TLC arre currently airing a bunch of American sitcoms and, aptly, there's no Scrubs.

I drove 7yo and her best friend home today and I pretended not to be listening but they had the most wonderful, wholesome conversation about people they'd read about in Rebel Girls. They breathlessly told each other about Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great & Beatrice Vio, then (1/2)

I'm working from a co-working office today and the radio has just played How Long? followed by Money's Too Tight To Mention. It's a Hornetastic day for me.

Pretty sure Wuthering Heights would be getting a lot better reviews if they’d used my theme tune that I sent them. Yes, I know I’m just singing Wuthering Heights to the tune of Blankety Blank but it’s catchy as fuck and will let everyone know they’re in for a good time at the flicks.

If you're a UK Dual National and DON'T have a British passport, beware! New, stupid rules coming in soon which means you have to have one www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

I know my tradition is to share the Danny John-Jules song on Pancake Day but I think this year we need a bit of @thehornesection.bsky.social and beautiful Joe doing some proper Emoting in the kitchen. youtu.be/7zq1mp8vx3E?...

Everyone who took part in The Company: *siiiiiigh*

No, actually, I would not like.

When you see the sign in a café that says, "99% of our coffee is ethically sourced", I know it's just covering themselves but I can't help reading it as, "and for the last 1%, we punched an Ethiopian farmer in the face and mugged him".

Wait, what?

Fellow language nerds, you will *love* this thread.

Roses are red Violets are grue In Ancient Egyptian, Pashto, and Zulu en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue%E2...

To anyone who doesn't get on with Valentine's Day, today is also the 19th anniversary of my mum's heart transplant. So when you see hearts everywhere, think of them as tribute to my lovely, funny, kind, rainbow-haired, air-guitar-playing mum. I am forever grateful to the NHS and Papworth Hospital.

The talk to your friends app and the witness the horrors app being the same app is not great for the mental health is it

This was a lot of fun to be part of, and the postman had enough comic timing to knock at the door while I was still in full Stevie getup. Props to @lionsroar.bsky.social and @octopody.bsky.social for their amazing work in putting this together.

Happy birthday @watsoncomedian.bsky.social ! Enjoy your day of half your notifications being wholesome birthday wishes and the other half being late-to-the-party people telling you in a specific number of syllables that they're horny.

Captain von Thirst-Trapp. Is that anything?

how bad do you have to fuck up to allow an exploit in fucking NOTEPAD

I haven't been this simultaneously delighted and angry since I saw a panto with a convoluted scene involving German potwasher twins, a cowardly French chef and some unusual seafood that culminated in the cast singing, "Hans that do dishes will be as soft as Gervais with lime green hairy lip squids".

With Cruttenden pulling out of the comedy show tonight, Widdecombe and Conaty will be doing extended sets. Which just goes to prove... Josh and Roisin gig longer with Hal gone.

This is actually quite brilliant, up to and including the final sentence 🔥

A dresser inside a museum in New York City has been discovered as a secret stop on the Underground Railroad — the first of its kind discovered in Manhattan in over 100 years

I'm from rural Suffolk. I see nothing unusual here.

Something compelled me to make this

So did video ever get brought in on murder charges? Is there any justice for the radio star? Did video just get away with it?

I'm convinced AI is our generation's radium - a discovery with genuinely useful applications in specific, controlled circumstances that we stupidly put in everything from kid's toys to toothpaste until we realised the harm far too late where future generations will ask if we were out of our minds.

Just because good news is worth celebrating: There is now a Prep medication that is an *every six month* injection. HIV has, effectively, a vaccination.

Without naming your job, tell me something you say over and over again at work. "Yes I know, but unfortunately it's in the Lehrplan for Nordrhein-Westfalen so 🤷‍♀️"

But… but is there *ANY* way this could be a woman’s fault…?

Just a slob like one of us

There's something utterly heartbreaking about hearing Shakespeare (et al) write words pleading for us to recognize that the stranger among us is human, and that we should imagine ourselves suffering as they do... ... and to realize that, for at least 400 years, we've not gotten this right.

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a baby, telling her to go the fuck to sleep.

Saying "here comes trouble" and "they'll let anyone in here" when your mate walks into the pub.

Loot that drops after defeating me: - 57 ancient receipts that I'm keeping in case I somehow need them one day - a packet of Jaffa Cakes - three pens that have leaked in my pocket - enough long hairs to knit into a cardigan - a Discworld book - 14 half-finished crosstitch projects (legendary drop)

Groundhog Day Meaning xkcd.com/3202/

If I were a baby who was tired but warm, full and in my cosy bed, I would simply go to sleep. But that's just me; I'm weird like that.

I got in SO MUCH trouble for this hugely viral tweet back in 2018 (from MAGA types mostly) but I stand by it (and in fact at the time the Auschwitz Museum defended me when people yelled at me that Auschwitz was a “death camp” not a concentration camp). My DENTIST congratulated me for this one

A family member who clearly hates me bought my baby this steering wheel which has various noises but NO OFF SWITCH 😱 so it currently lives in my wardrobe. Last night, it kept going off by itself with this creepy laugh. I need to get rid of either the toy or the house, or possibly both.

Dem leadership: changing this is a difficult process, you fool. You rube. You utter infant. Give us between $5 and $50 Mamdani, wiping grease off his hands: So it turns out there's a switch on this machine that puts it into either orphan-shredding mode or free school lunch mode. Just had to flip it

🎶 Met this girl on Monday, Took her for a drink on Monday, We were making love by Monday, And on Monday and Monday... - Plot of Groundhog Day.

Idk if trans kids these days know this but back in my day you could just walk into a RadioShack and walk out with one of these puppies

I'll be honest, if you asked me to name a post of mine that got zero reaction, I would not have gone for the one asking a bunch of comedy nerds (positive) for comedy recommendations but there we go.

Unfortunately this doesn't work with Taskmaster because it's generally 'all of them'.

I'm looking for short comedy routines about British identity or British history. It's for a textbook so ideally easy on the swearing. And someone I have at least a chance they might agree to licence it. I'm just cursing the fact Mark generally avoids political material.

I feel like if Escape Room Zoe and Feral Greg Fan Zoe were to meet, it would be a deadly combination. Still, take my money.

lol what

SCHOOLS! Here are fifteen books. I'm giving them away. If you're a UK school and would like them, let me know. I'll pick one of you this evening. You can share it too, if you like. Ta.

I mean, when you look closely at who it's from, it doesn't sound like *great* news exactly.

*strolls out of Waterstones with an armful of books I haven't paid for* It's cool, I'm using them to train my LLM* *brain