Spent the whole of WASTEMAN absolutely convinced I could fix Tom Blyth's character

The Finish Line is back for fans of the worst co-presenter banter you've ever heard in your life (complimentary)

Listening to the greatest hits of Roxette in the gym to drown out the screeching techno they insist on playing. Feeling very zen 🙏

is this good

he's already changed it back... bullying works 🙏

that clip of Penny Mordaunt trying to give it large about a woman's right to warmonger like a man and not even getting a smattering of applause in response is so fucking funny and cringe inducing, I'm obsessed with it. one of the absolute worst to ever do it - "it" being existing

God bless us all, this is all we need

Just opened Grindr at a brunch place in Brighton and the whole grid is here

Christ, even the Rob Zombie Halloween wasn't as bad a remake as all this

love getting a little email from a restaurant whose WiFi I've jumped on even though I've not actually been inside. like sure, I'll rate the experience but quick question: what's a "burger"?

in this former mining town, they know two things: Brexit means Brexit, and the Pahlavi dynasty (1925-1979) are the rightful rulers of Persia.

they'd need to sandblast me off this man

oop

Not even offering as much as the BNP did to ensure that the abject racism doesn't break Rachel's fiscal rules

Noncey Mace obsessing over people's bits again is it

Dominic Szoboszlai...

Yes... hahaha yes! Yes!

the strategy of doubling down and calling all of their voters mentalists and extremists going well then

Less than 2 months ago EU leaders were insisting on strategic independence from an increasingly aggressive US demanding territorial expansion in Greenland. Now, they're tripping over their heels to join that US in an illegal war of aggression and regime change. What weak cowards with short memories.

BREAKING: The NEC has sensationally BLOCKED Andy Burnham from standing to become the next Ayatollah

€2.09 for a *box* of something claiming to be wine, oh I'm not coming home

Gibraltar is a very strange, liminal place but I did make some friends

The thing with the Labour campaign is they spent the whole thing banging on about "unity not division" while pushing through policies designed to divide families and communities and attack vulnerable people for existing. They've got nothing but soundbites and people are done with it

126 is too old. Get that assisted dying bill passed and put yourselves down lads, it's over

The people of Gorton and Denton have voted overwhelmingly to give heroin to Sir Keir Starmer’s son, and I hope the prime minister will now do the decent thing.

In the wake of this result, it's time for everyone to join the war on drugs on the side of drugs

Couldn't be happier to see that meff Goodwin get his arse handed to him

just getting my "more like Matt Badloss" post ready in advance

annihilation. Incredible.

🗣️ Goodwin gets battered everywhere he goes

Zack and Hannah late to the declaration cos they've got a packet open, let's goooo

I get the impression that Lucy Powell thinks there's someone else in her house whenever she walks past a mirror

the people of manchester have spoken: britain demands trans rights and drug liberalisation

Has there ever been a by-election where turnout is *higher* than in the previous general election?

Hot take: Reform will come third and Labour will squeak it

if I was unfortunate enough to be his son I'd probably turn to heroin and crack cocaine too, so I can see why he's concerned

lol this is going to be absolute chaos

I'm on the tube home, sweating my entire life out and navigating a hangover from hell and a child keeps saying "six seven, six seven" next to me. I think I might die today.

I say "soup for my family" pretty much every time I make or buy soup

Imagine being such a centrist melt that you can't enjoy the events of today without saying something embarrassing like this

The queen we were all compelled to love and mourn paid £12million to keep this creep's victims quiet by the way. A crying shame she died before being made to answer for that.

Big problem with the BBC is its sheer credulity and lack of intellectual curiosity about stuff. It feels like it has lost the will to interrogate (with rare exceptions)

The whole point of progressive taxation is that it applies equally to everyone in a particular wage bracket. A tax on those who didn't have wealthy parents and avoided by those who did is the exact opposite of "progressive"

Apparently I can't spend my wellbeing allowance at work on a bottle of whisky and a pack of ciggies

Sticking it in a time slot when people were expecting to tune in for Deal or No Deal probably didn't help...

Wrote a little overview of the nominations for this year's Critics' Circle Theatre Awards and who I want to / think will win each award

We are at an airport restaurant. A robot just drove up to us with our food, said, "Hi! Here I am!" and then drove away with our food.

Wrote a little overview of the nominations for this year's Critics' Circle Theatre Awards and who I want to / think will win each award

Louis Rees-Zammit needs to know I am free on Thursday and any other day

Curtis Jones you sexy bastard