Getting flagged at security because one of my nerd children had a protractor in her bag.

14yo figured out a great way to keep her little sister busy with I Spy. It only works once. But you I spy with my little eye the other player’s eye colour. Truly genius. They never find it.

I just found out there is a BEAUTIFUL senior cat named MRS. DOUBTFIRE up for adoption in Centre County, Pennsylvania! So, of course, I had to spread the word. If you’re in Central Pennsylvania, please help this elegant lady find a home! centrecountypaws.org/cats/adopt

-4c is the perfect temperature when you are a woman of a particular age who is now prone to overheating. Had to go out for last minute trip stuff. Light jacket. Didn’t need to turn the heat on in the car. Pondered blasting the AC tbh.

Today is the day we head off on B’s wish trip!!!! A little anticlimactic because we are just going to Vancouver tonight and then tomorrow morning we carry on to Orlando. But WISH TRIP.

Hmmm, I guess I can never go to another event where people walk around and look at stuff until phones are not a thing. You do not need the perfect picture of every Christmas tree at the festival! I promise! Just remember it in your mind!

WHY ARE THEY ALL SO BAD AT THIS Not a single nazi can cook? That’s wild.

Imagine you wrote something this bad and now the whole world has seen it. I’d rather share my 10th grade poetry collection tbh. And that is saying something.

Saturday morning pancakes and PWHL. Healing some part of my childhood soul by watching women play professional hockey on the tv.

We were in Alberta for Canada Day this year and my BIL gave a little toast and he was like “we really gotta celebrate extra because this might be our last one” and that was supposed to be a joke, but maybe the UCP wants it not to be. 🙃

CANADA MENTIONED IN AMERICAN MEDIA SIREN

My Canadian contribution to the US/UK food debate is tonight I will be making Shepherd’s Pie with elk meat and I’m still gonna call it Shepherd’s Pie because fuck them UK shepherds. I could herd some elk if I really wanted to. You aren’t special.

My teens will not stop singing this damn song (ironically) and I’m scared B is gonna break it out in public.

She has survived her great trauma and she’s thinking about forgiving me.

😭 Incredible. We’ll honour their sacrifice by honking all our horns in unison.

lol everyone in this house was super tired and fell asleep wherever they were sitting, immediately after dinner. Except little B. I just woke up and she was binge watching Bluey at top volume.

I would like to not be on a boat that has been redesigned by this guy, thank you.

Bought 16yo the Elphaba/Fiyero retreat Lego set and it doesn’t come with a sex cardigan, so maybe I have to fashion one myself.

Husband gets home after his horrendous work week away, puts on comfy clothes, flops down in bed and says “aaaaaahhhh” and then his phone starts ringing. Fuckin’ rude.

Husband is on his plane back home. He’s almost here. Praise be to Jebus. We get to keep him for a couple weeks. 😭

You’re all eating turkey and I’m at the vet with Wee Jenkins. The dogs here today are Very Good. Not mine. She’s a cranky gremlin. But the other dogs are great.

Quite possibly the worst post in the history of social media.

Oh no one of the ostrich people got this horrible tattoo.

I like this even better than the stuck boats.

This is no big deal to all you Nice Hands havers, but I have had horrible hands and nails my whole life and now I can finally grow my nails, thanks to some sort of toxic gel that I think is banned in Europe now. Maybe I’ll die, but my nails won’t be busted.

Apologies to you if I’ve ever used the term “gong show” and left you confused.

Talking to my husband on the phone as he navigates the crowd outside Sam’s Club. “Sam can go fuck himself,” he says.

A very, very important peer-reviewed empirical study published in the academic journal Pediatrics shows that hormone treatment of young trans people decreases suicidality very significantly. Doubtless it will be ignored by Simonoff et al, who are not even measuring this in the “Pathways” study.

"X pie is bad" tell it to Satan in hell you monster

I love when I get the news that matters.

It is unfortunately too late for me to get a pair of custom oversized sweatpants with Sean Duffy’s face on the ass in time for our trip.

Sorry, I can’t make it to that thing next week because I will be at Disney World etc. with my husband and kids, having the time of our lives. Getting soooo excited. Might start packing.

Me, logging on every morning.

Goddamit.

Just got back from seeing Wicked with my nerd children. Hopefully I didn’t miss anything weird or disgusting.

Jeeves, fetch me the eye bleach immediately.

Very sad that these farmed birds never had a chance to be eaten. RIP.

Okay, I do not regret staying home because for my particular kids it became somewhat of a necessity. But I do laugh when people tell me that my skills at home will translate to the workplace. I’m pretty sure most employers have zero interest in testing that theory.

The Free Birth Society women are the absolute worst kind of grifters. But I will say this - criticizing people who want a less medical birth is how we ended up with FBS in the first place. A healthy baby is what is most important, but babies do better when the birthing parent does better.

Almost forgot about the Ostrich Convoy because it’s been such a day.

B has a friend over and I made them cookies to decorate. Discovered that I have an absolutely embarrassing number of sprinkles. Like I just buy them because they are pretty and now I have a hoard. I don’t even like to eat sprinkles.

Lmao whaaaaat. This guy.

I have only seen my husband like, three times this month. I have nobody to annoy. So I text him descriptions of how I would be annoying him instead. It’s just not the same.

Is JD aware that he is married to his wife and has three kids with her and at least two of those people can read?

Holy shit. ☹️

I have to quoteskeet because it’s on brand.

Imagine being Kevin Sorbo, sitting at home just waiting to be asked to read the Bible for a Fox podcast, and instead they use 15-year-old recordings of actual celebrities instead. Bummer.

The best person in the world is Felix the receipt guy at the Prince George BC Costco. Iykyk. And most of you don’t know, which is very sad tbh.

B just made a little book and the story is a lion and a tiger want to get married, but everyone tells them they can’t because they aren’t the same. But they do get married because those rules are bad. And now they have a baby cheetah. The end.

But I buy the expensive shampoo because my hair doesn’t like cheap shampoo. Anyways, I don’t think there’s been a trend towards dropping shampoo prices. Or dropping prices of any sort.