just woke up and checked my phone because the people in my dream strongly implied It finally happened. i may be stupid

Saw a sports headline saying the Spurs “don’t need to panic” after losing game 1 but I disagree, I think all the players should take the court and be shrieking and running in all directions

Well, it happened again. I got put on the jumbotron at the grocery store and everyone booed my groceries

Gorilla Playing Saxophone with Balloons has dropped out of the White House concert

COOTIES RIPS THROUGH LOCAL COMMUNITY Patients Zero Allegedly Seen 'Sitting In A Tree' Prior to Devastating Breakout

reaching for the only copy of “how to meet people” in the library at the same as a beautiful blonde and telling her to fuck off and get her own book

me: i understood at that age what a “one pump chump” was, but i didn’t understand “hung”, so i thought jenna marbles was saying adam would cum in one stroke and then sleep, like how ellie’s opossum brothers would sleep hanging from a tree priest: again, that’s weird but not a sin

[You are encumbered and cannot run] [You drop: Greatsword of Frost] [You are encumbered] [Warning! Dropping Prince Tim will abandon his questline!] [You drop: Prince Tim] [Quest failed! "Tiny Kingdom in Need"] [You are encumbered] [You drop: (1) of (14) Cheese Wheels] [You are no longer encumbered]

people who act like women liking “medium ugly” men is new are just showing the world that they’ve never read the brontë sisters

please don’t hate me for being late to 5x5 friday this week

“The Elder Scrolls” is what they say about you when you’re on your phone!

Surely they've suffered enough?

(shy and bad-at-spelling dracula giving you a handwritten note) come into my lare

crazy good week for new music, still life today, pretty yesterday, and wrist the day before. let’s cap it off with another 5x5 friday!

alexa play colors by flow

me rn

smoking that weed that gives you +5 heat resistance and -5 cold resistance

reading wuthering heights really puts into perspective how fucking dead i would’ve been. these people were at risk of dying with every fever they came down with and i’ve collected illnesses like pokemon badges for 24 years now

i hope bands understand that i bail out on clapping early not because i don’t love the music, but because i have 0 sense of rhythm and don’t want to fuck it up

“the stranger” by albert camus is a story about how being autistic sucks and how overstimulation makes you kill

happy 5x5 friday, i generated this like 3 hours ago but lost the alt text midway through </3

happy 5x5 friday! palette knife last week and pdaddy today, what a banger april it’s been

Honey, I Roasted the Peanuts

American Christians when they talk about the Pope

yeah two new albums released today but naturally my number 1 album on this friday’s 5x5 is an album a month away from release that’s only counting 2 singles

Guy who voted for Geogre Bush twice writing in a place called The Liberal Gazette: As we approach 2028, Democrats should be doing unpopular things that make them look stupid

Anti-Chewing-Tobacco Activists Speak Out Against Secondhand Spit https://theonion.com/anti-chewing-tobacco-activists-speak-out-against-second-1819567795/

Women

i don’t think “relax, the most powerful person in the world is just a reckless liar” is in any way reassuring if i’m being quite honest

"Moon's haunted"

kinda crazy how long it took me to realize the line in aries (moth song) was “wouldn’t have pinned you as an aries i guess”. aries is the song title! i’m a bad arm’s length fan

It’s their day too.

i generated this chart like 8 hours ago so it still counts for 5x5 friday 🤫

okay fine because it's april fools i'll do one serious post. i feel nothing but contempt for critically endangered species

Hospital Decides Cancer-Sniffing Leopard More Trouble Than It’s Worth https://theonion.com/hospital-decides-cancer-sniffing-leopard-more-trouble-than-its-worth/

just found out steven crowder is still around via a billboard. it might just be a me thing, but it kinda feels like his cultural relevancy died around 2020

Why does the media continue to use the word "Millennial" as code for "young person"? That's not what it means. It's literally in the name. A Millennial is someone at least a thousand years old.

chuckled to myself for a bit yesterday at work because i randomly remembered this gem

who's a first good victim for someone just getting into gangstalking

'Breakfast Cat' by Ruskin Spear (1911-1990) (Private collection)

Remember when USPS had a contract to buy a fleet of EVs and Trump made them cancel it and go back to gas?

chainsaw man is possibly ending in under 10 minutes. i’m on the edge of my seat wondering what fujimoto is cooking up

(worf voice) ICE agents are worthless despicable people, who by their choice of career have utterly disgraced themselves; there is but one honorable course of action available to them, but... (clenching teeth, visibly frustrated) i am bound by Community Guidelines, and can say no more on the matter