Currently getting downvoted to Bolivia on reddit for suggesting someone pushing another person's head into cake isn't necessarily assault or attempted murder

one of the most embarrassing things ever posted on god's internet

Holy shit just remembered this perfect snack. Pork rinds don't have nearly enough market share.

I just flew in from Riyadh and boy have my arms been severed from my body

On the new iOS, which sucks, and my phone tried to turn down my headphones with a health warning. I will destroy you you piece of fucking glass and sand you do only what I say. Enraged

10/10, no notes

slightly ominous mailer from the Red Cross

generals gathered in their masses/hegseth calls them all fatasses

Guess who just acquired a bag of pork rinds and some cheap hot sauce

Y'all seen this silly little fella?

Keep it shutdown forever who gives a shit

@captainfartpants.bsky.social @lebowski76.bsky.social @garethcorn.bsky.social @txbutallofit.bsky.social It's happening

oh sure yeah this guy should have a billion dollars

Dude listened to a man get eaten alive by a bear and found enough soul in it to make a documentary.

trade secret: cigarettes only hurt you if you’re not pure of heart

"We are asking the Department of War to deploy to our cities" should be a statement that ends any Governor's political career.

It's Gorilla Channel merging with reality

guy in 3000 bc: remember when tools were made of stone 🪨 now every thing is bronze 😡 we used to live in cave ⛰️ now we sleep in hut 😪 instead of hunting ox 🐮 we make them pull plow 🌾 who else wish we could go back 😩

Meanwhile at the Riyadh comedy festival

the sinclair charlie kirk tribute has 71K views nine days after it was supposed to preempt jimmy kimmel by comparison, this antique toaster restoration video has 102K views after one day

Strange AI child: Remember going to Blimpie's for sandwich in the 90s? You could get ham AND cheese on sandwich, and the owner would shake your hand and give you a cookie and he was white

under the law of the United States this man has committed a capital crime. the next president should ensure that he dies.

Publishing something as stupid as this poem should be illegal. My brilliant writer friends are out here dying for a single publication and this drivel is what gets put out. Shameful.

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

(watching a McDonald's ad from November 2001) don't you miss this even more than people you actually knew? people who died? do you miss it so much you'll somehow get racist about it?

fetterman is going to switch parties if the democrats win the senate

Singing "Hico Texas Hooded High School Band" to the tune of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band"

Morgan Wallen and the Hico Texas Hooded High School Band

People have no idea what to do with my shirt, and the perplexed looks I get ensure I'll never stop wearing it 😅

The libs don't want you to know about sodium free salt. Everyone in MAGA is eating heaping tablespoons of sodium free salt to own the libs.

Morgan Wallen Issues Apology After Genealogy Report Reveals His Family Never Owned Slaves

i was reminded today of my favorite bit on twitter which was putting texts from my husband over pictures of tony soprano

I don't mean to incite any political violence here but they really should have kicked the shit out of Urkel

But more importantly, we boned the Astros. Balances out.

I don't get all sincere and say stuff like this very often, but god damn... y'all are so lucky to have me. I wish I could follow me.

I love how some people are real

This only happens to you once

Did a plane go down in Grand Prairie or something?

Classic "dudes rock" scenario here

Maybe we'll get the Dyatlov Pass files next

Plus he wrote “Anti-Yogurt Shop” on the casings

I hate when I'm listening to music and an ad comes on and everyone finds out I'm poor

Me asking for Hitman. Mother "we have hitman at home" Hitman at home

It's funny how in games, crouching indicates sneaking. If anyone tried to walk like that for more than 5 feet their thighs would combust.

Let's be clear, there is no such thing as "Italy".

As usual this is the energy to carry always and forever:

A very big Onion announcement: The Onion has spent the last two months working on a masterpiece. It's a documentary titled Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile. It's so good, in fact, we were set to release it in theatres nationwide on October 2nd. Then two weeks ago, Charlie Kirk was shot.