i think this job has driven him insane but he does make salient points from time to time. credit where credit is due, he can be oddly poignant for such a bizarre man. much love to northernlion

six months ago Reader’s Digest asked if they could purchase the publishing rights for this elaborate shitpost I wrote a year ago now wherein I pretended to be the elf equivalent of David Brooks at the North Pole. Thought it was maybe a phishing scam but it’s real LMAOO

ME: yeah could i get the impossible burger with cheese. THE VIZIER WHO'S BEEN ADVISING ME: ahh, an excellent choice sire. an imitation of the genuine article. there are some "friends" of yours to whom it bears a passing similarity ME: you want anything VIZIER: [chuckles] what i want is of no import

KIM KITSURAGI - Never fuck with Kim Kitsuragi.

SUGGESTION - Brother, you should put me in front of a firing squad. I have no words for how I failed you.

5th chair violin just sorta being able to goof off in the back. Pretending to walk around like a big fat guy and trying to make the other laugh. I wander off my mark too much and get my nuts smacked by Mahler's hammer and scream like Yosemite Sam and shoot through the roof of the Lincoln center

Nintendo has cancelled the Switch 2 in response to preorder frenzy. "Your vulgar appetites betray you," said company president Furukawa, "That you are a people without grace. We will await a new era." At press time, Nintendo's headquarters in Kyoto and Redmond had vanished from the face of earth.

AVERAGE DEMOCRATIC SENATOR Working families are sick to death of Chaos Donald’s taxes on eggs. Let’s work together to bring down prices, mayhaps? AVERAGE BUSH ADMINISTRATION JUDGE OR COLUMNIST We must end Trump-Hitler immediately at any price. Glory to Generalissimo Sanders and Commandant AOC!

tumblr post archive starts now

🚨 YEATS: TURNING AND TURNING OF THE WIDENING GYRE EXPECTED TO COINCIDE WITH THE FALCON NOT BEING ABLE TO HEAR THE FALCONER, CENTRE NOT EXPECTED TO HOLD

my hope is that AI can empower the Dumbest, Least talented slobs i know to replace everything i ever loved with One Million Years of Content

whaddayamean the bank’s outta money?

northernlion: me when the fuckin uhhh me when she s on my p til i 500? [reads chat] no i’m not being callous i’m just adding a little levity [reads] so what you’re gonna lose your job stuff happens you only think i’m being insensitive because it’s ameri- [nubby bounces weird and ends the run] FUCK

Top 10 pursuers currently gaining on us

some good, healthy things to do this weekend for 48 hours straight: read as many articles as you can from opinion columnists and scroll social media

This is what happens to the economy without wokeness. Until my pronouns are respected, I will destroy another 3% of the American GDP. #darkwoke

nothing wrong with tariffs. yeah the economy is going to crash, but chaos equals opportunity. im going to become a smuggler. now is the age of sail.

Stop sharing the Ghibli AI slop, what is wrong with you: aftermath.site/studio-ghibli-...

the main concern is that with my genetic data the government can make a tiny clone of me that they can torture to get even more of my data

here’s a hot take: I love da movies

The real Best Picture winner in our hearts...

I went to the store to get a cucumber and they were all the same price but one was much bigger so of course I got that one. When I took it up to the cashier he said Dang and swung it like a baseball bat a few times. Now that's what I call Going to the Store.

Dear Premier Xi, I am a consultant from Chicago, Illinois. My people are suffering under the restrictive fees and licensing of the American tech-government AI complex. Please send DeepSeek-R1 advanced reasoning model immediately

oh, youre here from tik tok? (chuckle's lightly ) Is that like reddit for babies

Carter has passed. An accomplished man. A brilliant legacy. Although for many of us he died years ago when he refused to condemn, gamer gate

CORMAC MCCARTHY: He never sleeps. He says that he will never die. He dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps, the judge. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die. JOE ROGAN: sure. I've met guys like that

a cloak believed to belong to the shooter transformed into a dozen beautiful white doves and flew away, Authorities said,

the vvitch (2015)

paul maud’dib: “may thy knife chip and shatter” feyd-rautha:

Designing 30-50 feral applications

I do not Fucking recall them asking the blue sky elders permission to open registration to commoners .

yeah sure i’ll incorporate that into my belief system

wait bro i fucking love kotlin now wtf

my pressure cooker went bust on me and i've forgotten how to cook by any other means. right now i'm just dropping a hunk of frozen beef round on the countertop and throwing lit matches at it. it's not working

Slay the Spire - SLAY The Spire, we love the game don't we folks, the little cards, people are always saying to me "sir I can't play The Defect! It's too hard, I couldn't beat the heart," yet I've beaten the heart many times, some are saying the most it's ever been done

The time has come.

just tried to screenshot a really bad post i saw but i didn't frame it well and this was all i managed to grab. hopefully this is enough to rile everyone up

"Okay i guess you can just cut through the knot, kind of missing the point but whatever"

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target audience

good morning. sunday morning

If I were in Starship Troopers I would be aware of the fascism happening and say something about it

Fuck the boat "Ever Given". I will never forgive the boat for what it did to the suez canal. The should shoot the damn boat. Get it out of there