My finest work:

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light, Charlie Brown?

I am terribly sorry to interrupt your doomscrolling, but tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Cat Bread Pillow. Look at him. Was he born? Was he baked? Can a vegetarian eat him? I have many questions, and I would appreciate it if random internet strangers answered them. collabs.shop/hptrd1

As an engineer, I refuse to have “smart” tech in my house. Same goes for AI

SpaceX has more problems with their rockets than an Andy Weir novel protagonist

Alas

our piss champ

New Pointlesshub!

Brother. Can you spare a bread crumb

The one company that deserves to crash and burn is Open AI. Open AI and Microsoft. The two companies that deserve to crash and burn are Open AI and Microsoft. And Google. The three companies that deserve to crash and burn… etc.

Seen in a thread about Larry Summers quitting OpenAI. I bet this moron thinks Alan Dershowitz is a brilliant lawyer, too

ryan gosling in project hail mary is the most me-coded ryan gosling look yet based on vibes alone

they're trying to fucking get me

Happy 81st Birthday to Danny DeVito

😡

What even is reality anymore

I say this with empathy toward every struggling actor who is just trying to make due: Providing your voice for A.I. undermines everyone in the industry. It is a net negative, that will only make it harder for you and everyone else down the line. It. Is. Wrong.

Bears repeating:

It’s been a year to the day we bought (and then didn’t, for reasons we still don’t fully know) InfoWars. We’re still trying. In the year since, we built The Onion into one of the biggest newspapers in the United States. I’m so proud of this place. I’m proud we do hard stuff. Thank you for caring.

Facebook continues to prove it is absolutely worthless

I refuse to believe this

I made you a flowchart: www.todayintabs.com/p/no-one-tru...

excuse me but what the fuck

Hey. Now my nipples are tingling

Quentin Tarantula: ok now put all 8 of em up on the dashboard

um

move over Beavis

I am sick of the nonstop political content on here, so tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this "One Day We Will Wake Up To His Obituary" towel. It's a good apolitical towel that could be referring to anyone. We all didn't immediately think of one specific person when we saw this. collabs.shop/ewsv7e

Maybe the real Epstein files were the friends we had killed along the way.

It was @clairewillett.bsky.social

Unlike other newspapers, The Onion has never once declined to print pictures of Donald Trump with girls in bikinis in Jeffrey Epstein’s kitchen. Please subscribe to The Onion. membership.theonion.com

QANON CULTIST IN 2017: "In this 1,879 page thread I will unravel the byzantine system of codewords and phrases the global elite use to mask their pedophile cabal." JEFFREY EPSTEIN WRITING AN EMAIL AT THE SAME TIME: "helo its me jeff had fun cmmitting sex crimes wit u lst weeknd"

I love this.

Happy Dynamite Whale Day to all who celebrate.

gonna start a podcast where i just sigh a lot

new meme

At this point he could just say he fucking did it and they wouldn't care

Hangin out at the stick!

the Edmund Fitzgerald deserved it

So many graves to piss on, so little time

my new Skyrim edging video: youtu.be/ozqXdUbPdJY

I knew it would take less than a day for a tiktok dj to make something.