Wonderful news! I got seven minutes back today!

Bruh 💀

ME: my dog's bart is worse than his bike FREIND: don't you mean-- DOG: [riding bicycle] cowabunga dude ME: don't i mean what

There are only two file formats: disguised zips and renamed text files. JSON? Text. EPUB? Zip. CSV? Text. EXE? Zip. SVG? Text. DOCX? Zip. ICS? Text. APK? Zip.

I’m an ally, which is why I’ve made a generous donation to the NCAA.

not sure why but whenever i’m on my own for dinner i always think “oohh i should eat something illegal”

fox buying roku and flooding its locked-in service with right wing garbage is going to do tremendous damage to over-60s and it's not something this government will regulate so i think it's incumbent on people my age to set their parents up with a proper streaming box and lessons on how to use it

for iphone users, if you very suddenly regret NOT turning off biometric unlock, press the lock button on the side 5 times in row - this will lock your phone and require the passcode before biometric unlock can be used again, preventing police from using your face to unlock it against your will.

I’m not merely pro-penis, I’m a

They’re still getting countdown clocks

Someone I know needed a new insult for someone and I came up with raw milk drinker

The Dark Inverse of Ska:

#letterboxdfriday #lastFourWatched

Unironically one of the funniest jokes in Star Wars history is literally that bit from Empire where an asteroid smacks into the bridge of a Star Destroyer and just flat-out kills a guy in the middle of a call with Vader, and everyone just ignores him

It could be on the Jumbotron

(A) incredible and (B) an excuse to post this

this week marks 10 years since "milkshake duck" was coined

Bluesky users be like

Glad my body was able to hold it together just for work so I could spend the weekend doubled over in pain! For the shareholders 🫡

Much unlike the knives in NYC, the murders have plunged.

If it happened soon, things would improve

If you masturbate with your fingers instead of a vibrator, is that digital or analog?

Gorilla Playing Saxophone with Balloons has dropped out of the White House concert

NEW EXAMPLE FOR FONT LESSON JUST DROPPED

Nice selection of *Aqualung riff*s at the supermarket

Kalshi Go Lean

Kevin Hart is the first guy to get addicted to being in commercials for gambling.

I just introduced the Anti-Insurrectionist Act in NY. It's simple: If you're a New Yorker who takes from Trump's illegal January 6th slush fund, NY will tax 100% of it.

Grogu! No!

Annunciating: The Hispanic Spaniard spanned the yard in his panic

I think I grabbed the wrong bagel

Voting is like taking a bus, historically fraught for certain groups of people

He gets a fat shot He gets a Covid shot He gets a shot to protect him from the shingles He gets a shot so he doesn’t eat the Pringles

Scrotum worship is sackreligious.

There is lnobody more qualified to make a movie about a senseless event with characterless evil that amounts to nothing more than a series of confused explosions, collateral damage, and lost money on the part of the American consumer.

We really wanted to introduce you to Vanilla. She has the daintiest handshake we've ever witnessed. 14/10 (IG: bordercollievanilla)

This commute could’ve been a zoom

Cumming, Iowa Pop: 405 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cumming,_Iowa Images: https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=50654514 https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=8662472 https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=140791271

Protestant churches don’t have kneelers? The audacity!

You REALLY should remove the tracking codes from Youtube links now. They started showing a popup about who sent the link and offering a (maybe new) DM feature, potentially revealing your personal account name to anyone who opens the link.

#letterboxdFriday #lastfourwatched #filmsky

You can't get this kind of kink anywhere else for $20 a month!