lunatics did as organised rape networks, child kidnapping, child rape, child kidnapping Rather than… the salacious but jubilant euphemism “Sex parties” for goodness sake, or the unforgivable phrase “underage women”

@profanity.accountant How am I doing?

“No,” Arthur said, “look, it’s very, very simple…. All I want… is a cup of tea. You are going to make one for me. Now keep quiet and listen."

every epstein commentary is these immensely rich/powerful/influential people raving about what a genius epstein was, and every one of his emails is just “helo, my name jomfrie”

This photo just came up in my memories. I made an auxiliary lap from an old pair of jeans for when my real lap was unavailable, and it actually worked 😀

“I shot the archduke, but I did not shoot the assistant archduke“ - Serbian Bob Marley tribute band.

Just gave ChatGPT a writing deadline and now it’s cleaning the house

friend of mine is an undocumented immigrant and has been hiding in Melania theaters bc he knows people assume no one is in there

We've just finished rewatching So I Married an Axe Murderer. Such a lovely film.

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Ugh, BlueSky is now showing 'What's up?' at top of timeline. Horribly folksy. No one says that in the UK anyway!

Downfall Bovino Edition. You're welcome.

was privileged enough to go to an advanced screening, and don't believe what the critics are saying - MELANIA is a triumph. Yes the dance numbers lag a bit, and the Trump birthday sex scene is a smidge long, but the bit in the airlock where the Melania bursts out of Zachary Levi's stomach? Inspired.

*It's interesting to see these spontaneous science-fiction dystopias in tweet form

Rest in Peace Alex Jeffrey Pretti🙏🏾 The VA ICU Nurses send him off right 💔

You often hear racists say ‘some of my best friends are black people. You never hear black people say ‘some of my best friends are racists.’ Somebody has to be lying.

As the BBC announces a live stage show of The Traitors we would like to announce a live stage show of Gogglebox in the theatre next door where they watch the live stage show of The Traitors

OK so in 1992 a girl I know went with her brother to Lepre-con and she was one of the only girls there. The shy nerdy boys acted like she was the goddess Aphrodite and it did wonders for her self-confidence. Then one boy approached her with a figurine and said "I have painted you an orc".

there’s something about the “watch the video and decide for yourself what it shows” argument that unsettles me, and i think it’s partly because if all journalists are going to do is gather phone video off social media and show it to us, then… what do we need journalists for?

A video of Alex Pretti reading out the final salute of an unnamed veteran he cared for until the end of his life in the ICU, posted to Facebook by his son.

Don't worry, Blueskiers. Usha Vance is fine. She's got the best healthcare in the world. And, while the world awaits breathlessly for the birth of another sofa cushion, her husband, jacked up on fatherly love, is doing everything he can to take our healthcare away.

CONGRATULATIONS TO JDICK VANCE AND USHA VANCE FOR THEIR FUTURE BABY SOFA.

So many people see that picture of Erika Kirk and Vance hugging in a very familiar way and assume that he will leave Usha for her. We should couch that discussion as we haven't seen any other proof sofa. I mean so far.

Perfect. No notes.

This really does capture something about everyday life in the UK. For years, I thought the rush was related to work, but that's only part of it. There is a continual maddening urgency and stress that reminds me of what is was like to grow up in a certain way in the US. The floor falling away....

NATO did not "stay a little back, off the front lines." Danish, British and Estonian troops served in Helmand, and Canadian forces in Kandahar - the two most dangerous Afghan provinces. Denmark, UK, Estonia & Canada suffered amongst the highest per‑capita soldier death rates when defending the US.

Guys, guys, I've got an idea. If Trump is mixing up Greenland with Iceland (the island) then why don't we just make a big deal of giving him Iceland (the frozen food supermarket chain) and tell him that he's won?

was briefly so excited reading this until I realised he meant Davos

Ugh, Lloyds bank sending an email about life insurance just after a birthday. Not exactly the cheery happy birthday message I would have wanted from a bank I've been with for decades.

The Nobel committee should create a prize for people who've never won a prize and give it to Trump. He would then have to give it back, because he's now got a prize, thereby making him eligible for the prize once more. It could go on endlessly, and distract his tiny mind from more harmful thoughts.

The UK has declined a new Elbit Systems contract, leading Palestine Action prisoners to end the hunger strike that had three of them on the brink of death. The Tesco worker suspended for refusing to handle Israeli goods has been reinstated and will no longer have to handle them. We can and will win

View from Portugal @publico.pt: “Europeus querem reforço da defesa perante divórcio atlântico.“ “Europeans want to strengthen [the continent’s] defences in the face of the Atlantic divorce.” Just let “Atlantic divorce” sit for a bit. It’s not a trial separation or a bumpy patch.

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wake up, brits, this is not a drill...

Nicolas Cage walks into a bar with John Travolta. The barman says “hey - why the wrong face?”

we’re in the vet’s office waiting room and they just called for Agamemnon. we all looked at the Great Dane but it turns out Agamemnon is an orange kitten in a backpack that makes him look like an astronaut cheese puff

Preparing for new Bluesky users

Husband just asked Grok to do a photo of me fully clothed and wearing a mask. WTF?

JD Vance Claims Renée Good Had No Authority To Be Alive In First Place

An American has just dissed our food. An American. First Venezuela, and now this.

Surgically remove all the joy from your existence and you could cut the time it takes to save for a deposit on a home from three lifetimes to just over two.

Sorry, 'Twitter'? God where have you been? It's called 'NUC' now. Why? Because 'Nazis Undressing Children' is just too long-winded.

Hurray! Blood oranges have arrived. 🍊🩸

To all those saying "but if our government spoke out, there might be consequences", please remember that not speaking out also has consequences. The history of appeasement is not a reassuring one.