Hey now, that's not entirely true, they took victory laps sometimes. Remember this?

First they WANT the slop, now they DON'T want the slop, make up your fuckin minds already

The t-virus well, we've heard from our friends at umbrella it's got results. It's good, what they've put into us. It might seem not good, with the rotting flesh, but that's, they told me that's temporary, it's going down. It's not so bad. You get a little itchy, a little tasty

concept: the infamous Male-to-Male “Suicide Cable”, but instead of a NEMA 5-15 plug at both ends it has fleshlights Adult stores post warnings strongly advising against using or making one 2 drunken frat bros eagerly fuck one they found on Alibaba, and die months later from pregnancy complications

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - Word on the street is you went around the local hostel telling people that you're a police officer and that it would be *really* fucked up if you shot yourself in the head right in front of them. That's pretty high concept, if you ask me.

Gonna start texting my landlord with "sorry, I got raptured" and see if I can get out of paying rent

Me when I get bottom surgery

@adamsandler has been banned for posting "fuck me in the goat ass"

in a surprise twist, i'll be hosting a late night show and kimmel will be writing comics. he's fine with it. he says i'll play better in the mainstream anyway.

So, like, she was just lying during her campaign? Calculated that appearing in lockstep with Biden was more important than demonstrably-vital voter blocs? Too demure? What's the takeaway supposed to be, here!

Keep canceling, it'll be really funny

Anime Sickos Podcast

Customer: (not on record) DMV: NUT Verdict: DENIED

Idea Guys with Money meet Idea Guys with No Money but loud opinions they shout from anime pfps for the low low price of $1500

People get upset when you say that Democrats don't want to win, but it's hard to explain this any other way. They had a member of Trump's team, a month before the election, taking pay for play and just... sat on it.

my "wall of guys" theory stands undefeated. between any powerful white man and actual legal consequences there will be dozens upon dozens of assorted guys. those that aren't outright corrupt are institutionalists queasy at the thought of consequences for an elite. a few drag their feet and it's over

Reborn as a Toaster, I Still Debate College Students

Now that I can actually post again, I figured I'd loop back to this. According to...I can't remember if it was itch themselves or just someone else who uses it, once you've gotten your first payment cleared, other payments should come faster. Anyway my second payout took 23 days to fulfill this time

Through repeated trial and error, I've come to the conclusion that 3000 followers is when social media platforms start suspending you for real stupid, fussy baby shit

Joining Mastodon is easy! You just find an instance (not that one, not that one, not that one) and then you set up your farble to interact with the jibcrank but be sure to hide your content automatically behind a yuwving or you'll be in violation of the instances TOS and can be banned.

Wow! Shocking!! Someone who just three years ago abandoned his progressive colleagues and voted for more police funding. bsky.app/profile/mona...

disney swinging the other way and launching a "fuck that dead bitch" special

Consultants are going to start suggesting Democrats molest a few kids to get them in with Republican voters.

It’s been like 24 hours and I still can’t read this paragraph without bursting into laughter

Damn, you mean to tell me endlessly shoveling billions and billions of dollars at cops despite them being known to be a right-wing domestic army of murderers, racists, and rapists DIDN'T pan out well for democracy and the rule of law?

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Sitting down to make a tiefling warlock, pulling out the Big Book of Tiefling Tropes and staring at it for 16 hours before crossing out "big ol tonghongerekoogers" and writing "regular dobonhonkeros" next to it,

Fucking incredible to lose to a sundowning racist gameshow host, one of the most humiliating political defeats in American history, and then put out a book like "no no no, you guys got it all wrong, I hate trans people too!"

bluesky has a right not to have pictures of adults having hot cnc sex. gotta reserve the garmonbozia. every minute, stories about dead children and pictures of dead children and people who kill children bragging about how good they are for killing those children. wouldn't do for them not to land

The tech industry hates consent. It's disobedience. It's built into the UIs. "Yes," or "ask me later." You can't describe "no" in your art, and they don'tet you click "no." A deregulated industry treating society as a casting couch. They ally with the religious right for a reason.

I'm trying not to post all my most unhelpful observations, but it's very funny to watch libs post shit like "You wouldn't vote for Democrats, now look what you get" while Democrats are voting in a day of remembrance for a dead nazi podcaster

So indicative that they stipulate "synthetic" rape or whatever else they don't want us to discuss or broach, but not broad policies against LLMs/AI media generation, which is inherently nonconsensual, and harvested from real people and real art.

*sees weird gays draw sexually charged violence on their ipads* You Bitch Mother Fucker *sees that the President of the United States is a well-known child molester* Wlel, that's his beliefs and I respect that

Kinda funny how Iran was like damn we can’t even retaliate for them murdering our national hero because they have none. Turns out they could have just picked any one of the five million racist YouTubers we got

GETTING MY SHIT JERKED STUPID STYLE UNDER THE TABLE AT THE MANDATORY "BIG HEAD TINY FACE DIPSHIT SITTING AT A TABLE" STATUE INSTALLED IN ITS OWN SPECIAL PLAZA AT EVERY OKLAHOMA UNIVERSITY

On the subject of recent legislation and Dems voting yes...if the argument here is "the Dems have to vote yes because they're afraid for their lives, like what happened in Minnesota," then you understand that's it, right? If the only possible answer is to capitulate, then that's game over

doctor’s notes from my appointment earlier today: “seemed fatter and sadder. oh well, not my pig, not my farm.”

What did I say?

Watching the cycle of talks on TTRPGs we had last week in Buenos Aires, and this guy is going HARD on maximalist design like you wouldn't believe lmao If you know Spanish: www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrU1...

shoutout to that one time a few years ago when I had a dream I was scrolling twitter and saw a lot of fuss being made about "the first sponsored wojak" and it was sponsored by carls junior and looked like this

Trying not to spam my KS too much but we're so close to an important milestone: 69 backers

on the bright side at least charlie kirk is still dead