Fight me.

Radio 4 stand-up comedy recordings, around the country in Jan/Feb; tickets are free! Hosted by the brilliant @angelabarnes.bsky.social, all details here:

An important addendum to "look for the helpers" is "and then join them."

It's been a rough old few days for horrible news. I like to follow Mr Rogers' advice to look for the helpers. What nice thing has someone done for you, either recently or in the past?

The cultural impact of Rob Reiner cannot be understated. Legend isn't big enough a word. It goes to 11. You can't handle the truth. As you wish. I'll have what she's having. I'm your number one fan. You guys wanna see a dead body? The very idea of a bucket list. The West Wing. All from his movies.

One day I will wait until my cheese and broccoli Pasta N Sauce pot is no longer the temperature of the surface of the sun before I eat it and burn off all my taste buds *again* but today is not that day.

Reading through comments on a draft, and much as you know I love a good compound noun, my favourite German words are "passt" and "gut so". Even better when they are complete sentences.

Baby: More Hop Hop Me: No, I have sung Hop Little Rabbits fourteen times this morning. Baby: MORE HOP HOP Me: It's just not reasonable to expect a person to sing a song that many times. Mr Zoe wandering past with a grin and singing under his breath: 🎶 How long... 🎶 Me: 😡That's different.

FINALLY after 4 years, I have managed to get the German Ministry of Education to approve a reference to a trans person in a textbook 🙌 And it's not a story about her being trans but about all the other cool stuff she does, while happening to be trans. Representation matters.

Oof, just checked my spreadsheet and this year I have read just over half the number of books I usually do. It's been a tough one and I have been SO tired but it feels weird that I read more books last year when I had a newborn.

I used to flick through John Lewis wedding lists to find something cheap until they locked them down. I'd buy them something like a single saucer and say something like "from all your friends at the Boyzone Fan Club." I hope hope they found it as baffling as I found it funny.

ACAB includes Elf On The Shelf

Rob Reiner: I'm going to make a coming of age drama, a fantasy adventure story, a romantic comedy, a psychological horror and then a courtroom drama. Us: Across your entire career? Reiner: In a 6 year period. Us: That sounds- Reiner: -Each one will be arguably the best movie in that genre.

This entire weekend

Rob Reiner was one of the key people behind the effort to go to court to overturn California's anti-marriage equality Proposition 8 when it passed in 2008. Working with Chad Griffin, they founded the American Foundation for Equal Rights and got Ted Olson and David Boies to team up to fight Prop 8.

I'm joining a team of parents to dress up as elves and surprise the kids at their school Christmas dinner next week. We've been asked to caper about and tell jokes and someone said, "Oh you're a comedian, you can do that." Not sure my Cornish Pasty Hot material will go down well with Y2 but OK.

Can't wait for Robin Ince to get as many column inches in the national press over his actual establishment silencing due to his stance on lgbt+ rights as phobes get over their former friends not wanting to hang out so much any more

It is awful that Robin Ince was put in this position and I admire him for his integrity. If his views are extreme, then all of us who are trans allies are extremists too.

Woke up feeling like something was missing. Well, there's only one thing for it.

So much love and respect to @thehornesection.bsky.social and @alexhorne.bsky.social for not only an incredible achievement but also remaining so amazingly good-natured despite the chaos. You deserve many, many high fives from my daughter, the escape artist baby! Sleep well tonight!

Even Greg on bongos won't placate me, Channel 4.

WHAT ARE THEY DOING? THEY ARE THERE AND WAITING OUTSIDE!!! STOP FILLING TIME CHANNEL 4!

They could have WALKED to the studio by now. It took me less time to get home and I live 40 miles away. Poor boys. #howlongathon

Alex Horne suddenly standing up and going, "Wait... THIS is the bad place!" #howlongathon #channel4letthemsleep

GIVE ALEX A STREPSIL PLEASE

If Channel 4 have ballsed up the schedule and logistics so badly that they are making those poor boys sing for another fucking hour, I am furious. Willip is broken. Alex has no voice (yet is somehow still polite and sweet). LET THEM SLEEP

Harry Hill singing Hare Krishna has absolutely killed me 😂 #howlongathon

Ha, Alex asked another child for a high five and immediately got one. It's just my child who is stingy with them. #howlongathon

Me rocking the baby to sleep this evening with my eyes closed, foaming slightly at the mouth as I sing: "Well your friends with their fancy persuasion..."

Glad I got to see @watsoncomedian.bsky.social singing in German - sehr gut gemacht!

Oh, Alex. 😂

I'm enjoying how often the Taskmaster Advent Calendar makes me swear at Alex Horne, the crafty bugger.

Well, I know what I'm doing tomorrow during the baby's nap. Always appreciate the opportunity to crack out my various American accents. "Yes, ma'am, they're all in the stable, and a bunch of shepherds turned up to visit- yeah, you heard right, shepherds. It all looks sketchy to me."

I showed this story to Mr Zoe. Me: I bet I know what half the people are using those 75 min slots for, hur hur! Mr Zoe: Oh yeah! A lunchtime nap! Me: ...yes. Yes, that is definitely what I meant.

Over 80% of the Christmas cards my 6yo has received from boys in her class were written by their mums. Almost none of the ones from girls were. Why are we priming them for weaponised incompetence so young (or at all, of course)? They can write their own damn cards to their classmates.

medusa: *walks onto her flight* samuel l. jackson: not this shit again

Heads-up to anyone who got a measles vaccine as a child: You can get a titer test to make sure you still have immunity! My doctor suggested this a few months ago, and I needed another shot. Vaccines are good!

I think ~ Swinton is underrated.

For those who don’t know, Charlie Brooker creator of Black Mirror et al designed this logo for Computer Exchange when he worked for them in the 90s. I believe he was paid £1,000 and they haven’t updated it since

The good news: we introduced the Taskmaster game Wibble Bibble Bam to the 6yo and she loves it. The bad news: she is utterly unbeatable at it and keeps trying to add increasingly complex rules, which her sleep-deprived parents cannot keep up with.

somebody got upset with me on here once because they thought I was mocking these houses so to be explicitly clear: no, I am being sincere, I LOVE when people give their houses lived and loved character. it doesn’t have to be my taste or style! I love the passion

Good Lord

Fellas, is it gay to use a sans serif font

One of the many reasons AI can't produce good writing is it can't hate its own writing. It can't think to itself "Maybe I'm illiterate" during the writing process. And that's essential

Well, turns out all I want for Christmas is Richard Coyle's Vimes voice in the later Discworld audiobooks. Crikey 😳

[At parents' house and uses the tap to fill the kettle] Mum [from living room]: "don't use that, that's the christmas water"

Just heard a throwaway line in a video by a mum songwriter I love, which has quite possibly rewired my whole brain: "Everything in my life lately has asked me to soften and it makes sense that my body might want to soften too" Yes. Yes, that's it.

"Ooh, Copilot is down, does anyone have any advice?" Yes! Think! With your brain! If you don't know something, research it and learn! Grow as a human! Communicate with people using *your* words!!!

"My fiancé (24M) left me for my best friend (25F) on our wedding day so I told my boss (MM62) and her boss (WWOO65) to spread a rumour that my best friend's sister (22F) was in danger but then they ACTUALLY DROPPED A HOUSE on the sister instead. AITA?"