I don't have much to offer this world, god knows, but by Christ I can crack an egg one-handed.

Junior Parkrun. WHHHHOOOOSH.

Without naming your job, tell me something you say over and over again at work. “It's not going to be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three - but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten.”

Anyone know of anyone who repairs domestic espresso machines in Leeds/Bradford, please? Help, my entire online identity rests on this.

hugh laurie: well well here we are again jonathan, dingly dong the night manager: you will never understand love

talent is a gatekeeping mechanism *hits bossa nova button on casino keyboard* how you like that fuckos

Today: farm fascism and the Klan, Nazi forestry, biofuels under Mussolini, dominion theology, colonialist botany. 👍

stop me if you've heard this one before

Just a slob like one of us

As we're all enjoying the milkshake-ducking of Nature Writing, I thought I'd pull together some of my writing on the subject from over the last few years. Can you believe I've been on this bullshit since 2015? Anyway, if you'd like, have a read. richarddsmyth.com/tag/nature-w...

I'm launching a new podcast tomorrow and I'm really excited about it. Go and follow/subscribe and get the first one delivered straight to you when it's out.

You don’t look too fucking sorry

The Whale Pod debuts tomorrow

This seems like more of an obvious fight to have than getting worked up over social media.

Morning.

Cup of tea, Vaughan Williams, book about Joseph Banks, dark chocolate digestives. 👍

Finally got round to hanging some favourite art.

“Alan Levinovitz shows us how the worship of an abstract idea of nature can lead us astray in everything from our health to the laws we pass and even how we structure our governments and our way of life. This book is required” - Tom Nichols www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/621092...

GET YOUR BESPOKE CROSSWORDS HERE. Do you know someone who'd love a themed crossword puzzle as a birthday or anniversary present? You almost certainly do (in this country you're never more than 10 feet away from a #crossword geek). People seem to like 'em. richarddsmyth.com/custom-cross...

If you don't feel comfortable sending money overseas, you can PayPal me and I'll make sure it gets there. You'd be amazed how much good a fiver can do in Uganda today.

You are driving on a 3-lane motorway. You overtake a driver in the middle lane at the exact moment they overtake a driver in the inside lane. There is one thing in the world that still works properly. You touch the brim of your cap in quiet salute. The Dambusters March plays.

If you don't feel comfortable sending money overseas, you can PayPal me and I'll make sure it gets there. You'd be amazed how much good a fiver can do in Uganda today.

This is one of those times when I look at what these guys have, and then at what I have, and then at how much fucking money there is in the world, and I just don't fucking know what we're doing here.

Friends, we're kindly requesting donations to help us bury,Kakundese Brian in our school garden as he had no home other than our poor Kasese Youth Humanists Foundation School. Thanks to everyone who has so far given condolences to us.We still welcome more such that we can get his body from mortuary.

Sad news from a Humanist friend in Uganda. The orphans' school now faces medical bills and funeral costs. Drop Rodney a line if you can help. A little goes a long way.

So thrilled and happy to share this. My next novel, #TheDark coming from @manillapress.bsky.social in October. Huge thanks to the brilliant @sophiemorme.bsky.social and @juliasreading.bsky.social who put up with all my nonsense.

You heard. Five thousand. Ha ha ha. BUT. If 1 in 3 of my Bluesky followers promised (not even 'coughed up' but 'pledged to cough up') to risk the equivalent of TWO LONDON PINTS, we'd be on! And let me know if you do, I can't see a list of backers on the site. HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I LOVE YOU?

I wonder if little-known butchers wander sadly from one supermarket to another wondering why none of them stock their sausages.

Which is the most unsettling UK roadsign? Is it: - Oncoming Vehicles In Middle Of Road - Weak Bridge - look out, aeroplanes! - RANDOM BOULDERS

Hello. This is The Whale Pod: a podcast where a Welshman and a Geordie read Herman Melville's leviathanic 1851 opus 'Moby-Dick' and try to work out what it's all about. Featuring capitalism, empire, race, gender, sex, God, money, fascism, violence, obsession, America, and absolutely loads of whales

2026: Wet, wet, rain with wind.

The conspiracy of the ruling classes has almost always been one of broad tolerance and studied obliviousness within a shared understanding of mutual interest, they have always had the most meaningful class consciousness, it does not require actual conspiring it's just how one acts

Things I learned from driving my father-in-law around: (1) there used to be eider ducks nesting on north Tyneside, until squaddies used them for target practice during WW2.

I feel like one of the biggest comprehension gaps at the moment is between those of us who think that big companies fuck everything up and are just basically a Bad Thing (because our only dealings with them are as "customers") and...

1903: Don't build a fire station! It will arouse desire for a library.

It's shaking out the same in basically every industry. The people who, broadly speaking, do not have to _do_ anything find it saves them time in doing nothing...

Hello, I have a new book out in the spring with Picador and I would love it if you could help me spread the word. IF WE TOLERATE THIS draws on years of work, to help readers understand why British politics is hurtling rightwards and what to do about it. Pre-orders: uk.bookshop.org/p/books/if-w...

Here's the cover I designed and illustrated for my pal @pgwodelouse.bsky.social's upcoming collection of ghostly, weird and folk horror stories. Rory's writing is often about the uncomfortable tensions between class and wealth, in recognisably realistic rural settings. I'm looking forward to it.

This is what I'm working on next: fascism and the environment. Hoping to finish it before the world burns and/or the fascists take charge. Fingers crossed. Do ask me about it, if you're curious. www.thebookseller.com/rights/manch...

Send In The Clowns on the radio. The world conspiring to break me.

And reused by Tom Stoppard in The Invention Of Love: he has AE Housman say it about the word "homosexual".

What's got two thumbs and hasn't been for a run since September? THIS PRICK. 👍👍

BIT FUCKING BLEAK

looking at headlice through a hand lens

God forbid women have hobbes

It's like a big bowl of diarrhea trying to sell you on the merits of raw chicken nuggets.

There's a wake on in the pub, and nobody needs a dude quietly reading about Mussolini at their wake, so... HOME PUB.

Kind of love the little yearly ritual that always must begin with me telling HMRC that I am still not blind.