you have been visited by the Quail of the Double Top Knot. Like for good luck. Ignore to go fuck yourself.

president gramp gramp got into the medicine cabinet again. no one can figure out why getting around child locks is the only thing he's still quick at with his hands. cousin JD found a bottle of oxycodone spilled on the floor but none were missing so we guess he just got distracted and wandered off

mr president, the jerky boys are here for their twelve oclock medal of freedom ceremony

Glad to see people talking about Penn Jillette. The 2024 interview was done by me. I found him to be a refreshingly reflective, self-critical individual who has remained curious and willing to evolve.

Here's a version of the joke she posted on her Instagram in early September. Here we 3 months later and Fox is like "Get angry about this joke you didn't know existed!" www.instagram.com/reel/DOWJU-B...

Toxic masculinity fashion designer: Argyle?!? How bout you argyle my balls?

trying to fuck in the scooby doo universe and my penis keeps going in and out of different doors and hallways

hi are you done shopping for gifts? have you started? anyway look at all this NEAT SHIT you could buy without supporting any sweatshops or multinational retail conglomerates

transgender women have been banned from joining in on the reindeer games

This rules people.com/halle-berry-...

Love living in a slum, love eating one meal a day, love not going anywhere or doing anything, being poor rules

Dreamed I got a chastising message at work that said, “You should know the names of all the Muppets,” and someone stuck up for me, saying, “I don’t think this one has a name,” and they attached a picture of like a white Gonzo with no eyes

Trump may have accidentally pardoned the pipe bomb guy?

Someone finally tied it all together.

This Pluribus ad on a fridge caused a schizophrenic woman named Carol to be hospitalized.

Goddamnit this dude is outing us! You're not supposed to TELL people metal guitarists sound like an episode of Spongebob without effects 😂

a kinder, gentler, machine gun in hand

at some point it stopped being funny how often I just get entirely screwed over. Stop using your fucking phone while driving ko-fi.com/d7th

she let me hit because of my sick idle animations

They're called trans people and they're on this stuff I think they call midichlorians

Rollins: Joe Biden increased food stamp program funding by 40%. Now… we continue to roll that back… Just gratitude and joy for this work. So, so grateful to you.

for World AIDS Day, a 1988 cartoon from the Advocate's Gerald Donelan

butt mogged these zoomers today

“AI is clearly sticking around so you have to get used to it” wrong. I don’t have to get used to shit. I am a practiced hater and I can keep this going for decades if I am required to

The reporters yelled at by Trump for asking what part of him is being MRI-ed should just make it up. “Mr President, when is the next MRI scheduled for your giant misshapen ass?”

This is good and the more cool people who talk like this the better. Corporations love to think of themselves as cool taste makers and spend tons of money trying to appear that way, but they're not. It's just marketing. Works to a point, but like anything real cool can't be faked.

What if we razed every Data Center to the ground and salted the earth where they stood

Stephen King bravely asked, “What if a dog was evil?” “What if a car was evil?” “What if an antique shop was evil?”

this guy made his son a tiny version of Engineered Garments's FA pants 😭 IG twhattcomethru

brb chasing a small mammal

me: *googling symptoms* webmd: you’re being murdered murderer: see i told you

she took off her clothes and a little train came out of her pussy and looped around into her asshole

The shadow is the body and he casts the man

Something I just accepted as a kid was that someday I was going to race a little homemade wooden car down a hill and it would be incredibly important to my community

i am not a christian but i have no idea why there isn't some big panic about a guy called "mr. beast" amassing tremendous amounts of fame and influence by literally getting people to do dangerous and degrading things

I'm nodding my head like, 'yeah'

Groucho glasses were always so much more popular than Groucho mirkins

Guess who has to go grocery shopping on Black Friday because there’s a snowstorm coming in tonight

little gnome-type guy wearing a sleeping cap popped out of the turkey when we went to carve it this year. made a quip about how somebody must have “left the heat on(?)” and went straight to the couch. he’s been sitting there ever since. not sure what protocol is here. where did he go to the bathroom

Demon: a togore comic

I believe in the indomitable spirit of my fellow man

escape (1/2)

Just a holiday reminder! 😂

gone, and also forgotten