Me: That's a nice lipstick. Chanel: It's £145. Me: 😶

Love Actually when it first came out and all the reviews were positive so there was No Warning. We had to walk home because we were too angry to get on a train.

while you were studying the blade, I was also studying the blade. we have the same blade exam and I want to do well.

Hey, you. Happy year of the horse to you 🐴

However annoying you think this article may be, it is more annoying than that. Really, really infuriating.

Psst soon it will be Drive to Survive s8 and you have time to binge watch s1-7 if you are DISCIPLINED and/or UNHINGED.

These decisions ultimately structure your writing voice: how you decide what to do with the initial fragments of your work matters in the final outcome that is your work. When you distance yourself from that process, as difficult and time consuming as it is, you also distance yourself from the work.

I have spent a long time thinking about this and it would have to be:a Velasquez but EITHER the supper at Emmaus which I find very moving OR this portrait and I would never be lonely again.

OMG elope! Romantic and you can avoid the worst people in the world who unaccountably share your genes.

He consulted the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He looked up "guidance" and it said "See under ADVICE". He looked up "advice" and it said "see under GUIDANCE". It had been doing a lot of that kind of stuff recently and he wondered if it was all it was cracked up to be.

Folks, please be aware that a lot of authors are being targeted with fake spam approaches. Neither of these are me or my agent, and we don't typically cold-email contacts without an introduction. Please be careful!

i often think about this review

It’s so funny to think about the fact that there’s people out there deferring every life decision to this

This piece is so much better than the pull-quote. It’s a beautiful profile of a fascinating brave strong woman and I urge you to read it.

AI proponents: Claude is self aware it has feelings. Me: Fuck you. It's a speak and spell! Jim Henson: Kermit was originally made of my mother's coat. His eyes are made out of... Me: Don't talk about Kermit like he's not there, Jim. You've worked together too long for that.

Ran to the Tate this morning to catch the Lee Miller exhibition in its last days. So good - intimate and insightful and intensely creative.

I’m so sorry about James van der Beek. Such a nineties icon and so gracious about it. And 48 is a very early point to leave the stage. Thinking of his family and friends.

Waiting patiently for my Tour de France French documentary series on Netflix only to discover they aren’t making any more. Scenery! Men in hatchbacks screaming, ‘COME ON’ at tortured cyclists. Deep resentments! Le stage d’enfer! Crap hotels! Team talks! Incomprehensible strategy! I am bereft.

I am enjoying* having stalked off in a huff after being kind of insulted, actually, at the check-in for my flight, watching people board the plane I should have just paid to get on, instead of waiting A HUNDRED YEARS with bad wifi for my actual flight. *not enjoying

Your day will be like... fawns, who've run their hearts out and now stand dazed and tired. Iliad 4.243-6

This was outstanding: if you get the chance to go to @booksupstairs.bsky.social for @rickoshea.bsky.social 's brilliant (but intermittent because he's busy) Writehawks event, take it! Lovely to be on with the fabulous @daveruddenwrites.bsky.social and brilliant @sweetoblivion.bsky.social

Death Camp For Cutie over here

I have committed to cooking properly this year. Son 2 looked up from his plate tonight (vegetarian moussaka, made from scratch) and said: ‘I think we’re ready for fish and chips again.’

Oh no I’m not okay.

This is one of my favorite optical illusions, because even when you know specifically HOW IT WORKS, it's still hard to make your brain believe it. The image below is real-world video, but you're being tricked into believing it's an elaborate miniature by the DIORAMA EFFECT. Let's talk about it.

Loved @stockportnoir.bsky.social so much - next year will be even bigger. A truly great day out and I got to hang out with Michael Wood, @alicefeeney.com and @ellygriffiths.bsky.social on stage.

On Google Play books too

The whole series is discounted *for today only* so pass it on, tell a friend, stock your kindle etc etc but before midnight…

I’ve accidentally bought a dystopian novel and 🙄💤

There has been an inchident at the groomers.

The absolute queen.

Muted in an array of greys and browns, Edward Seago's picture (1952) was painted from the north bank of the River Thames in London, on the mud flats of Chelsea Reach looking towards Lots Road Power Station, Fulham Power station is on the left.

🥰

I don’t want to do anything that’s left on my to-do list.

I hadn't been aware that kitten heels were making a comeback. Take it from one who wore them last time: they generally give everyone a suspicion of cankles and they're surprisingly uncomfortable.

An enthusiastic discussion of a celebrity's crime novel on Facebook, highly recommended, lots of enthusiasm from people planning to buy it immediately. 'I hope [x] writes another!' The urge to reply, 'well, [x] didn't write this one, so...'

There was a no-biscuits-no-chair meeting about this near miss.

I've done so much work today simply because I was avoiding the ironing.

ME: so is lizard short for elizabethard or elizardbeth ZOOKEEPER: no flirting with the lizard sir

We are back from the dog walk and he is sad even though he’s had half of my lunch (why is he fat? Is it the brie?)

The privilege of being a writer: getting Hooked by Asako Yusuki in this stunning proof. It’s out in March.

Someone said to me, "I'm sorry but I got your book from a library." Nobody should ever apologise for that. You read my book! That's brilliant! I grew up hanging out in libraries and the idea of a world without them fills me with dread. Without libraries, authors, like readers, will only suffer.

People didn't think Brooklyn Beckham had a useful function in the world but look how much he has improved today for all of us.

What they really want to do is direct.

I feel like someone needs to mansplain mansplaining to James Jeffrey.

My UK PLR statement has arrived. Always a pleasure to see the record of loans and imagine people who could read anything at all deciding to read your books. Thank you, librarians and staff!

People have started using AI to write Facebook posts and it’s such an unholy cocktail of bad opinions portentously expressed.

Delighted to see these little guys today on the dog walk (and they were NOT trampled by either the fat spaniel or the shortsighted writer).

John Boorman is 93. This anecdote about him & Lee Marvin has quite the punchline.