If you let your grandchildren call you Nanna and Gramps, then it's obvious one of your children has married into the lower classes. Granny and Grandad for lower middle class; Grandma and Grandpa for the upper middle class and above.

Surely I’m not the only one who thinks this whenever they see a map of The Strait Of Hormuz on the news?

What people don’t realise about the flumps, wombles and those guys in chorlton and the wheelies is they were immortal. They couldn’t die. That’s why their weird humdrum existences seem so strange to us. That’s what you do when you have eternal life, focus on interpersonal relationships and minutiae

I have an emotional attachment to Voyager 1 that defies all the scientific logic that informed how it was built but is a reflection of the human spirit that explains why it was built. That little guy out there in the cold and the dark, just trying to do its best.

@stuartgoldsmith.bsky.social hey stu; long time listener, first Time skeeter! I believe you are hosting an event in Bristol tonight, my Canadian wife Jennifer Jones from Cardiff is a senior in your crowd. If you need a moment of audience interaction, ask if anyone knows a Donovan? She'll go bananas.

Melania (right) and a robot

She gave £12 million so that her son could fuck kids

You can just do Islamophobia on the cover of your magazine; it's so normalised now that you don't even have to worry

"the good news is that we have found a relatively cheap and easy way to prevent the cast from going through puberty. the bad news is that not everybody in this room is going to like it".

In the name of balance there’s this…

JUST IN: Democrats tonight have flipped a GOP-held state House seat in Florida. And not just any seat: This is the district that contains Mar-a-Lago. (It voted for Trump by 11% in 2024). That's right: Trump will now be represented by a Democrat, Emily Gregory, in Tallahassee.

I wake up in the morning And I step outside I take a deep breath And I get *real* high, And I scream (at the top of my lungs) "WHAT'S GOING ON?!?" And I say "HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON?!?" ... Imagine living nextdoor to that? Fucking nightmare. I'd call the police.

NEVER - dashare.zone ADMIN

saw you on telly with more makeup on than undertakers put on burns victims, what does it mean you have to escalate to deescalate? do i fuck paddington harder so he can find his lost marmalade sandwich? do i hold everyone in the sex shop hostage and then politely ask for the hellraiser pinhead dildos

Parking at a pump then just going in the shop 🚮

I know, I know. Here we are again.

One of my favourite facts is that the spiky tail of a stegosaurus didn't used to have a specific name, until Gary Larson published this Far Side cartoon, at which point "thagomizer" was adopted by paleontologists.

Let us do without soldiers. The joy built upon successful slaughter is not the right kind of joy; it will not do; it is fearful and it is trivial.

To a non-British eye this might look like a snarky headline damning with the faintest of praise but please understand that this is the highest compliment British people are capable of.

“I once went to war against Iran for reasons which are still unclear, yet also made a deal to buy $14bn worth of oil from the same country” David Mitchell: “Why? WHY would you buy $14bn of oil? What do you need it for?” “I borrowed a bike from Cheryl Baker and it has a squeak.”

Fucksake.

I heard there was a secret cord that David kept in his cable hoard but he can never find it when he needs it

Easy Peelers was Victorian slang for sexually available policemen.

Fuck Norris Is that anything?

Remember to frequently saviour game.

Russian shipping approaching a US blockade of Cuba, you say? If only there was some historical precedence for this manner of situation.

Our brilliant Head of Press Jessica Frank-Keyes with a powerful account of Endometriosis to mark Endometriosis Awareness Month. Read here 👇 https://bestforbritain.substack.com/p/endometriosis-why-the-1-in-10-women

Just for fun, let me tell you about somebody you've probably never heard of, but who was once one of the most famous people in England, a national hero, a disgraced fraudster, and an astonishingly accomplished piratical maniac. He led quite a life. (1/53)

OSSOFF: Your statement says that as a result of last summer's airstrikes, Iran's nuclear program was 'obliterated.' Correct? GABBARD: Yes O: The WH stated war was launched to 'eliminate the imminent nuclear threat' G: The only person who can determine what's an imminent threat is POTUS O: False

Fucking hell. That's institutional racism and sexism writ large — large enough to see from space. Fucking hell.

If this means he's not bombing or invading anyone for five fucking minutes, then no. www.theguardian.com/games/2026/m...

Today I am quitting my job working for Mr Trump because I just found out he's stupid. It has been the privilege of my life to work for this dipshit, who I would die for

Wish Reuters would spend as much time and effort investigating the Epstein files as it does popular graffiti artists.

🚨NEW INVESTIGATION by The Guardian: "Nigel Farage has sold videos in which he endorsed a neo-Nazi event, repeated extremist slogans and supported a man convicted over his involvement in a far-right riot."

"Why isn't NATO dealing with the consequences of my actions?" yells man on golf course.

oh you want help with your shit war now NASA have figured out the straight of Hormuz is actually bendy, yeah no problem we'll send charlie xcx to do some beeps and the little blue cunt from peppa pig to shout "dinosaur" at them until they cry so you can announce you've defeated bhutan

This war is going so bad Trump is gonna have to release the complete Epstein Files to distract from Iran.

🎶 Strait of Hormuz Missiles flying out to the sea My desire is oil shipped straight to us Oh, Strait of Hormuz War have I mongered, price hikes have I seen Distracting the folks from the files of Epstein With that dead nonce I was *not* in cahoots As it takes a harsh toll on the Strait of Hormuz 🎶

Monday: We have won Tuesday: Iran is about to surrender Wednesday: High oil prices are good Thursday: There is nothing left to hit Friday: They have no army, navy or missiles left Saturday: HELP

This, from @iandunt.bsky.social, articulates far better than I ever could what I've been thinking: iandunt.substack.com/p/taco-trade...

The BBC are really going out of their way to not call these The Peter Files.

(Tucks newspaper under arm) "Right, I'm just off to lay some mines in the Strait of Hormuz. I'd give it twenty minutes if I were you."

Yes everything is terrible but let’s not lose sight of the fact that someone has written the Headline to End All Headlines.

As war reaches the doorsteps of the Gulf's gilded enclaves, how did Dubai become the world's #1 exporter of schadenfreude? www.newstatesman.com/comment/2026...