Turned on Pointless Celebrities and it’s Suzi Ruffell & Rosie Jones vs Anjli Mohindra & Dame Meera Syal. Presumably the producer deciding on the teams went “yeah, lesbians vs Asians, job done, get filming.”

Delighted to discover Celebrity Apprentice was on last night and I missed it.

It’s worth mentioning, though it’s been said repeatedly: the Lizzie Line carries 1/6th of UK daily rail passengers (not including the Tube) and has already paid off its entire costs. And if HS2 had been committed to, without plans being tweaked every 5 minutes, Phase 1 would be opening next year.

It’s that time of the season where you’re eating food based purely on its sell by date.

When everybody is dunking on my shit take but I have notifications turned off

I see Francis has been to Turkey.

Dr Bev doing glamour pose while everyone else is giving serious actor 😍

Delighted to announce I’ve been made Duke of York in the New Year’s Honours. Apparently no-one else wanted it.

I gave Paul Burrell Small Business Rate Relief. Not a euphemism.

Glenn Close is doing full Mars Attacks overacting in this and I absolutely approve. #WakeUpDeadMan

Watching Wake Up Dead Man and I always thought Daniel Craig and Jeremy Renner weren’t allowed in the same room in case it triggered the Blinovitch Limitation Effect.

2026 is starting with a bang by giving us a new entry in the Maddy From The Traitors Cinematic Universe.

I will never tire of people running down Cybill Shepherd. youtu.be/WJeC5EVtsls?...

TOP TIP: Convince friends and passers by that you have lost your mind by absent-mindedly singing Eric Serra's Ladies First to yourself. www.youtube.com/watch?v=ak2l...

Liverpool Hooters has been nothing but a blight on the city since it opened so it’s delightful to hear it’s going under. www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/wha...

I’ve been looking for a red suede pump

Friend: *sharing deeply vulnerable details about their life* Me: *waiting to talk about which actresses I think wear wigs*

Started watching the Liver King documentary under the impression that it was about a very fit man in his sixties and ten minutes in it turns out he’s younger than me? Then why does he look so awful?

I hate it when you see someone do an interesting reply but you check out their timeline and it’s nothing but retweets and politics. You were really good back there! Post more like that!

New blog: Closing Remarks - www.merseytart.com/2025/12/clos... - the obligatory end of year review, with a little about what's coming up. Perhaps.

Going to need the NYT Crossword setters to stop using British slang as a clue if they don’t actually know what that British slang is.

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New blog: Closing Remarks - www.merseytart.com/2025/12/clos... - the obligatory end of year review, with a little about what's coming up. Perhaps.

I got some books out of uni in the 90s and I don’t ever remember taking them back. I still get anxiety about this.

The problem with salted peanuts is you can convince yourself that they are in some way healthy and therefore eating an entire bag in one sitting is absolutely fine.

Sinners also gave me ample proof that me shouting “JACK O’CONNELL FOR 007” since Spectre wasn’t a waste of time.

At the risk of sounding dangerously iconoclastic, I watched Sinners, and I thought it was very good indeed.

Put our bins out last night. Got collected this morning. Strongly suspect nobody else in the street did it 💅 #BinfluencerLife

Nasty duvet.

Woke up with the Pet Shop Boys’ Heart bouncing in my head. This is not a complaint. youtu.be/vlIsU7ImU0w?...

An underrated era of Friends is when Rachel and Phoebe lived together and became a twosome.

Do you think they teach pregnant acting at RADA? Like how to walk face on so you disguise the baby and how to act behind high counters?

Will never stop finding the glazing process magic. It’s white! And then it’s coloured! Incredible! #PotteryThrowdown

Princess needs to up her game as Kiln Technician. Rich and Rose are big shoes to fill and she’s not exactly sparking off the screen. #PotteryThrowdown

shut up everyone it’s the pottery

BLUE VELVET (David Lynch, 1990)

Love Diane Youdale making a verb out of Gladiators.

I am very glad that no part of my personality wants to queue outside a shopping centre at seven am on Boxing Day.

having pigs in blankets and coke zero for breakfast

Had a cup of tea and now I’m in bed. Christmas has finally defeated me.

And Tiny Sim, who DID die

Well played, Solmar Villas.

Imagining Big Suze pushing Olivia Colman up against the wall behind the scenes and telling her how inaccurate her portrayal of her relative HM The Queen was. #BakeOff

Prue pretending she’s seen a single episode of Peep Show. #BakeOff

Olivia Colman getting top billing even though David Mitchell was the actual star of Peep Show. #BakeOff

Neil doing street/commercial has ruined Christmas, hope you’re happy BBC

Martine’s let herself go

Wondering if I should incorporate some Roddy McDowell-esque sailor suits into my everyday wardrobe. #EvilUnderTheSun

Back when Twitter was good I had a brief exchange of messages with Emily Hone from Evil Under The Sun. She was a crafter and embroiderer then.

Watching Evil Under The Sun and thinking that Nicholas Clay wouldn’t be allowed to have that body in a film in 2025 even though it is by a measure astonishingly good.