The one good news of 2026 is that I can probably go back to eating those silica gel packets!

rather than talk about Scott Adams I want to talk about something weirder (me). Who else was really into Dilbert when you were 12. Who else was like, boy, I can't wait to work a cubicle job

holy fuck it’s real

Wag the Chode

Get rich or try dying

Unpatriotic poster. I’d be honored for the President to execute me on Fifth Avenue!

My big prediction for this year is that we’ll find out he died a week after it happens because the rest of the crew will definitely fumble an AI-powered weekend at Bernie’s.

Nuts out of my gourd?! Sounds lovely!!

ICE is killing American citizens the right way. by Ezra Klein

You're living somewhere bucolic? I'm so sorry that must be disgusting. Oh it's good? Ok.

Good news: my insurance premiums have gone up this year, which means they're able to provide me with better service! Service such as them accidentally putting me on the wrong plan, which means I have to decide if I want to front $4000 to get medicine that keeps blood inside my butt.

ICE agents stopped by protesters after the shooting an observer in Minneapolis, according to witnesse. ICE deployed pepper spray and tear gas.

It’s amazing how far Dave Chapelle has surpassed Eddie Murphy in age.

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

There’s really gotta be a better way to deliver these with more context.

#letterboxdfriday #hdtgm

I got promoted to manager because I’m a man aging

when you finally eat something healthy after almost two weeks of delicious crap

How is it that these just became the world's biggest NYE tradition in the last 24 hours?!

When life hands you lemons, make rotting effigies of swine

Here’s how to turn off “automated content recognition,” the Shazam-like software on smart TVs that tracks what you’re watching

Disappointed I didn’t get a MyChart Wrapped this year

It makes sense that I ring in this new year from the toilet

Outlook for the new year ...

RFK Jr. Warns Mistress That Condoms Cause Autism https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-warns-mistress-that-condoms-cause-autism/

This is true and I was the only one on set excited about it (and playing the song on my phone to blank stares)

Popped into my local comic shop to check my subscriptions and picked up a couple trades while I was there. #minihaul

Nation Can’t Believe It On Harvard’s Side

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

oh my god all my exes came back to haunt me

"Turner & Hooch" reboot but he's a chihuahua this time.

And Tiny Sim, who DID die

And Emperor Palpatine, who did NOT die

The agreement continues

by the fired place. straight up "grinchin' it". and by "it", haha, well. let's just say. My crimints

My Dad lacks confidence as a hardware store Santa, but he is greatly admired by his subordinates. He has Lowes Elf Esteem

This is how he’s able to eat milk and cookies millions of times in a single night. Every third or fourth house he’s able to unload in a stocking.

And Tiny Tim, who did not die, would become the cheeriest lad in the coal mine, doing his part for the Cratchits after sister Martha died in childbirth that spring!

Scruff is already tuckered and we haven’t even started opening presents

Wild notification to receive on Christmas morning

He is born

Tiny Tim, who did NOT hit her. He did not. Oh hi, ghost

If you want bananas - great, BIG bananas - shake hands with Santa Claus