Throwing on my coziest record for snowy Sunday morning reading time.

Shrimply having a wonderful catmastime

Against somewhat overwhelming odds, I finished writing and editing my third book, and I'd love for you to sign up to be alerted when it's available for preorder: beckbook.com

Every mid-sentence hard cut in Meyerowitz Stories is absolutely perfect

jeremy strong in the springsteen movie looks like they made an oscar bait minions adaptation

Here’s to 2026

you shouldn’t be allowed to put this kind of thing on the timeline without a content warning for anyone who broke up between 2005-2008

I bet you even normies are done with this shit. I haven't seen one declarative hed in forever. This wishy washy nonsense is dogshit and everyone knows it. 'Maybe something happened guys but only maybe'

Going home as my family debates what new movie will work for everyone and sadly resign themselves to Anaconda.

just to be safe, now I always say "you know that's AI right" when someone mentions anything I don't know about

I love that Shaq is on tv dressed as Santa’s bookie for Christmas.

“movies are too long” shut up im watching a MOVING PICTURE!!!!!!

[on phone with 911] You guys don’t do figgy pudding delivery do you? Have kind of a situation on the front law—YES HON I CAN HEAR WHAT THEY’RE SINGING

My 3-year old niece acts like I did as a teenager when someone at a party had weed, but for video content. Just going from person to person like “Do you have Gabby’s Dollhouse on your phone?”

dinosaurs lived 300 million years and never figured out christmas

Getting annihilated in the village chat for suggesting a two-horse open sleigh.

In retrospect the Bush-era War On Christmas stuff seems more ominous than it did at the time. It was just cable news guys crying about dumb/fake shit, then and now; I mean the campaign to turn Christmas, which most everyone likes and feels warmly about, into just another thing to get mad about.

happy martyr supreme day

Oh you have a 7-foot skeleton in your yard? How embarrassing for you. (This is what I woke up to today.)

You would not believe the number of questions it turns out a father in law can ask about a gifted SodaStream.

God bless us, every one

(Checking my notifications this morning) Dad: Merry Xmas Text group: Merry Christmas love you all! Chase: Your statement is available

Terrified of my in-laws’ ancient Santa with the creepy baby face. This thing should be under containment by the Warrens.

Because it’s Christmas Eve, I let my kid blast their favorite album (Tally Hall’s “Marvin’s Marvelous Mechanical Museum”) in the living room. This experience is INTENSE, and v similar to what my dear friend @joeberkowitz.bsky.social described in this 2011 banger: www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/let...

Trying to cook at my in-laws' place and it's nearly impossible. Storage not just counterintuitive but anti-intuitive, everything exactly where it shouldn't be. Where's the tinfoil, you might wonder. It's under the sink, obviously.

The most cursed setup for a Hallmark Christmas movie meet-cute.

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online has ruined the beautiful circumstances that created JINGLE ALL THE WAY

Not now, haunted Victorian shoes

Trying to cook at my in-laws' place and it's nearly impossible. Storage not just counterintuitive but anti-intuitive, everything exactly where it shouldn't be. Where's the tinfoil, you might wonder. It's under the sink, obviously.

Finally some answers about Stanley Kubrick, Jeffrey Epstein, pedophile cults, “Eyes Wide Shut” and of course the moon landing.

if they had just shown it on 60 Minutes nobody would have seen it

interrupting the ghost of christmas present mid-lesson to expound on the national security implications of his remote viewing abilities

A Safdie cast is something like Adrien Brody, Jennifer Lopez, the Rent Is Too Damn High guy, Maurice Dubois, Charles Oakley and the guy who did the whistle on the PC Richards commercials

Whenever I’ve worn this shirt while traveling, strangers will compliment me on it and turn it turns out they have no idea what it means.

This is the one I can’t get over, because for all the handwringing about out-of-touch liberal media elites, none of them would’ve ever thought that Middle America wants to hear, “Great news, we’ve got a Harvard professor and a New York Times columnist lined up to debate whether you need God.”

hell yeah

Glad everyone stopped saying ‘hipster’ but wild that nothing’s replaced it.

WHAT’s up guys its Plato welcome back to the cave. Guys we’ve got some CRAZY shadows for you today you are not gonna want to miss this! But first I have to thank our sponsor OnX Backcountry

Unintentional but it really looks like I’m about to kick them into the sea.

peak male performance

this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.

“On behalf of Director Park Chan-wook's new film, we are cordially inviting all Fortune 500 CEOs to a special screening of NO OTHER CHOICE. This is truly a film that speaks to our gracious executive leaders and the culture they have cultivated.” Beast mode shit.

We staffed the entire FBI with guys who only make memes and podcasts, hope that doesn't affect our ability to respond to major crimes

When you feel bad about *gestures vaguely at entire world*, if you have the ability to give some money to a person or cause who needs it, it can help you feel better. Now your sadness has a purpose, it helped make the world a little better for someone else.

when u see a book about a penguin with two dads

This is fucking grim. Somebody invented a white guy, an "IT professional" named Edward Crabtree, who stopped the Bondi shooting and spread it all over the internet, which was picked up by AI agents and slop aggregation sites. The real hero is a fruit stand owner named Ahmed el Ahmed.