We have just had Toad* in the Hole for lunch. IN JUNE. T'aint right, t'aint fair, t'aint fit, t'aint proper. * Autocorrect wanted me to change this to 'a toad' as it thought that was more likely.

Still thinking about the hall visitor, a well spoken and apparently educated woman, who looked at me like I was mad when I explained to her small son why there are no potatoes among the feast laid out in the Great Hall (circa 1483). "America? But I thought potatoes came from Ireland."

Important PSA: BBC iPlayer currently has EVERY EPISODE of Schitt's Creek.

Thanks to the marvels of the internet and video calls, we will be attending our grandson's birthday party 4,000 miles away later today. On the downside, this does mean we have to dress up as pirates. Arrrrrr. (Seasalt stripy top to the rescue).

This is the dream had by the person who had to stay up till midnight to do the school swimming gala's risk assessment because it had been forgotten.

One of the many amazing things about the way we instantly and unconsciously process language is that if you used any of the crossed-out words on this list (in context) the listener or reader would understand it, no matter how much autocorrect and your English teacher might object.

I can't say I'm a fan of booking dot com's new (?) thing of showing the prices of UK hotels without VAT so the amount that turns up on your confirmation email is 20% more than you expected. *cancels booking*

This - so many far more deserving candidates for a visit...

I was becoming uncomfortably aware that the photos on the 'about me' page on my website were 8 and 10 years old 😳. I have replaced them with one taken recently, in which I look considerably older and more bedraggled, and updated some of the blurb.

As it's been a few years now I'm assuming the Jane Duke in Virginia finally worked out why she kept missing so many house viewings and PTA meetings. Unless of course she never did get her new broadband account set up because she repeatedly failed to verify her email.

I’ve written about dealing with disappointment in the kitchen for my column in this week’s @ftweekend.com column. There’s a paywall, but here’s a gift link for the first 300 people who click on it! as.ft.com/r/3e8b25dd-d...

Nigel Farage expressing concern about what will happen "...if we get large numbers of young white males who think the police are prejudiced against them".

Me getting ready for the new branch of Toppings to open in York this week.

Gosh that's gonna take years, surely

"...the Bank may not necessarily choose the four animals that receive the highest number of responses." I see lessons have been learnt from Boaty McBoatface. *looks at British public*

I've been having a video call with grandson who is two today, and currently having a birthday treat breakfast in a pancake house (time zones you see). He held out one of those little milk pots to me to open it for him and my heart is now in pieces.

Just had an email from British Gas offering me a quote for installing air con. Climate change is real.

TV advert has disclaimer at bottom of screen saying it has been made with 'AI production tools'. Thank you for letting me know not to buy your product.

Oh, no reason.

Wondering whether to remove the semi-colon from the first text to a new friend. Decide to leave it in. It's best they know from the outset...

me: changes the light fixtures in my house to energy efficient LED lightbulbs Jeff Bezos:

A rare exception to the rule 'Any headline with a question mark can be answered with "No"'.

At the Yorkshire Arboretum today. Cheery elderly woman whizzing past on mobility scooter: Hello! A few seconds later, hot and bothered middle aged woman running: She keeps forgetting about me!

WTF does this mean?? (Unhelpful sign by a tree in the Castle Howard Arboretum - formerly known as the Yorkshire Arboretum).

I have sprayed myself with insect repellent and it smells of holiday. I feel I should go and wait outside for a minibus to take me to see some elephants/amphitheatres/Mayan temples. (Delete according to country).

Without downloading any new pics to your gallery, throw your phone into a lake.

Me watching Interior Design Masters on catch up: When did bedsits become studio apartments? Husband: When they realised they could charge more with a different name. Tru dat.

FIRST SWIFT SPOTTED! (First here in York that is. Saw LOADS in France and a gazillion swallows but they don't count).

Usually when I write a 'Dapple Scrumping' post I schedule it for the next day then keep going back and fiddling with it. Today instead of doing that I hit 'send to everyone now' so I couldn't change my mind and delete the whole thing 😬

Ah I see Google has revamped its newsfeed on Android phones. You can now only either ♥️ or share a story; you can no longer select 'don't ever show me crap from this particular publication/site again'.

Whenever I think “Don’t make me tap the sign”, this is the sign I’m thinking of

Well AccuWeather - not looking so accu now, are we?

Our cat has come back from two weeks in the cattery with a completely different accent.

Going to start muting anyone who posts reminders to wear sunscreen. WE KNOW. This is about as necessary as telling us that smoking is bad for you.

Watch this video (from our French holiday) and when you see white splashes on the water those are SWIFTS 😍. Yes I know they're hard to see and yes I also accept this is reminiscent of Michael Bentine's Potty Time. You'll just have to take my word for it.

We've got a bees nest in one of our swift boxes again. Since installing them several years ago our boxes have been inhabited by great tits and bees (not at the same time) but never a swift. Oh well, at least someone's using them. *sigh*

I haven't heard a cuckoo for YEARS but there was one at the French campsite we've been staying at and he cuckooed non-stop from 6am to 9pm every day. In other news, I now know how long it takes to go from "Oh there's a cuckoo 😍" to "That sodding cuckoo...". (Roughly two and a half days).

Fashion designer Jeremy Scott delivers commencement speech to Kansas City Art Institute graduates. Wait for it…

What's that? Well funny you should ask because yes I *have* had a piece selected for this year's Ironbridge Printmaking Competition and I *am* quite chuffed, thank you.

Back from two weeks in France where I discovered yet another Brexit Benefit - being allowed to pay an extra €10 admission to a visitor attraction (that's nearly 50% more) above that paid by residents of the EEA. And everyone cheered.

The excellent article posted every year by @trishgreenhalgh.bsky.social, which has resulted in lives being saved, has been put behind a paywall. Fortunately a free version has been found. Do read it.

I have learnt, through visiting a zoo on a very hot day, that rhinos are quite happy to immerse themselves in water. You might need to know this if ever you are being chased by a rhino and think you can get away by jumping in a river. You're welcome.

Golgafrincham Ark Fleet, Ship B, preparing for take-off.

Shan't.

NHS sends a link to complete a questionnaire to review my HRT. First question: what are the names of my HRT drugs? (Resist temptation to type "How do you not know this?"). After a LOAD more questions I am asked for my current blood pressure reading. How the fuck should I know?? Probably high now...

No I don't think it's a coincidence that Nigella posted this today, albeit with no reference to cooking it on your lap or using a Stanley knife. (This by the way is the recipe I have used for DECADES since buying 'How to Eat', which is how I once managed to set fire to it, because vermouth).

The most expensive print currently on my website is £140. Mind you it's not framed, and I'm not dead, so those two factors will account for the difference.

"Hello beautiful lady how are you doing today?"

I am delighted to say that, although I know there's a food discourse going on because I've seen people complaining about it, none of it has appeared on my screen. I attribute this to the careful curation* of my feed. *a fancy way of saying I'm quite antisocial and don't follow that many people 😳