As long as the Broadcasting Under-Manager's safe

Just remembered the time I found my new favourite swearword in a pet shop

Seeing Liz Truss amongst the ex-Prime Ministers on Remembrance Sunday is like when you're watching #totp 1998 on BBC Four and finding out that apparently 'Freak Me' by Another Level once got to Number 1.

This means BBC News is about to do that thing where they have a BBC News reporter telling us about something that's happened at BBC News, whilst standing *outside* BBC News. You work there! Go inside and do your report in the warm! Otherwise you just look like you forgot your lanyard.

"I RESIGN!"

Imagine being the person at BBC News who wrote this headline, possibly whilst thinking "Brilliant! I can turn up late tomorrow, nobody to tell me off" www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cd...

Not sure what I clicked on, but all of a sudden my YouTube recommendations are full of videos where people DESTROY or OBLITERATE or SHUT DOWN or SLAM or someone MELTS DOWN or COMPLETELY FREAKS OUT, and it's all a bit unnecessary and stressful, so here's something lovely instead youtu.be/2yzrDWCzPh8

Crikey, look at how we voted in the 1988 Smash Hits Readers Poll. Imagine having so many music shows on TV that they got their own Top Ten!

I was all ready to give La Voix all my votes, but Harry just bought two of them by doing That Thing with his nipples. One each #strictly

Waiting for Strictly to start, the Inner Circle is on. Why are they still doing the 'Split or Steal' end game? This chap broke it years ago! youtu.be/S0qjK3TWZE8?...

Trees are great, aren't they? I love that the view from my window is different every day 🌳🍂❤️

'Prolific' is such a loaded word, isn't it? #totp

One Day at a Time by Lena Martell sounds like it should've come out in 1957. Or, ideally, never #totp

"Are the costumes ready?" "Yes! But, um... You're not going to believe it..." "Don't tell us - You ran out of material before you could make the trousers?" "Yeah..." "Oh no! This seems to happen every week!" #totp

Now to take a big sip of coffee and look at the artists and song titles in this week's Top 20 #totp

Aw, lovely Eels. #totp

Ashamed to admit I only realised last year that the voice at the beginning of Generation Sex was the awesome Katie Puckrick #totp

Jayne's turn on the totally convincing greenscreen this week #totp

Right, let's try that again, shall we? #totp

Remember 'Sleep', Max Richter's eight-hour concept album designed to be played through the night, where the audience were invited to bring pillows and duvets? He got the idea from this episode #totp

Today I learnt the chart stops at number 3 #totp

I do love Party Hard. I remember Jarvis pulling out a special harmonised-voice microphone for this one when they played Finsbury Park. Afterwards, to make the most of the effect, he sang a bit of Everly Brothers #totp

It's Rubber-faced funnyman® Steven Tyler #totp

Just had a great idea for dealing with people who put their feet on the seats #thetraitors

What I love about #thetraitors is the way it taps into centuries of British hauntology, from tales of banshees, right up to the tradition of hilariously-bad-but-also-creepy seaside waxworks museums. Hope the next series includes a challenge where they have to retrieve a frisbee from a substation.

"We've got the Nobel Peace Prize at home"

Ashamed to say I just made myself laugh when my son walked in wearing tartan pyjama bottoms and no top, and I said "Blimey, it's Iggy McPop"

Just remembered the Daily Show episode (back in the days when it was on More4!) where Jon Stewart introduced "the story people are already calling 'Dick Cheney Shot a Guy In The Face-Gate'"

What, is she doing it in Esperanto?

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my son last week. He was reading me the joke on his Penguin wrapper. "What's a penguin's favourite film?" "OOH! Carry On Fishing!" "No. Frozen" "Spiderman Across the Fishverse!" "It's Frozen." "Citizen Fish!" "Frozen." "The Empire Strikes Fish!" "FROZEN."

Tell your face?

Just been to visit my mum. I should've realised - It's November, which meant I got roped into the annual Going Through The Word Document of Christmas Card Address Labels And Deleting Everyone Who's Dead. Found it morbidly satisfying that we got it down to exactly two sheets of A4.

This is how I'm going to look every time someone dislikes one of my posts

Urban Outfitters now selling Kenny Everett merch

I'm in Urban Outfitters with my daughter. Me: Look at this shirt! Her: Aw, cute! Are you going to buy it? Me: No, I'm going to fold it. Much better, I'm sure you'll agree.

Monthly Patreon thread. As always, free month if you sign up now as I won't charge until Dec 1st. Tiers start at £1, with 891,000+ words of content plus hours of audio and video (some of it Patreon-exclusive). Here's a public index of all the posts: patreon.com/posts/26784352

It's time 😬

Another episode of #totp where you're left wondering which act's restraining order meant Theakston wasn't allowed in the studio

Well done, kiss-of-death Theakston #totp

They brought in this set design after Nicky Wire smacked his head on the ceiling in rehearsal #totp

New sarcastic meme just dropped #totp

NOBODY CALLS MADONNA 'MADGE' APART FROM ANNOYING PRESENTERS #totp

Haha yes.

Walking home earlier, this song playing, I turned a corner and saw this. Bit of a moment youtu.be/39YD-ZDZXzE?...

Been a while since I last checked but IKEA still sells its TILLGÅNG plastic tray that looks almost identical to an oven tray besides being made from polypropylene and has multiple one-star customer reviews from people who have disastrously oven baked it. applink.ikea.com/tY8M9r9M4w--...

Elon Musk is trying to get British people to start a civil war. Mate, you can't even get British people to call Twitter 'X'

Hotukdeals remains the internet's most aggy forum. Someone posted that North Lincolnshire Council are offering free air fryers to pensioners and the comments turned into a fight about the definition of "free" www.hotukdeals.com/deals/free-a...

Which idiot called it 'The Tony Hadley Christmas Big Band Tour' and not 'Unkemped'?

A big Hello to my teenage daughter, who once tried to microwave Weetabix but forgot to add milk, so it caught fire.