Saved by a gas station hot dog

I'm in the crockpot slow thinking

You don't need Love You can Put lotion on Your legs With Your own Feet (kind of)

doomscrolling has never felt so doomy

Maybe the worms will shed the tears I couldn't

thats it im deploying my secret weapon (crying)

bog witch please put me in your boiling cauldron, im cold

. ˚ ᰔ ๑ï . ۫ ᢉ𐭩 . You’ve been visited by the snail of hope. Keep it going so it visits everyone during these scary times we’re in.

. ˚ ᰔ ๑ï . ۫ ᢉ𐭩 . You’ve been visited by the snail of hope. Keep it going so it visits everyone during these scary times we’re in.

I want a lox bagel even though I’ve never had one before. I just know that bitch would be so damn good.

I just learned that kissing is banned in UFC. What even is the point of it, then?

*wraps crime scene tape around america*

My bucket list is short. It has one item. Jacob Elordi’s fingers in my mouth (sexual).

Almost time to slip into something more comfortable. A dissociation coma.

i'll be a good girl in hell, for now i'll just be a fucking menace. 🤌

Tool - Third Eye youtu.be/51fcG3sxvII?...

I just braved Walmart for chicken nuggies amid the college students returning and an impending winter storm, please clap.

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

I'm stuck in the middle with you… cats

I imagine things might have been different for Elizabeth Bathory if she’d have just bathed in a tub full of creamed corn instead.

Winter storm or no, don’t you dare touch my fan.

I’m not having a manic episode, I just have the zoomies.

Me and who?

Ruin a first date: Hey! You ever seen a Blue Waffle?

Ruin a first date: "Hi, I'm Matt."

Just realized my boxed wine is empty. This is how trust issues are formed

Pussy taste like gummy sharks and gabapentin

I post for the holy ghost

Unlike the snow storm. I always guarantee two inches...

sorry i can’t date until the curse is lifted

Distance makes the heart grow tentacles.

hey girl, are you the swamp of sadness? (cause you ate my fucking horse again)

she died doing what she loved: trying to pet something that she shouldn’t

It's pretty cold out, but I'm gonna have to feel a few more witches tits just to be sure.

I sleep with the fan on full blast so my intrusive thoughts get blown right out of the room.

People don't make their soup in a cauldron over an open fire under a full moon with the sound of wolves in the distance anymore, and honestly, I think that’s a shame.

they don’t let me out of the house much

A love so feral the village elders get involved

love a wild woman who lives deep in the woods and is rumored to eat children

I wish the goblin king would come and take me away.... .......... right now.

*threateningly* I hope you like Hot Pockets™.

Bewildering the elders in the staff lounge

honestly disappearing into the woods like an old witch in a fantasy novel is looking more and more appealing every day