35, and don’t let them talk you out of it. Please.

I have jury duty today, which means I get to try and recreate the funniest moment in the last decade of television.

Okay. Well. Baseball.

Go Pats (Vomits)

I'm sorry the guy changing the rules on the fly is named what

For sale: Nazi coat, gently worn (Size small)

I like my Boncos friends but I hope I’m happier than you are in three hours

"They say they're coming to save us from some evil? They're talking about our neighbors who take care of us ... Alex was murdered while he was helping. Mr Rogers said look for the helpers, & right now the helpers have a target on our forehead ... Mr Rogers would be here right now too, so I'm here."

There's one foolproof way to gauge whether someone is a millennial or a zoomer: Ask them how they learned the difference between Iceland and Greenland. If the answer is from D2: The Mighty Ducks, you're talking to a millennial. Otherwise, zoomer.

Least comfortable 11 point lead ever, I’m terrified of Davis Mills, should be 24 points, sports are not fun

I constantly drove 30 minutes, multiple towns over, to see movies when I was growing up. The drive back talking about the movie was half the fun.

Tonight we were asked to come dressed as something from 2025… so I came as everyone’s favourite goblin, Kash Patel. Complete with a woman’s medium jacket. Happy New Year!

@dannybkelly.bsky.social @dannyheifetz.bsky.social @craighorlbeck.bsky.social I don’t know why I thought anything different would happen with Ladd McConkey at this point. Think you need a “don’t draft a WR if the team brings back their former #1 WR a week before the season tattoo.

Thread Oh wow what a thread

I mean… this guy has Long Covid, right? And they’re just not calling it that? I’m no doctor, but from all I’ve read about it, this matches right?

Congrats to Hall of Famer Jeff Kent, who was on Survivor in 2012 and said this after he was kicked off. It should be noted that the top marginal tax rate in 2012 was 35%, unchanged from the last 6 years of the Bush era. Which makes you wonder whether maybe the tax rate was not his beef with Obama.

this is a reminder that the reason why Jeff Kent had the stats to make the HOF is that he played with a guy who the BBWAA refuses to put into the HOF. Mattingly should be in. He played on some dreadfully bad Yankee teams.

If this leads to Manny Ramirez going on Survivor I’m all for it

Jack White is the king of “indie dudes love sports too” representation matters baby

"It is against the TOS to be talked into suicide by our LLM" is possibly the most evil tech bro thing I've ever read

help

Miller as soon as Zohran leaves the WH

Stick to sports, huh?

SOCRATES: No god is a philosopher or seeker after wisdom, for he is wise already; nor does any man who is wise seek after wisdom. PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom. DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers

#Pluribus Vince Gilligan on Carol being a romantasy author: “I liked the idea of a writer being tasked with saving the world, because there is no one less suited to saving the world.”

Please stop buying snake oil from these salesmen.

i am so ready for the eight-part docuseries about all of this

If they walk Varsho then @iracane.bsky.social and @kliakos.com have to bring the website back

WE HAVE WORLD SERIES GAME SEVEN SHRIMP ALERT

To anyone not into baseball I’m sorry but also get into baseball

"I DON'T NEED YOU TO FUCKING REWRITE WHAT I'VE JUST WRITTEN!"

drake turning off the game as it gets to 18

Oh no

i am 39 years OLD. i post ONLINE. i have a stable job in a big CITY. i have a mild form of mental ILLNESS that can be treated with LITTLE to NO medication. i am going to kill myself because of postseason BASEBALL.

10 years ago tonight

Oh my GOD

Jesus. 26 athletes stranded. This is basically the plot of "Alive."

I love baseball so, so much.

Oh WOWWWW

Walk him. Don’t even think twice.

If he sees a strike the rest of the season that is a catastrophic managerial failure

10 at least overnight, two extended airport stops, 2 more driven through. Most egregious missing: Chicago, probably, with New Orleans second.

@ndeddiemac.bsky.social … we back up? #klaxon

Imagine the Illusive Man from Mass Effect saying this

"Oxford commas are a sign you write with ai" I will find such a unique way to rip out your spine that they'll make a movie about it

I spent a year on this plan, and she just… tweeted it out. - Wyman Manderly

Guy’s gonna have the worst flight home and the only person I feel sorry for is his flight attendant

That was the single greatest performance by a baseball player in the history of the game.

Ohtani is the best baseball player ever