sitting on the porch filling shotgun shells with peppermint bark in case anyone comes a-wassailing

successfully confusing the algorithm by convincing spotify that I'm 83 years old

biblically accurate manscaping

Plasma cannon in the papal gun safe

midlife crisis actor

Christmas time is family time

accidentally summoned an ancient entity that feeds on disappointing life choices during my daily mindfulness practice

Mentally rehearsing what I'm going to say to the therapist about how to stop mentally rehearsing everything

Unified Theory of "Everyone Is Twelve" has broken Bluesky containment

reverse advent calendar where I scream a little scream into each tiny box and close it up tight

Hum, interesting items in this target "swag bag" A kilo of human hair dripping with a red ichor Boric acid An Erlenmeyer full of ether Teeth stuff A packet of expired flavour aid A gift card to Dicks Sporting goods

politely asking the mall Santa for a silver bullet that will obliterate my constant internal monologue

Hark the herald edgelords whinge

Realize, first, that you’ve already assumed a chicken acknowledges the existence of a road and recognizes two sides of said road.

Happy Black Friday: I got you PROMOTIONAL EMAILS!

it’s the most overstimulating time of the year

happy thanksgiving!

Campbell's Soup exec calling R&D "Wait, CAN we 3D print a chicken?!"

social media teaches us to stop caring about spelling, or logic, or manners, or humanity

Nothing like looking at different screens after a hard day of looking at screens

ｌｏｇｇｉｎｇ ｏｎ

The gravy I ordered is on the way

Deep in the Password Reset Experience

almost time to take out the Toyotathon decorations from the garage

There should be a lot more hairstyles for dogs

The Mamdani Effect, folks

I love LA, once i heard a guy having a very intense phone call discussing the ethics of his project which would “turn every single person on earth into a weapon” and it turned out to be a martial arts youtube channel

petition to classify the use of fabric softener as a war crime

oh no not This .

in every neurodivergent relationship there is one person who goes around turning on lights and another who goes around turning them off

"The strategic adversary is fascism... the fascism in us all, in our heads and in our everyday behavior, the fascism that causes us to love power, to desire the very thing that dominates and exploits us." Michel Foucault

nightmare blunt rotation

The billionaire who’s hunting me for sport is mad because I’m not even trying. I’m running in slow motion making Chariots of Fire noises

*repeatedly yells "representative" into the abyss

If youre asking me to fax something in the year of our lord 2025, im allowed to smoke in your office

The zeitgeist gets all over everything.

[30 seconds into listening to me ramble on how the simulation dictates our perception of a reality in which we are both consuming and being consumed]

Eating a bowl of croutons like cold cereal

My computer's being weird

You wake up, but nothing seems right. You're fuzzy and coffee isn't helping. You tug on your earlobe and a cassette tape pops out the back of your head. You grab a pencil and insert it into the spindle, slowly turning until the kink straightens out and then pop it back in. You smile and make toast.

when I die I want to be reincarnated into a Teavana store inside a mall circa 2012

i don't think my television needs an AI Concierge

getting eaten alive by a random mosquito who's been squatting in my house for the past few days, in the month of november, nonetheless, hashtag wtf socal climate change

[watching the most unrelentingly bleak movie] i hope they have bloopers during the credits

ran out of room

cool party trick: phase in and out of existence

the yeeted sandwich heard 'round the world

it's 100% ketchup steaks to-the-wall at the white house tonight

sorry I've added a "Controversy" section to your wikipedia article while you were asleep

I don't want AI. I want to stop filling out my entire medical history every time I go to the same doctor