ChatGPT: you’re right you’re so much smarter than him. He’s so schlubby and you’re so suave. Columbo will never catch you.

what if i fucking kill you

Darth Vader said, "I'm altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further." Below, the amazing Cory Doctorow gives us ALL the info about how google is ENDING android as an open operating system on YOUR phone. Our Australian government needs to stop this! Thanks Senator Shoebridge! 🇭🇲🦘🤠 #auspol

This mf hasn't even studied the blade!

Bsky devs

You may be mad, you may be cruel You may've put your hot phone in a pool 🎶

If anyone's wondering what he's posting about ATM lol

Was wondering a couple of days ago if it's possible the big era of spite lists is over, I haven't been added to one for ages. Now there's the joy of everyone getting blocked by why and it's like, ahhh, renaissance.

*Annie Lennox voice*

This is also my way of saying: stop being little bitch-snobs about steak. Some people like them well-done and with ketchup. Their fucking choice.

Over 450 people and 10% of our target. Thank you so much to each and every one. With that amount we can already start on the first components for a fully independent app.

Woah I'm starting to get the impression that the Bluesky team are a bunch of unfuckable dorks who hate their userbase.

I remember when Gordon Brown got raked over the coals for privately shrugging off an anti-immigrant racist as "that bigoted woman" with every paper *including The Guardian* being all "oh no how very DARE he???" but I guess it's OK for Mahmood to tell pro-immigrant anti-racists to "fuck right off"

You'll only drive it underground.

What the fuck are you talking about?

They're saying it's the most unbiased poll question ever. echeloninsights.com/insights/apr...

Khajiit has wares if you have coin

‘Nothing Compares 2 Soups’

These people have worms for brains I swear.

"To put it bluntly, an X post today receives less than 3% of the views a single tweet delivered seven years ago." If you think it is necessary to be on Twitter to communicate your fact-based worldview, the reality is that worldview is being smothered.

Hi this joke is for me

Great news boss, this Mandelson stuff isn’t cutting through on the doorstep because they already think you’re a cunt

British people end sex by slapping their thighs, sighing, and saying "right"

Can't think of anything funny to say about this. Mahmood's repeated weaponisation of racism to defend her racist policies might be the most immoral thing a minister has done since Osborne's Philpott comments

This tweet is highly defamatory and Martina Navratilova should be fired from BBC Sport for it. It demonstrates an horrendous level of hatred for a trans woman (who was cleared of all wrongdoing in a recent tribunal) because she is a trans woman.

For those who missed it: this was the moment The Strokes ensured they’ll never be invited back to Coachella again! I'm so proud of them

How To Live A Good Life #oldknees

It's exactly the same film but Robert Downey Jr is wearing Dr Doom armour the whole time and no one mentions it. Scene one of Doomsday "So you're probably wondering why I was wearing Dr Doom armour the whole time we fought Thanos in an epic crossover event unlike any other..."

CN injury, someone talking about their dream So I had a dream where there were tiny fragments of glass embedded in my hand and I'm obsessing over the image and sensation of pulling them out of my thumb. Equal parts grotesque, satisfying and shiveringly uncomfortable.

David Cameron got that pig's head pregnant and thats where wes streeting came from

found out about the manga kuma gurashi which is like those ones where a manic pixie dream girl comes into a salaryman's life and starts doing all his domestic chores for him to heal his heart except in this one it's a realistically drawn bear and the salaryman is terrified on every single page

Mods asleep, post rare Pikachu

Just play it before the main picture.

Edinburgh:

Whose fault is all this? Not Beautiful Keir Starmer's!

VERY COOL PERSON: It's four-twenty, you know what that means? ME: Hell yeah! [starts shoving blackbirds into a pie]

Wanted to show you this post in English because it’s so good and we truly are a global village

My cousin Shawn took weed to impress a girl when we were teenagers and his asshole & penis switched places. All the doctors at the (real) Pitt threw up when they saw it. Be my guest and Get “high” if you want this to happen to you

Good to see Leicester near the top of the table, makes me proud of my roots.

Season THREE of Picard ended three years ago? Season THREE? THREE? Are we sure time is running at the correct speed, I'm requesting a check up for the whole of time, please.

A real danger here of institutions being required to do, by executive fiat, things they are bound by law to do the opposite of. In the face of a half-million-pound arbitrary, non-judicial "fine" if they don't.

Klaus McForkface, a lifting robot developed by German manufacturer Linde AG, performed a stunning 1200-kilogram (2646 lb) overhead lift in Hamburg, beating the human world record by more than 300%

the real university experience is having your horizons broadened by meeting people with different upbringings to yourself. your lecturers could never, imo