This is less than a month away. Holy smokes. I’m jazzed.

Did Ronaldo pay the refs or the Uzbeks?

Six IMPD cruisers showed up after the hit and run but I spent 8 hours on the road on the East Side today, as I do every weekday, and didn’t see a single car pulled over for speeding or blasting through reds on Shadeland, Arlington, Emerson, Franklin, 38th etc. like they do every day.

Tim Heidecker becoming a 10/10 smoke show later in life is how I’m tryna be. Also we’re like basically the exact same age.

WSJ announcing they're doing to do journalism like it's a new concept

I think my favorite times in the world other than when my kids are being sweet and want to do something fun with me are when an event gets done in half the time I anticipated and I can spend an hour or two sitting and having a beer at a bar and I can just be gone to the world.

A soccer-themed drag performer named Lionel Menses

Rick Ross voice: 🎶Don't tote no (twenty-twos), Magnum cost me (twenty-two) Sat it on them (twenty-twos), birds go for (twenty-two) Lil' mama super thick, she say she (twenty-two) She seen them (twenty-twos), we in room (two-twenty-two)🎶

Did they stop trying to reach people about their cars’ extended warranties?

Sorry Egyptian guy crying, writhing, and faking from taking a deflected ball to the head and pretending he took an elbow, we’re putting your bitch ass down.

MO HA MED SA LAH

Darwin Gooñez imho

Darwin Nuñez coming on. now is the time of monsters

Now for a Pausa de Masturbación

Ball don’t lie, putos!!

That should be a fucking red card.

Somebody get Suarez some ear for a celebratory snack.

GOTTA GO WITH PEYTON HERE, ERIC. ONE TITLE GIFTED BY REX GROSSMAN AND ANOTHER WITH AN ALL TIME D PAPERS OVER ONE THING: LOCKER ROOM CANCER

MLB: albert belle NBA: Allen Iverson NFL: all wide receivers

No one said Barkley yet!

Kyrie

Kevin Durant and to a lesser extent James Harden

Tony Stewart who killed a guy

Aaron Rodgers

Shaq

Who is the American Sports equivalent of Zlatan? Someone with incredible, generational talent who achieved at a HoF level, but arguably should have been better? If he weren’t such a cock, could he have done more? Or, would being less of a cock not have been enough Zlatan to be Zlatan?

What do you mean you can have a stalemate with Iran and it doesn't cost you $300 billion

How is there only +5 stoppage? The hydration was four minutes. There was a VAR. A Red card. They’re stealing football from us.

If she likes your instagram repost from your kids about what a good dad you are, she’s trying to hit.

Graham Rahal just figured out victory lane is technically an urban area and got scared of it

Locked it up and got dumped.

I think the solution to Soccer flops is that if you are on the ground crying for more than 25 seconds, they should euthanize you like a horse. You’ll never be the same athlete as you were before such a devastating injury. They should put you out of your misery.

Fuck the hydration break in the pants

irrrrrrrrraaaannnnnn

They should call him La Niña Mal because he’s a bad bitch

Rebecca Lowe, kick me in the face

Joyce Manor motherfuckerl

Region kids are the worst

Me dropping off a rental in Car Hell and then running home to Broad Ripple

He’s going to be so irate that they sent the chubby gay troops, and I’m really happy about that. I hope he dies from it.

Shout out to the Scots showing the lovely Americans what alcohol, travel insurance, and socialised health care waiting at home can achieve. "Big historical horsecunt was pure beggin' for a conin'", noted one onlooker.

DECISION IS RED CARD

Fat Ronaldo

The Zlatan and Thierry just VIBING, with Lalas only featured long enough to get got. I love it. Right into my veins.

Hydration break sucks donkey

The war lost the moment it started is finally over. Except it isn't. For the same reasons you expected in each case.

I love that Rick Rubin hasn’t made any actual music or done any actual engineering or mixing since like 1986 but rather has just been a studio vibes guy for all that time. Yet people ascribe all sorts of genius and depth to him because he looks like that.

Hard for this team to be good vibes when this keeps happening