I bought this before Jared went crazy

i’m not depressed i just need to lock in

Lowkey the Pluribus lady is Treatler

The manager on duty while I’m watching reels and taking all 4 of my government mandated breaks at once

Why’d you throw bipolar in there. 🤔🤔🤔🤔

1 year clean from opiates ❤️‍🩹

Let’s go hawks

bridge hands of gay women

I just dropped my monster ion for my magnet dong

That one pumpkin the girl fucked

Brutal + grueling. Not that hard for even a casual Eric Adams scholar

Homo sapien when he invented the utensil:

neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night

They’re making the White House the Fright House. Because it’s scary What’s happening

*Trump voice* Crooked Cuomo

Sliwa screaming “we need to put that crook in JAIL” and then Cuomo saying he’d accept the Adams endorsement is so funny

No I don’t want to watch reruns of Hey Arnold at “The Stinky House”

All mormons are transgender

No we don’t

Bro you were serving sneed last night.

Me: I love Twin Peaks. I didn't really get the Windom Earle arc though. (eating croutons because the bar kitchen's closed) Mm. Findom Earle. Is that clever? Girl I'm pretending I wasn't warned about: You're so funny… I think you're the nicest person I've met here.

Private leaf blowing removal service is hitlerian

Do you think it’s okay for a company to be leaf blowing the parking lot at 11 PM on a Tuesday . I am aghast

Couldn’t sleep all night just laid in bed rolling over like a dog and now they’re jackhammering directly outside my window at 9 AM my gang stalkers are winning

🪽

I’ve also broken up a DP by taking it to the dome

Well well well if it isn’t the cunnilingus cousins

Well well well if it isn’t the cocksuck cousins

The Mariners are being sold to Israel for $6

Encouraging my girlfriend to get a mullet

You need a fat boyfriend

well well well if it isnt the blowjob brothers

God invented skirts so women could masturbate easier

Aw. They’re playing leap frog :)

(Guy who’s into blindfolded orgies) sorry I don’t know what came over me

you heard it here first: EASEL at Full Spectrum Photo, probably the only photo lab in the world run by four butch trans women

The mariners are the best team at what they do for baseball and they do it well

The mariners losing game 7 is very good. They are the only team to have never been to the World Series why break that record

(Guy addicted to well-known sayings) back on the proverbial wagon

We should all be practicing critical wokeness

I don’t have a thing for straight women they’re all just queer baiting me

Something something need that something

Yea can I get a couples massage and two happy endings

This would’ve genuinely saved America

Trump pardoned George santos because he liked his head game

This isn’t a Francis Bacon?

Gm

Everything rightwingers make using AI is off white or yellow now. Whats up with that