guy in 3000 bc: remember when tools were made of stone 🪨 now every thing is bronze 😡 we used to live in cave ⛰️ now we sleep in hut 😪 instead of hunting ox 🐮 we make them pull plow 🌾 who else wish we could go back 😩

finally people are speaking out as -don’t-want-to-watch-videos-Americans

You can’t make me know about someone named “Brilyn Hollyhand.” Do not say “Brilyn Hollyhand” to me

One day the "Judeo" in the old "Judeo Christian Values" ain't there anymore and some kid with a lapel pin that references a very specific religion that is not yours is "just asking questions" about whether your family tree and weekend candle habits are compatible with a Healthy American Society.

DON'T LOVE IT

absolutely incredible things are happening. someone should write a poem about it

starting to think that an increasingly senile trump is being shown a different reality by his aides by making ai videos of shit and telling him it’s real news

My life insurance contract says I have to get hooked up to one of those Chinese jerk off machines oh no

"I don’t understand how being rich can make someone such a whore...you might as well do commercials for Lockheed Martin or Zyklon B"

Marshall: For the Democrats to sit there and blame Republicans for the plight of rural hospitals is just so wrong. Collins: But couldn't the president just say these demands are ridiculous and not post a video with Hakeem Jeffries wearing a sombrero?

Yes but it is very funny

Why is Hakeem Jeffries wearing a sombrero. What is going on.

This is either completely made up or it’s Fetterman. Both equally plausible.

Now, call me an amateur, but I think that’s actually exactly how negotiations function. In fact, you might say that’s exactly what a negotiation is.

I love the people who think there won't be a backlash to this because that wouldn't be fair to poor data center owners :(

You know, I can actually understand people who make opposition to abortion the center of their lives. if you truly believe it’s the killing of a human person, I can see how the cause could consume you. I do not understand being consumed by hating trans people.

i am firmly on the prefer to read the article side of this divide tbh

Broke: His last name predicted this Woke: His first name predestined it

this is peak athletic performance

Buying a company by taking out a massive loan, then making the company you bought responsible for paying off that loan, is so patently evil that it should be beyond illegal. The kind of thing that inspires enlightened societies without corporal punishment to bring back the death penalty as a one-off

why isn’t this the party line across the board

Same as it ever was.

Yet again, a post goes viral and I get DMs from people going "I had you blocked, but I've never interacted with you? How is that possible?" people stop using insane block lists, they are universally made by people enacting petty grievances lol. Any sane person does not do that much work.

@barackobama.bsky.social Barack obamna!

Eric Adams dropped out in the funniest possible way, already polling in single digits, too late to get his name off the ballot and without endorsing another candidate. Basically no difference from if he were actually still campaigning!

Dude I’m sorry but this is not something you should be able to professionally survive if your job is predicting election results. This is like if a basketball player put the basketball under their jersey and pretended to be pregnant instead of passing and shooting.

he's got the nuclear codes! those are real things that actually exist! he retweeted a fake ai video of himself announcing that he was rolling out magic medbeds across america!

THE MEME IS REAL

bernie would have won if he posted hog

Bad Bunny should call Drake a pedophile too

I just tried doing this (with “Yakety Sax”), but can’t figure out how to upload it so the sound works.

your tax dollars at work

So far today, Chuck Schumer has said his strategy for preventing Trump sending troops into blue cities is to win over Republican senators (!) while Hakeem Jeffries praised Eric Adams's courage and authenticity (!!) while refusing to endorse Mamdani. Again. These two gotta go.

"out of the three mass shootings today,"

reporter: donald trump has announced that americans must evolve into a race of hardy metal men via mandated injections of liquid mercury. your response? klobuchar: *visibly straining to remember line consultants came up with* donkey kong donald’s economic policies are “bananas” for small business

Again, the man with the single greatest access to real and true information in the history of the world

Credit where it's due: Hakeem Jeffries asked him to focus on health care and it worked

'out of the three mass shootings today'

“Why are you blaming democrats for the actions of republicans” Republicans are the fire, there’s nothing to be gained in trying to reason with them. I am blaming the firefighters who are scared of getting wet.

I have lived and worked in and around Chicago for 27 years and I have been assaulted less often than Sen Paul has been in his own back yard.

But hey we can’t forget: left-wing violence is on the rise!

Goodbye old age!

Trump and his billionaire donors might be able to determine Adams and Cuomo’s actions. But they won't decide this election. In just over 5 weeks, we'll turn the page on the politics of big money and small ideas — and deliver a government every New Yorker can be proud of.

no matter who we're up against, there's no stopping this movement. together, we can win an affordable new york where we can all take a seat at the table of success. hit the link in the next tweet and then hit the pavement with us

i don’t think he was supposed to post this. this is a company lobbying for medical cannabis, specifically for medicare coverage of it, and i think they made a whole commercial for an audience of one. “YOU will…” “cementing YOUR legacy,” millions will thank you… this was just for trump

nooooooooooo, he never got to eat that leprechaun @brendelbored.bsky.social

Grok told users the lead singer of The Cure was the Mormon church shooter.

Periodic reminder that politicians are the people's employees. A campaign is a job interview in which the politician makes the case for why they should be allowed to work for you.