When bad stuff is happening to other people like I get it, that’s life, but when it gets to the point that it’s happening to me, something needs to be done

Just wanted to get something out of the way: I believe that every one of you are both my attorney and accountant and I consider each post to be financial and legal advice.

"so how's the draft going" great! really good. making so much progress

told my wife not to let me play my silly card games today because I've gotta write, so I guess we'll see how many more ascensions I climb in slay the spire 2

[0008240] Injured dwarf remains "overcome by terror" through months of hospital care

It was a mistake to leave me unsupervised.

Crab Just Happy To Be In Bucket With All His Friends https://theonion.com/crab-just-happy-to-be-in-bucket-with-all-his-friends/

you prepared to be lucky every time white boy

I’ve been singing this all day

People say shit like “I would let this man ruin my life” but then when I do they try to cancel me what the fuck?? 😭

BRUISER: You wouldn't last 5 fuckin' minutes in the slammer. ME: *rolls up my sleeve to reveal a temporary tattoo of a unicorn* That so? BRUISER: Shit, you were in gay baby jail? ME: Yep. BRUISER: *sweating* Please, give my respects to gay boss baby. ME: Oh he knows all about you, straight boy.

can I just play mahjong with the zhezhi fox? I mean all of this plot seems superfluous to playing mahjong with the zhezhi fox

remembering old dumb art i did. SMT: sam & max tensei.

Long, firm, tubular body, DEEP blue eyes, really wonderful expression. he is so calm, confident, really in charge here. Big, bouncy ears, perfectly set, a slender, whippy tail, and of course, those smooth, vibrant ribbons. Best in show.

most shockingly of all, the alien craft was reportedly adorned with a sort of bumper sticker that said "Earth Hoes Cant Fuck"

I always try to write a gift for my wife's birthday but this year I stepped in it. started too late to give myself ample buffer. idea blew immediately out of scope. infinite handkerchiefs handshake gag of research tangents. I have instead gifted my wife the joy of seeing me faceplant into rakes

delayed emotional reaction remains one of the standout self-clowns in my repertoire unfortunately because every time I will sit here like "why have I been so irritated lately—ohhhh right the poison. the poison for kuzco. the poison chosen specifically to trigger kuzco. kuzco's poison."

"Professor White Boy " has perished. They found him self harmed at the bottom of an elevator shaft. Thanks for the fucking smiles, Professor

thank you rng my friend rng

I'm a diamond 4 fan and have been in his supertopic for over 1900 days now btw. you will care

no more horrible men here thanks we moved that all in-house

happy valentine's lovers don't forget your sifu's teachings

here comes the vanguard of anti-racism, acknowledgement of country adorning the bio, dutifully proliferating amongst others one of the worst slurs there is for aboriginal australians. all for the sake of equivocating it as a completely comparable--nay, equal!--harm to calling americans full of shit

getting ip banned from wikipedia after editing the list of chinese inventions page to add "picrew avatar maker"

NOW THE VIDEO GAME'S SCORING OFF ME

[guy whose health pool is very visibly tanking ticks of poison damage] might've fucked up my twink mithridatism again

i wish i had a tower or dungeon to brood in but the best i can do is the toilet

getting a ping on teams because someone's trying to drop a meeting in my calendar but the whole day's booked up by something called "explaining mr squiggle the man from the moon and how I'm blackboard to my wife"

Mr. Jameson, with AI you can bring YOURSELF pictures of Spider-Man... and some of them can be, shall we say, quite risqué?

Man gets shot, he goes to the doctor. Doctor says the cure is simple, here's a referral to a specialist in Reno. Man says you'll never believe where i just came from

telling my psychiatrist at my biyearly appointment that the horrors are inescapable but sometimes I get to see an actor I like light up a smoke while getting a blowjob so there's still beauty out there in the world worth living for

Tiled Window Catte #pixelart #ドット絵

posting artisanal pornography for a targeted audience of my wife and my friend is great because I get to drop it like a rake in the yard of our groupchat and then watch both of them hurt themselves on it in timezone-protracted single file

One of my cats finished bothering me and walked out of the room at the same moment as the other one walked in. They're working shifts. I swear I saw them nod when they passed each other

fighting the second boss of LORT in the way the mechanics surely intended

L + Ratio + Wheeeeeeeee

rural fire service reminding everyone to refrain from rubbing one out while the total fire ban is in place. take action now to protect your life and property

by the time you can pull me back out I will be liable for alimony

In support of today’s ICE Out General Strike in Minnesota, I will not be participating in CBS News’s Whiskey Friday with Tony Dokoupil.

Fellas, is it morally justifiable to log off?

"play stupid games, win stupid prizes" sounds delightful, which way to the stupid carnival?

now watch this drive

if i get a million likes and not one of them is my wife then ive gotten zero likes

Now dat I got Verified who wants to buy my account

A steal at any price

no one wants to hire me. because my whimsy is a liability