Poste restante

I regret to inform you that airport Pistachio Corners are now a thing, peddling this godforsaken chocolate-style fashion item in a range of guises.

The charity vid has always been my favourite thing on the internet, nothing else comes close.

Leaving the tree up until Bowie's birthday is the new Twelfth Night.

Hello. Person who used to write reports on torture and extrajudicial killings for a living here. You absolutely don't have to post or watch that video; it will not do you any good.

I have a wooden chalice with accompanying lime-smoosher for making caipirinhas. It smells like Brazil and I will never let it go.

– So how come none of you has central heating? – Nah, never really gets cold in Barcelona.

(living an unexamined life) yaaaaaay haha yay wheeeeee

Saw the new Jarmusch. It was OK. Tom Waits is a solid-gold treasure. #filmreviews

guessing a football thing has happened because the TL has gone full curtains for zooshka

This might be the first time I've been ahead of the curve in anything ever. What a feeling! *Irene Cara twizzle*

Always surprised by how many spies, undercover types and other people in peril are discovered when their phone rings. I feel like silent mode is something that would be covered in basic training.

How bad is it to leave the tree up in January? Is that hoarder territory? I'm not quite ready to be without its twinkly presence.

I am not an economist but would it not be cheaper to buy a ton of solar panels than bomb the shit out of places with oil? Has anyone done the sums on this?

You're probably baffled by the plague of nasty Dubai chocolate everywhere, but I am here to tell you that I finally got hold of some of the good stuff; the £££, uncut, my-friend-smuggled-this-out-of-Dubai stuff. 
 It was nasty.

Things you do not expect to hear when wishing an old pal HNY and inviting him to stay in 2026: 'I was struck by lightning and can't really see at the moment.' I assumed this was a joke. It was not a joke. I'M SORRY WHAT

Pleased to report that NYE was considerably more fun than Christmas, but my flat is now 80% washing up. You kids enjoy 2026; I'm going back to bed.

And you can once again buy clothes that don't have sequins or gold zips on them.

Little tip for those of you with friends living outside the UK – this is the sort of message we live for. Relatedly, they've done away with the liquid limits in several UK airports.

Watching Four Weddings and becoming increasingly furious because KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS IS RIGHT THERE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

Could they not keep *some* of the Lords? Alf Dubs, Floella Benjamin, er… possibly one other I have forgotten

My ditsy friend asking what I did after lunch. 'Watched Die Hard' 'Yabba-dabba-doo!!' 'Um, no the other Die Hard'

Don't know if this is out in the UK but worth seeing if you can. Everyone in it is so good.

Well that turned into an absolute stinker. I tell you this in case anyone else had a terrible Christmas and thinks they're alone. No! Sometimes they're just awful!

Since I remain the only person awake I suppose there's nothing to stop me putting on the Low album and having a buck's fizz sharpener

This was given to me and I was mildly sceptical – why would I, a 200-year-old woman of outmoded tastes, read a book about video-gamers? – but I feel slightly bereft now it’s finished. Was rooting for every character in it.

Me, last night: "One succulent cocktail with a teensy cava chaser, what harm can it do?" Me, today, very much finding out.

MERRY CHRISTMAS THOM YORKE

Whenever a music person dies, I ask my aunt (who was the cook at a big recording studio for years) how many thumbs up, from one to five. She says: Chris Rea 👍👍👍👍👍 Chris Rea's wife 👍👍👍👍👍 Chris Rea's baby 👍👍👍👍👍

It seems to me OK if you are inviting them to something (I invited my friend to lunch since her kids are with her ex this year, and she said 'thanks, can I think about it', ie 'god no, I'm going to be watching the Bourne films in my pants') but otherwise mind your goddamn business.

I hadn't seen this. It's very good.

The period between 11pm (the earliest you can reasonably pretend to be asleep) and 2am (the point of no return for next-day functioning) is truly the most precious time to be alive.

how the fuck do the Flintstones know about Christmas

My friends invited me to dinner but they've got new kittens so I live there now. Absolute scamps.

starting to feel like the only person on earth who has not been to a party with Jeffrey Epstein

I do not care for your achievements and wins, give me your pettiest acts of 2025. I refused to watch a TV show everyone said was great because the writer unfollowed me on here.

Some people would take this wheelbarrow of Moo Dengs and gardening tools as proof we have strayed further from God's light, but I'm tempted, ngl

Missing the Twitter experience? Try the Discover feed, an incredible mix of absolute bangers from people you follow (three likes) and posts from randos about the breathtakingly mundane (937 likes).

You OK babe you've hardly touched 🎄Christmas edition 🎄

Omfg. @derbren.bsky.social and @rsmythfreelance.bsky.social have teamed up with the baby Jesus to bring light to the darkest days. The little smashers.

Watching the Mitfords thing and curious to know if people really said "Do you want to come with?", "I was sat next to him" and "I've always fancied her" in the 1930s. They all sound wrong but I expect someone will be along soon to tell me Shakespeare said all of these things.

every 2 years the Guardian publishes an article about some Scandinavian concept called "Pÿegu" and its like "sitting in a comfortable chair with a warm drink is enjoyable"

In Manchester for first time since the Glass Spider Tour. It is still raining.

I can't work out if the back view of this was deliberate or a very funny oversight

Renewing car insurance be like "£215 for 12 months. Unless anything has changed in your life?" "Not really. Got a new cardy." "Revised quote is £632. How would you like to pay?"

everyone is 12 now

Found my origin story in the loft. Dressed and beribboned by bluebirds earlier that morning.

We seem to have arrived at a point where I am genuinely hurt if I say something hilarious in a group chat and it doesn't get a smattering of laugh-cry emojis, but I would rather die than use one myself. AITA, i wonder.

Ha ha ha, I just tried this and it would let me book the same room from BCN, NYC, Milan but every time I tried to book it from Britain it said 'yeah no we're full sorry'.

techbros: we have created AGI cognitive scientists: you fucked up a perfectly good spreadsheet is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety