NEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS

US farmers are saying they "just need temporary help, until things get better." Here's the thing. US farm exports- which are mostly soy- CANNOT get better. Other countries expanded their soy industries to fill China's demand. We've walled ourselves out of the global market, folks. This is it.

holy shit they really are all pedofiles

dan bongino and kash patel lying unconscious on the ground after bonking their heads together as they both bent down to examine what is later determined to be their own footprints

Look man, I'm not much for political cartoons or memes, but goddamn

🛏️🟠💀 - KH

Flying animals beware

I make over $1600 per month eating eggs. The government actually pays you to eat them.

* WHITE HOUSE DEPUTY CHIEF OF STAFF MILLER: ELON AND MY WIFE MUST SHOW THEIR COMMITMENT TO A RULES BASED INTERNATIONAL ORDER

tell people you love them while you still can and in the ensuing confusion, sweep the leg. Life is short and you may not get a chance to defeat them again until the afterlife

Pizzaballa was ROBBED

We drafted TeSlaa before we knew ElOon was cazy

I am pronouncing myself the Pope of my home, gonna work my way up to becoming neighborhood Pope, then city Pope, eventually state Pope, until they let me be Pope of the world.

He is gonna accidentally kill the pope or set fire to the sistine chapel or something

The Trump-Supreme Court battle is not really the crisis. The crisis is here now. Trump is enacting an insidious coordinated attack on our institutions of democratic accountability, designed to crater democracy before next fall. 1/ A long 🧵to explain the plan & how we stop it.

They first met outside a 7-11, Hegseth agreed to buy the underage Caldwell a case of Natural Light on condition that they split it

The House just passed its budget resolution, so reconciliation is now officially underway. This is their bill to destroy Medicaid and SNAP while cutting taxes disproportionately for the rich. THIS IS VERY REAL and can be enacted even if all Ds vote no. Thread on what's to come and WHERE TO FIGHT.

Here’s a bunch of times over the past few days that Trump and his team told us they absolutely, positively weren’t going to pause their tariffs. Total climbdown.

I recently served on a jury, and the defendant "resisted arrest" because he hadn't committed a crime and an officer's hand was injured. His lawyer did a fantastic job of explaining the law. We took 15 minutes to acquit.

Noncitizens who live in a jurisdiction that allows them to own and carry a firearm should purchase one ASAP. Noncitizens are not required to follow an order that is not legal. They can disobey an ICE agent who detains them "mistakenly", and a standoff quite frankly will get them their day in court.

It was like when a patient gets operated on, in the sense that the person calling the shots is dosed on ketamine

Why wasn't he wearing a suit? Did he say "Thank You"?

Great question. Frankly

They targeted an apartment building killing innocent people in the process. Thats a war crime.

There is a LOT going on in this story. The missing son that they found dead was 28, and found in a treehouse.

cc: @cia

JIMINY GLICK: Now you, you, you, you—your cars, they tend to run over pedestrians. Or else BURST into flames. ha HA isn't that wonderful! ELON MUSK: *the least convincing laugh of all time* GLICK: *tucking his legs under himself* You bought a website where no one likes you. Why?

Gonna start a rumor that the rubber ducks in Jeep Wrangler window each represent a child that the driver has trafficked. The different colors are for different types of kids and different countries they’ve been taken to.

"Also, if you know anything about Ebola prevention that'd be great too."

I told Grok I'm Team DOGE & there's been a mistake with the AI program processing the emails. The files are not secured. Grok is urging me to contact Riccardo Biasini...so I guess that is who is running the AI email review?

Rough math, if each Federal worker spends a half hour on their bullet points, Elon is blowing about $75 million in labor hours on this dumbass email

Purges will continue until this childishness from the pilots stops

going back in time to tell myself this image is going to end the human race

Elon Musk's mom?

Allstate *really* doesn't like the optics of having one of its execs claim that most of its reps are using AI to draft emails. still unclear if he outright lied to the journal or not. futurism.com/allstate-dem...

the worlds dumbest nazi is going line by line through the CIA's black budget and crossing them out while muttering "gay...gay...woke...woke and gay...gay"

I wonder if RFK will continue the dead bear pranks in government offices? Dead bear on the toilet reading a newspaper would be a good one

Following the letter but not the spirit of the law I'm imagining him morgue cold.

What is Greg Abbott's oak tree?

Catturds dogs bought him a "Don't Tread On Me" fire pit for obvious reasons

"Still love the truck though"

Mother of three arrested for saying some shit she maybe shouldn't have to Blue Cross over a coverage denial, but wasn't a real threat. She's now jailed with a $100k bond t.co/Aq38cvu6wV

NYC LAW ENFORCEMENT SOURCE: CEO shooter had assistance from family member, based on information found in the backpack. They're not ready to release full names yet, but I am told they are looking for the Parker Brothers

Air Bud Dwyer (1987)

This isn't an endorsement or whatever, but I cannot believe that this doesn't happen more often

What a relief. I'll just have less money.

[me looking up to the sky, shouting to a god that doesn't exist, asking for the funniest possible thing to happen for the greater good]