it was the worst of times, its was the wow somehow it keeps getting worse of times

There shall only be melancholic music in my ears all day and evening long until conditions improve

I’m always trying to find the perfect balance between wanting to be included and wanting to be left alone.

everything is a draft if your delete game is tight.

Somewhere along the way the line blurred from crazy to this is fucken nuts.

Great in a crisis. Falls apart at the smallest inconvenience.

Even if we had money, I would still want our first date to be a swing set, cuz I wanna hear you laugh like that.

All my galls are mitigated.

The Apocalypse Now helicopter scene but instead of playing Ride of the Valkyries it’s playing the theme song to Sanford and Son

I know an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swallowed a fly. Perhaps there will be a coup.

[at the park with moms and kids] [5 yo girl runs over and rips out the heart of another kid] -Me to the parent next me *That kid is gonna be POTUS someday.

Your entire life is a vague memory, a whispered existence. Five cent scribblings on gas station bathroom walls are your bible.

Life's all about choice and today I can't decide if I should deep clean my kitchen or throw myself into an active volcano.

I’ve been taking care of myself(non pervertedly.)

Need to uncrumple myself. That is not a metaphor.

my girlfriend just said "i'm fine" then added "just forget about it" so now i have to create a new identity and relocate to another country

in the background of the violence of my heart plays a love song

It takes me approximately 4.75 hrs to get my hair up into an effortless messy bun.

The top corners have their waves on point

Motion to combine February and March into one month and call it Ferch.

You have to admit it’s fucking scooters that half the country feels threatened by the gentle and universal truths of Mister Rogers. Anyhoo, back to the asbestos mines

Never going to give you up Never going to let you down But I am going to run around And summon the demon that is going to flay the flesh from your bones before I desert you

I wonder if I’m unhappy enough to start being funny again. I think I might need one more little push

difficult times call for stronger stuff so I will be selling rags pre dipped in gas to huff advertised as mikes hard oxygen

you actually died three years ago and your brain has been kept nominally alive spouting gibberish in a complex micro-blogging simulation

What was Gumby? Like, an eraser?

DeepSeek AI just slapped my ass and made me breakfast… FOR FREE?!

For the love of all that is green and good. Back away from the goddamn news once in awhile.

I was talking to a guy from Belgium who spoke 4 different languages fluently, which is amazing to me because I live in a country where we basically only speak 1 language and still manage to fuck it up regularly

my taste in music can best be described as the less it sounds like Maroon 5 the better

Vaguely apocalyptic, isn’t it? Certainly feels like the jagged crack in the system can no longer contain what needs to gush out.

I get so wrapped up in and absorbed by things. Alls I am is a liquid present.

I'm gonna stir fry hot dogs tonight for dinner like some kind of Trump supporter

When starting a family, they don't prepare you for how you'll feel when your children are old enough for their own nostalgia.

You have no control over how others perceive you here. Then you realize it doesn’t matter. You know your own worth. You know the good and the not so good. You know you executed a perfect moonwalk in front of Strawberries Records & Tapes, Hanover Mall, February the 12th, 1987

You might know me from such hits as “Trips Over Nothing” and “Suddenly Chokes On Her Own Saliva”.

Going for a world record of how many blankets can be piled on top of a person at one time

If this is the end of humanity, so be it. I’ve eaten my fair share of tacos and that’s a good life.

This is gonna be the app that finally makes all my dreams come true, I can feel it