Jacket very much required for Phil there.

Look who it is, appearing with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season.

Not rude things, a thread:

Sending thoughts to my mate. He's in a bad place right now. Yes, he's at a Josh Widdecombe gig

Even as a member of the goalkeeper's union, no way Gyokeres should have been booked there. Any manager would have bollocked him if he hadn't gone for that rebound!

Mes Amis, this is how you properly crêpe on someone

I see profanity accountant is doing the rounds again. It's a load of bollocks, it might as well just be a random number generator as it doesn't come close to recording your swears. Sorry to be the turd I don't mean to piss on anyone's chips.

Jerry Dammers, 1979

I'm not saying my Texan brother-in-law is a bit Fox News mental but when I told him my wife was an Anglophile he thought she was sexually attracted to protractors.

Cue the Dibling's shite shouts when he doesn't do anything in the 10 minutes he's given at the arse end of a match deader than Ronald Reagan

Fucking Scrooge bastards are gonna take Barry's goal off him aren't they

Blues. What are we all drinking then? Don't say cyanide 😂 I'm getting the brandy out!

Can someone bounce on and slap the whole team?

Oh fuck off Everton. After the Lord mayor's show this

Started cold, they were right out of the traps. But this is much more like it now Everton. COYB!

Who the hell decided to try and make Merry SkySportsmas a thing?

"What did I tell you about wearing headphones, you anti-social fuck? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?"

I'm not much of a live music gig goer (I know, what a weirdo). So what's 5 of your favourite books to get to know you? Slaughterhouse Five Catch 22 Portnoy's Complaint Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy Filth Bonus mention for the finest work of non-fiction ever published, Roger's Profanisaurus.

Just been reminded about how very weird nutcracker figures are. Who'd want these things in their house? They look like something that would come alive and murder you in the night.

Lamar FFS, it's the Bengals, one of the worst defenses in the NFL, what the fuck are you doing? Can Derrick Henry play QB? #CINvsBAL #RavensFlock #NFL

So far I'm thankful for the Ravens red zone defense cos they should be 2 TDs down here. Piss poor effort first half offensively but only 5 points in it at the half. Will take that. #RavensFlock

Just saying Mark Andrews wouldn't have let the ball get knocked out of his hands at the half yard line. Mostly because he would have dropped it but you get the idea. #NFL #RavensFlock

Come on, where's this turkey then? Hurry up!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends. Our turkey is in the oven and drinks chilling in the fridge. Here's to a feast of food and booze 🍻🍗🥂

By the looks of him on The One Show, Peter Kay's final live shows next year might be Final in more than ways than one.

Tax the year-round fireworks fuckers

Having my first Philpotts Christmas sarnie since Covid. I regret to inform you, it's not what it was. And definitely not worth 6 and a half quid. A once mighty institution, now humbled, an economic bust and a shadow of its former self. Choose your own metaphor here

[bursts in panting covered in Sharpie]

Fucking well in Everton! That was boss that. Up the fuckin self-handicapping, teammate slapping Toffees!

Holding on by our fingertips here. COYB!

Gana absolutely was a dickhead there. But the game's gone soft as shite if that's a sending off and OH FUCK ME DEWSBURY HALL! GET IN!

The fucks just happened there? Absolutely bizarre

Who's Ric Flair's favourite film director? Yes it's John Woo No, you sod off!

What's your least favourite Christmas advert this year and why is it the Asda?

Can I buzz in? I think he means RFK will eat PUSSY out of ANY OTHER WOMAN THAN THE ONE HE'S WITH

Most of yous are asleep now but I have a genuine question. Those of you who are still actively on twitter/X and, importantly, it's not because of your livelihood/work. What do you get out of it? What would be your tipping point for sacking it off?

Dexter was fast asleep and I swear the second I pulled my phone out to take a pic he knew it. You be the judge

Hey, maybe thish Slot machine jusht paid out too early guys!

Been doing some Saturday Bon Jovis for work. Have I missed anything in the footy? 😜

Buying #Christmas cards or presents? Shop with small independents (like me) instead of the big high street names. www.gailmyerscough.co.uk Are you a small business? Reply with your link. Let's support each other this Christmas.

Trump's looking at Mamdani exactly like the South Park version of him looks at Satan. I have no idea what that means and be honest neither does anyone.

Made an experimental vegetarian risotto for me and the veggie wife tonight. Yes that is avocado in there. Come on then, give it to me!

What To Know About ‘Pluribus’ https://theonion.com/what-to-know-about-pluribus/

See what happens when I don't watch any of the cricket. England fans, I'm available to not watch any of the Ashes this winter for a reasonable price!

wanna hear a joke?

QS are purple Roses are blue We all agree though The toffee ones are poo

Bloody hell Mani's dead? What happened there?

I've never done this before but I have a family connection here. It's all on the level like and some decent prizes. If there's any way anyone fancies it and is able to spare some cash at this time of year, here's the link below. Cheers raffaly.co.uk/raffles/ente...

Read this if you want to be more depressed about the state of the nation. The brain worms have taken root it seems. I'm starting to think this internet lark hasn't worked out too well for us you know!